OTT DEFENDS PLANS TO ACQUIRE BLOGGER.COM

(Rick Bragg, IP News, Washington)

International media mogul Scott Ott defended his company's proposed purchase of Google.com, telling lawmakers the deal will not hurt competition nor limit consumer choices.

"This is not anticompetitive," Mr. Ott, chairman and chief executive of ScrappleFace, told a Senate panel.

Critics sharply disagreed during the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee hearing. Several argued that the deal, combined with a Federal Communications Commission proposal to lift decades-old media-ownership restrictions, would allow a handful of giant blog operators to control what the nation watches, hears and reads. Additionally, some Senators expressed concerns over accusations in some vague "plagiarism and quote fabrication" scandal recently plaguing Ott and ScrappleFace. During open comments on those charges numerous Ott employees came forward to reveal his behavioral excesses.

Last February Google announced the acquisition of Blogger.com, the nation's largest blog provider, with 1 million subscribers. Ott's lust for Google is apparently fueled by obsessive desire to control so many Blogs.

Mr. Ott told lawmakers that he will improve Blogger by offering more ready-made templates, reliable site availability, enhanced content management and some type of archiving and perma-link system that actually works. Ott denied plans to incorporate "Comments" into Blogspot Blogs. He also ruled out going on a buying spree if the ownership rules are relaxed, telling the lawmakers that he has "no plans for anything other than [the deal] I have before you."

Opponents say that approving the deal would allow Mr. Ott to force Blog operators to link ScrappleFace on their Blogrolls, a practice seldom done in today's blogosphere. If the operators don't comply, Mr. Ott could pull the URLs off Blogspot.

Senator Barbara Boxer (C-CA) was particularly vocal in her opposition to the merger. Her questions focused on the fact that Ott gives the conservative point of view print space on ScrappleFace, adding that "someone on ScrappleFace called France and Germany 'the Axis of Weasels'."

She remarked to Ott, "You've got it all. I mean, what are you going to do with an additional takeover?" Ott responded that he only has 2.8% of the market, however, everyone thought he was just joking and laughed. Comments from at least 100 supporters and detractors followed immediately after every statement made by Ott during the course of the hearing.

The Senate hearing was the last in a series on media consolidation held while the FCC considers whether to lift its ownership-restriction rules, which media executives call outdated. The regulators are scheduled to vote June 2.

"We shouldn't have to rely on a benevolent media dictator for quality blogs," said Gene Kimmelman, senior director of advocacy and public policy for the Consumers Union, an advocacy group that publishes Consumer Reports magazine.

For The Mudville Gazette, RICK BRAGG reporting

ONCE UPON A TIME

Something to read if you haven't already. I'll be updating it this weekend. That plus a contest, plus a lot of other great things. Hope to see you here.

LOW VOTER TURN OUT?

Okay, this just strikes me as funny, but puzzling. Draw your own conclusions. The Truth Laid Bear hosts a contest for new Blogs. It generates a little interest and a few links from other sites. And about forty entries. And so far, though the contest has been going all week, 54 votes have been cast.

Now to vote you must have a Blog (there are now an estimated 3 million bloggers out there!) registered in the TLB Ecosystem (2,500 Blogs). Now if my calculator is right that means .0018% of all possible voters and 2% of registered voters have voted.

Want drama? last I checked The Gazette was tied for first with Venomous Kate with 8 votes each. A couple dark horses not too far behind. Now it's possible there's more then a few folks out there reading every post before deciding. That's cool. But I am a little disappointed in the Blogosphere, the center of free speech and democracy, producing such a low voter turn out. Part of this is probably due to "first week" issues; this contest will repeat every week and I'd expect less entries and more voters in future weeks. But for this week, GO VOTE! Here's my entry

http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/000142.html

but even if you don't vote for me go vote for somebody, okay? Or quit blogging about politics...

THANKS!

All the cool kids link the Gazette! Be cutting edge! Join the party today!

Thanks Graham. Should have mentioned you on the first post. I beg your forgiveness.
And thanks again to The Emperor Misha I.
And likewise thanks to Charles. My cup runneth over.
Thanks John, a righteous man on the leftest coast!
Thanks Bernie down under!
Thanks again Scott! I hope the millionth visitor enters off this link!
Thanks Gary, may your Blog be ever free from foma!
Thanks Lynn, she of the beautiful site!
Thanks Dean, Carnival barker extraordinaire!
Anyone left out? (And note previous post below) Please contact me at Greyhawk at europe dot com.

TAPS

From World Magazine:

TRIM AND MUSCULAR AT 38, 1ST Sgt. Edward Smith could leap from airplanes, survive eating insects, rappel down sheer heights, and, if necessary, efficiently dispatch a man's soul into eternity. He was a "Recon" Marine. Loosely translated, that means "Bad Dude." So when he attended the police academy at Palomar College in San Marcos, Calif., to prepare for his second career, it was no surprise that he finished first in his class.

In 1999, while still on active duty, 1st Sgt. Smith joined the Anaheim, Calif., police department, part-time. In 2000, the city named him "Rookie of the Year," and the next year, the county named him "Reserve Officer of the Year." 1st Sgt. Smith was set to retire from the Marine Corps in January 2003 and join the police force full-time. But because of the war on terror, the Corps froze his retirement, and in February sent him to Iraq. Two months later, he died in Doha, Qatar, from wounds received in action.

When he died, 1st Sgt. Smith left behind his wife, Sandy, and their three children, 12, 10, and 8. All told, warriors who died in Iraq left behind 83 born children and eight pregnant wives, according to a database compiled by The Gazette, a Colorado Springs daily. Marine Cpl. Jorge Gonzalez, 20, never saw his son, Alonso, born March 3, weeks after his father's unit shipped out. Jill Kiehl was due to deliver her first son, Nathaniel, last week. Her husband, Army Spc. James Kiehl, 22, died March 23 when Iraqis ambushed the 507th Maintenance Company.

Army Pfc. Lori Piestewa, 23, died in the same attack. The only woman to die in the war, Pfc. Piestewa, a single mom, left behind a 4-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter. Her death marks the first female loss of life in battle since American women were placed in combat. Two thousand people attended Pfc. Piestewa's Tuba City, Ariz., funeral. Her orphaned children sat in the front row.

Read the rest of this article, if you've got a few spare moments.

And this, too, if you haven't yet. It's by far the most visited page on this site. And I'm not at all jealous that the best of it was not written by me.

Help if you can.

BOB HOPE VILLAGE

Here, go check this out. . Have some fun, then come back here and read this.

1995, Eglin Air Force Base, NW Florida
An old old man stands assisted on "the ramp", the acres and acres of pavement where aircraft are parked and taxi; where they are when they are on the ground but not on the runway or in a hangar. An Air Force aircraft stands ready to transport this man, probably would transport him anywhere in the world if he said "go." He is not in the military; has never been. He is frail, skinny-legged to the point one wonders how he could stand. He is however, in the service, and has been for most of his life.

Bob Hope, of course. The legend. He has retired from all performances save one. He does an annual fundraiser for Bob Hope Village, the Air Force Enlisted Widows home just outside the gates of Eglin in beautiful Shalimar, Florida. Here live the widows of the men who defeated Hitler, and of some who held the 38th Parallel that stands to this day as the frontier of freedom from communist tyranny. Some served from WWII through Korea and Vietnam before retiring, to modest pensions and better times. All were heroes.

These are not spacious luxury accommodations by any means. Those who live there would not be familiar with that lifestyle. They probably moved to new "quarters" every two or three years for most of their lives, getting rid of much of their possessions each time to remain below the woefully inadequate weight limits imposed on the military. These women are used to a simple lifestyle, and that is what this place offers. But for this these surviving members of the Greatest Generation would have nothing.

Had you even heard of this place before? If a modern celebrity were to support something of this nature it would be trumpeted constantly in the press. The cameras would not stop rolling.

There were no cameras on the old man being helped into the plane. There was only local news coverage of his last ever show. Undoubtedly none was sought. He would not return again. Fitting that his last performance was so low key, and for a cause he truly believed in. Bob kept the faith with the laughing men in the old grainy film, the crowd at the USO shows. He has given back like few before and none since.

Now it's 2003. My children are 17, 15, and 12. They do not know this man. That's the passage of time, but also my fault. We're going to fix that with some videos. Can't rent 'em here, but Bob's stuff is dirt cheap at Amazon - all the Road movies on DVD, thirty bucks. A little less then whatever the latest SNL deserter's stuff would cost.

So that leaves me something for the widows too.

Happy birthday, Mr. Hope. And thanks for the memories.

Bob Hope Village

THE GREAT B'LOG-O FIRE

(All over America, IP News, Rick Bragg Reporting)

Devastation struck the Blogosphere today, as several crucial servers might have burned, leaving countless Bloggers homeless, with no where to turn and nothing to do.

"We're stunned, right now...just stunned. I'm at a loss for words..." stated one, leaving many to question whether she was a blogger at all.

"It was my fault," whispered a young blogger, "I had a really hot discussion going, I mean, I'd heard of flaming before but this..."

Still others sifted quietly through the wreckage of their broken dreams. "I heard a roar, like a freight train, and the next thing I knew I had the blue screen of death." Stated one tired looking pundit. "Fortunately from years of tech support servitude I knew exactly what words to hurl at the screen in precisely the right sequence while simultaneously unplugging the computer. I was saved, but not by much. I'm still not sure about my comments and archives. And I never backed up my templates. Others are even less fortunate." he concluded, nodding towards a small group of lost individuals, spinning in circles in the street.

"I had to comment on an unfamiliar site last night." Said one, "I felt so...vulnerable, so... exposed..."

"Oh my gosh" stated another, a look of horror spreading across her face, "I might be able to use my old blogspot site still..."

Ohhh the humanity!

"What we had there was a main server meltdown near the thermo nuclear reactor core," stated an official for the newly formed Department of Homeland Security, "or maybe somebody just spilled a coke or tripped over a plug, we don't know. That's what we call the 'fog of war', which is the cool way to say we are clueless. The important thing is no one got hurt, there's no cause for further alarm, and the Threat level..."

"What about Ashcroft?" Shouted a Blogger from the left, "where was he when all this happened?" Bringing out a chorus of "Yea!" from his side of the street. "I suppose this will be used to justify war with Iran?"

"How do we know this wasn't the work of a re-energized Al Queda?"

"Where was Daschle? shouted back from the right, and "I've heard the Dixie Chicks have written a new anti-blogging song. Has anyone heard it yet? Hey, is that fat guy over there with a camera and the pizza Mike Moore?"

The street quickly emptied as Bloggers from both sides rushed towards the hapless cameraman, who plodded quickly away, screaming. Still several pundits remained milling about in the street, completely at a loss for what to do. Trying in vain to calculate exactly how many hits they had missed so far during this tragedy of epic proportions.

"I was about to get a link from Glenn..." sobbed one, as a friend helped him back from a bridge.

"When will it stop?" Asked another, "none of this would have happened if George Bush hadn't stolen the 2000 election you know"..

FOR THE MUDVILLE GAZETTE, RICK BRAGG REPORTING

RICK BRAGG'S NEWS BAG

Okay, most folks know I'm laid off a bit from my usual digs at the Times. No biggy, I'm not bitter, or disappointed, or psychotic, or vengeful or anything, I mean, I'm not gonna go over there and go postal or anything like that if that's what you're worried about. Forget it. I'm okay. And I'm not drinking too much either, okay? Get the "F" off my back on that one too, mother. I'm fine, okay? And Greyhawk says I can write news here at The Mudville Gazette while I'm checking my connections for something a bit more, ahhh, lucrative, shall we say?

I mean, I don't need the money. I stashed back quite a bit during my run as a Pulitzer Prize winning reporter for the Paper of Record. Oh yea, I don't need their job. You here me Howell? You Dink! I don't need you, Mr. "Sacrificial lamb", Mr "take one for the team," Mr "we gotta get a white guy, Rick, and you're it.."

Yea, whatever. Anyhow, the only condition on me here is I have to do all my own writing. Which is kind of a bummer since I never learned to type, but what the heck. "I swear on my honor as a Pulitzer Prize winning New York Times reporter that this is all my work and no one else is involved! So say I, Rick Bragg!" That good enough for you people?

Now here's the news.

I'll begin at Fox News. What morons! Here's the right-wing biased crap they call news. Someone's faxing letters to a paper in Britain claiming to be Saddam Hussein. They better not be lying, 'cause anyone who puts the wrong name on their work gets fired! Right?

And some of the greatest politicians of our time go to Iowa and Fox News writes this: "Iowa's 2004 Democratic Voters Not Impressed So Far" about it? Yea, no bias there. I'd fire the whole staff if I was in charge. That's an editorial, not news! I can't stand Fox! Changing channels!

World Net Daily: You gotta be kidding me! Every day's version is a hate crime against humanity! I was about to punch my Monitor because Pat Buchanan's face was the first thing I saw, but my mouse hand twitched and I clicked on this: "Poll: Clinton greater than Reagan, Washington" You're damn skippy he was! But would he help a buddy who needs a little work thrown his way? No! According to his secretary he's in the Philippines or somewhere. Probably chasing skank. I might track him down and report on him. How about it Howell? A tell-all on Clinton? (Just kidding...)

Time for a refreshing change. One more Right Wing Redneck news site and I would smash my monitor. USA Today! (I always get a kick out of that name!) there's a fresh anti-American slant I need right about now. Led Zeppelin? Led Zeppelin? I covered these guys for my High School paper! Now Led Zeppelin is releasing new CDs and DVDs? When I clicked on the Amazon Icon it said "Customers who bought Led Zeppelin also bought Viagra, Rogaine, and Preparation H"!

Hey, here's some happy news! "Chandra Levy Buried one Year After Discovery." Hey quick, name that Congressman that killed her? Hah! You couldn't do it. could you? How about this: "Derrick Todd Lee Arrest eases fears of La. women" Tell you what, I don't care, I'm not a woman!

Okay, on to CNN. "Bush Heading For Mideast", good, hope he stays there. Hey, this will be cool:
"Sony unveils new game machine!"

"TOKYO, Japan (Reuters) -- Sony, under pressure to cut costs and roll out hot new products after dismal earnings news, unveiled a game machine on Wednesday, the "PSX," that puts a TV tuner, DVD recorder and game player in a single box."

Hey, I've got a little extra time on my hands, hope it comes out soon. Oh, by the way, the part in italics isn't mine okay? I copied it from the original article. I didn't write any of the articles I've linked to here, okay? I don't want to be accused of putting others words over my name, okay? Moving on..."Bush signs $350 Billion Tax Cut Bill" Well I hope you're all happy starving to death! And he better not have cut unemployment benefits, I'll tell you what...

Okay, my blood pressure is up a bit, and I know I said I wouldn't do this, but I'm going to the Drudge Report now... Hey, a link to Maureen Dowd. You know she used to service me daily in the unisex. Not a bad gal overall, but whenever I spoke with her I got the impression she wasn't listening. So I say "Okay then, repeat what I said" and she only remembered about half of whatever it was. But it's even worse since I got fired it's not even a phone call returned. "Sorry, Bragg, I heard you'd been "downsized", and well, to be honest you couldn't afford it, know what mean?" No I don't know, Maureen. You smirky lttle...Hey! What's this? No, not the girl-friend busting webcam, this:

"HILLARY HAD THREE WRITERS FOR AUTOBIOGRAPHY" You have got to be kidding
me!? Three writers?! Three writers?! The Former First Lady now Senator only uses three ghost writers? What a cheap skate bi...

Forget it. Tell you what, I'm done for today, it's 4 o'clock somewhere! Time for the Braggster to start the party! Hoo hoo, laid off ain't all bad kids. Hey Howler! Howler! How do you like me telling the world your Christmas Party nickname Howler?

Hehe, you want stories? I got a million of 'em...

FOR THE MUDVILLE GAZETTE, RICK BRAGG REPORTING

US PLANS HAPPY FUN CAMP

(CUBA, IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING)
The US, in conjunction with McDonalds and the Disney Corporation, has floated plans to turn Guantanamo Bay into a Happy Fun camp, with its own midway and IMAX theater. Plans to include a brothel on the premises have also been discussed.

Prisoners would be fed, thrilled, and entertained without leaving its boundaries, without cost to themselves and without a care in the world, The Mudville Gazette has learned.

The plans were revealed by Master Sergeant Frank Lee Whompass, a veteran of several campaigns including the recent war in Iraq who is now in charge of recreation at the (currently) dilapidated facility. "On Fridays we'll have weenie roasts", said Whompass, "and on their birthday everyone gets cake."

The prisoners have been held at Camp Delta on Cuba without charge for 18 months, and are clamoring for some form of entertainment. Whompass said building a Fun Camp was one plan. Another was to just set up monkey bars, with possibly a full obstacle course.

The move is seen as logical by the US, which has been attacked worldwide for breaching the Geneva Convention on prisoners of war since it established the camp at a naval base to hold murderous psychotic terrorists from Afghanistan.

But it has horrified victim's rights groups and lawyers representing those victims. They see it as the clearest indication America has every intention of falling in line with internationally recognized "justice". The US had previously said detainees would be tried by tribunals, without juries or appeals to a higher court, and that detainees will be allowed only US lawyers.

British activist Stephen Jakobi, of Fair Trials Abroad, said gleefully: "Screw the victims. These poor detainees are the victims. The US is finally bowing to pressure to conform with European and international justice."

American law professor Jonathan Turley, who has led US civil rights group protests against the military tribunals planned to hear cases at Guantanamo Bay, said: "It is a welcome development the authorities are building a Happy Fun Camp, because who doesn't love a Fun Camp? Hopefully, though, there will be additional alternatives for those detainees who desire other forms of entertainment."

"This camp was created to amuse people. The administration thankfully has no interest in overly harsh, long-term prison sentences that simply further enflame the anger felt by people it regards as hard-core terrorists."

The UN admitted it had been kept in the dark about the plans, but was ecstatic at the prospective developments. A UN spokesman said gleefully: "The US Government is well aware of the United Nations long standing enthusiasm for brothels."

FOR IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING

Thanks

Updated, expanded, sorry if I missed you the first go round. No matter how big or small, whether you sent me 5 visitors or 500, the effort was the same and was appreciated. And if you see somebody on this list you've never visited, (or haven't lately) how about clicking them?

In random order:
Thanks Scott! Thanks Misha! Thanks Frank! Thanks Kathy! Thanks Michele! Thanks Laurence! Thanks Susanna! Thanks Angelz! Thanks Serenity! Thanks Lisa! Thanks David! Thanks Scott and Ellen! Thanks Chuck! Thanks Jeff! Thanks Sean! Thanks Hindrocket! Thanks John!
Thanks Google!

I hope that someday these links will send you a thousand hits! ;)

It's possible that you've linked me and I don't know it. If so, email me at greyhawk at europe dot com or comment here. And if you haven't linked me, why not?!!!;)

Seriously though. The Bear is having a little contest. I've entered, and sure, I'd love it if you'd link to my entry. (Heck, I'd appreciate it if anyone would read my entry.) But if not, at least get over there, check out the competition, and link someone, okay? Or many someones. I'm not sure what the rules are...

And if you've got a new Blog, go enter! Maybe I'll link you!

JOHNNY LIGHTNING UPDATE

My essay Heat, Speed, and the Johnny Lightning Special has been completed, and is ready for your review. Yes, you. I value your thoughts and opinions. Scroll down or click here. (And if you thought it was about auto racing, you were wrong.)

A CHANCE TO GIVE BACK

3 Jun 03 Update: Here's the latest from The Intrepid/Fallen Heroes Fund. Please consider supporting this most worthy cause.

Anheuser-Busch has donated $1 million to create the Intrepid/Anheuser-Busch Fallen Heroes Fund, which will provide scholarships to spouses and children of U.S. military and coalition personnel killed during the war in Iraq.

I've found no word yet on how to donate to this worthy cause. There is an e-mail address on the Intrepid contacts page, and I am awaiting a reply to my inquiry. I am sure they are likely swamped with contacts right now. I will post immediately when I find out.

Here's why I think it matters: Sacred Words

I would add that speaking as a career military guy, I know of no finer military-related charitable organization then the Fisher House Foundation. (See full press release below.) They do have an online donation form set up, and it can be found here. The Fisher family suffered it's own personal tragedy and the military lost a great friend recently, an event practically unnoticed during the early days of the war.

Update: 'Gary' posted the following in comments. You may consider paying these folks a visit:

Here's another good organization for helping our fallen heroes:
http://www.fallenpatriotfund.org/

Thanks Gary!

The complete Anheuser-Busch press release can be read below. (And hey, I'm ready for a cold one!)

Anheuser-Busch Donates $1 Million to Help Spouses, Children of Those Killed in Iraq War

WASHINGTON (May 9, 2003) – Anheuser-Busch has donated $1 million to create the Intrepid/Anheuser-Busch Fallen Heroes Fund, which will provide scholarships to spouses and children of U.S. military and coalition personnel killed during the war in Iraq, it was announced today in Washington by the Intrepid Museum Foundation.

Patrick Stokes, Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. president and chief executive officer, presented the donation. Chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Richard B. Myers, his wife, Mary Jo, and other distinguished leaders of the military attended the announcement. Capt. Paul Bucha, who was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor in 1970 for service during the Vietnam War, presided at the press conference.

“For the families of our military men and women who have died while serving the nation, I want to thank the Anheuser-Busch Company for this special gift,” Mrs. Myers said. “I also want to thank the Intrepid Foundation for its continuing support of our military families.”

Rebuilding lives after losing their loved ones takes courage and support from others,” said Stokes. “Giving to these families enables us to express our deep gratitude for their service.”

The Intrepid Museum Foundation will administer the scholarship program. The foundation operates the Intrepid Family Support Fund that provides financial assistance for the families of U.S. military personnel lost in the line of duty; the Intrepid Sea Air Space Museum in New York, a U.S. Armed Forces memorial, educational and charitable institution; and Fleet Week, an annual celebration honoring the men and women of the U.S. military.

“We are proud to join with Anheuser-Busch in supporting these families,” said Arnold Fisher, chairman of the Intrepid Museum Foundation. “This donation will give them educational opportunities to help pave the way for their future.”

The Intrepid Museum Foundation was established in 1982 by Zachary Fisher. It has provided more than $15 million to families of military personnel lost in the line of duty. The group’s sister organization, the Fisher House Foundation, provides comfort homes at major military and Department of Veteran Affairs’ medical centers to house the families of hospitalized military personnel and veterans.

The donation continues Anheuser-Busch’s 150-year history of support for the U.S. armed services. The company recently announced Operation Salute, a broad effort by the company to thank the men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces and their families for their sacrifices in the war. The program includes free single-day admission to its SeaWorld, Busch Gardens and Sesame Place parks to active duty military, active reservists, U.S. Coast Guard, National Guardsmen and coalition forces and up to four of their direct dependents. The parks program begins the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and concludes Veterans Day, Nov. 11. The company is also matching all employee USO contributions through Veterans Day.

A MUDVILLE SUNDAY

You don't need your Sunday Paper when you've got the Mudville Gazette!

Indiana Senator Dick Luger jammed his head further into his rectum then than any human in the history of the world today. Then from that position, in an effort to demonstate to the people of Indiana his flexibility and capacity to govern under any circumstances, he dictated a letter to the head of the General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of Congress, asking that he immediately begin assessing the security efforts, relief programs, economic development, procurement and political operations in Iraq.

More than a month after President Bush declared "the regime of Saddam Hussein is no more," Congress is more vigorously questioning why the administration's plan has failed to provide basic security and services in Iraq.

"It's part of the Senator's overall plan to completely and utterly self-destruct" said a spokesmoron."A plan he's been following religiously for some time. The Senator wishes to be seen as bi-partisan and reasonable, and realizes the Democrats have some valid concerns here. . Also, the Senator demands to know why Iraq isn't a free democracy yet, who really killed John Kennedy, and what's the truth about Roswell and that whole UFO thing."

"MMMMMfff yret" Added the Senator.

"What?" asked a reporter.

"mumblerfkfe vfdgeddy!" He repeated.

"I can't hear you sir"

"And the Yeti! I want to know the truth about the Yeti!"

Hey, speaking of rumors about gay Senators, circle the options that correctly complete the following:

TALLAHASSEE - U.S. Rep. Mark Foley took the offensive Thursday to address a question he acknowledged may affect his bid to become the [1. Republican/Democratic] nominee for the U.S. Senate: Is he gay?

The answer, Foley said, is that it's nobody's business but his own. He called the innuendo about his private life ''revolting and unforgivable,'' and blamed it on [2. Republican/Democratic] activists who fear his strength as a candidate.

Wrong! He's a Republican! Now all you Democrats out there wipe the circles off your computer moniters! Morons.

Hey, speaking of Democrats, when I'm not sure how to spell something I look it up. And if I make any mistakes on this website I can go back and change them with little effort. It's not like I'm carving in stone or something. This story also contains yet another use for duct tape.

(Go ahead, Democrats, if you've finished cleaning your screens please comb this page for spelling errors and typos.)

Hey, speaking of mistakes and disapointment, did you see where Jonathan Byrd, Rodney Pampling, J.J. Henry, Cameron Beckman, Paul Goydos, Tom Lehman, and Tom Pernice Jr all missed the cut at the $5 million Bank of America Colonial Open by one stroke? Man, that's close. That's gotta suck. I searched the web though and couldn't find any coments by them. I guess in America nobody cares if you can't make the cut, even if you're close. Well, you're all still better golfers then I could ever hope to be, that's for sure.

Speaking of disapointing loosers disappointing losers, I'm starting to think Jayson Blair has some issues. I mean, does he really think he can shock anybody with stories about the truth of what goes on at the NY Times? The paper he calls "my tormentor, my other drug, my slavemaster" Anybody out there who had faith in the New York Times even before the Blair story raise your hand. Okay Democrats, put your hands down now. I can't believe you raised them. Man you guys will fall for anything. Did you know the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary of the English Language?

And speaking of his roll model, hero, and subject of some of his fabricated stories, muslim sniper John Malvo, Jayson Blair says:

"The moment I began to see parallels between his life and mine was the moment things began falling apart." He writes of "how the frustrations of black men in this world can explode, crescendo into a huge rage that can manifest itself in some odd and sometimes unclear ways."

Of course he's probably lying, but any sensitive, caring American would recognoze recognize this as an anguished cry for help. This is how I hear it: "Help me, Rev Jackson! Help me, Rev Sharpton!"

Sorry, Mr Blair, The Times is on their side! (Why does that sound Ebonic?)

Still on the topic of losing, in addition to Blair The NY Times has lost one more reporter and one libel suit.

Fortunately they've gained Ooglay Hussein!

Speaking of gullibility and the Hussein boys, did you see where Uday was contemplating surrender? He just wants to be assured he'll be well treated if he does.

This situation is complicated by a language barrier, communications infrastructure problems, some religeous issues, and the fact that Uday has been dead for quite some time.

PENTAGON DENIES LYNCH LED RAIDS

(WASHINGTON, IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING)
The Pentagon today denied allegations that PFC Jessica Lynch led a commando raid that destroyed offices of the BBC and the NY Times. Despite claims to the contrary from both news organizations, Army officials stated that the young woman is still recovering from injuries sustained in the recent war, and as such was "absolutely incapable of participating in any combat activities, no matter how desirable those activities might be." This claim was supported by Lynch's father, speaking from his front porch overlooking his extensive acreage of tobacco fields.

Spokespersons for the well-respected news organizations, however, tell a different story.

“It was like a Hollywood film,” said the BBC mouthpiece. “They cried, ‘Go, Go, Go!’ with guns and blanks and the sound of explosions. They made a show, an action movie like Sylvester Stallone or Jackie Chan, with jumping and shouting, breaking down doors. Frankly, I wet myself”

"Yes, exactly the same at the Times." echoed someone claiming to be their spokesperson. "Except for the pants wetting. That didn't happen here. Quit staring at my crotch."

Efforts at independent verification of any version of this story returned no results. A recent Yahoo! news search turned up 43 stories about Lynch — mostly about disgraced New York Times reporter Jayson Blair’s having never visited her home despite feigning a description in a story.

FOR IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING

WELCOME TO THE ALL NEW MUDVILLE GAZETTE

Welcome. I used to live on Blogspot, now I'm here. I won't bash Blogspot or the people on it, but I do like it better here. However, I left my comments behind. So please feel free to leave me some of yours here if possible.

My Grand Opening Celebration continues this weekend. Lots of things planned. Finishing my Indy 500 post (which isn't really about auto racing) and adding extensively to Democracy, Whiskey, Sexy? Post.

Ooglay might be appearing too. As well as a few updates to some running stories, and if Uday gets caught I'm all over it!

And if you're new here and have read the front page stuff and want to know what I'd do next if I were you, I'd check the category archives over there on the right, read Greyhawks War or Ooglay Hussein's diary. then the other one. I may complete an "About me" page over the weekend, but it will probably tell less then most. I suppose I'm an international man of mystery.

Hey, did I mention contests could occur?

You should join us for the fun!

HEAT, SPEED, AND THE JOHNNY LIGHTNING SPECIAL

PART I
If you travel 2.5 miles in 45 seconds, you have averaged 200mph. I know this because 2.5 miles is the distance around The Track. If you don't know it as "The Track' then you aren't from Indy. (But that's okay. I'm hardly from there myself now.) But I was a ten year old kid once sitting in the crowded stands using a stop watch (pre digital, kids!) timing cars as they ripped the shimmering sky above the hot pavement of that glorious black oval in quest of the legendary, mythical, 200 mile-per-hour lap. The first to achieve it would be elevated to Godhood in Indianapolis. In a town without pro football, with only an ABA basketball franchise and a Cincy Reds Farm team, The Track in May was it, and it was all we needed.

And everyone had a favored driver who had to be the one to do it! Mario Andretti, Peter Revson, Al Unser, Bobby Unser, Mark Donahue, Dan Gurney, Gordon Johncock; the Texans! - Johnny Rutherford, Lloyd Ruby, and The Legend, The Man, A.J.Foyt. The names to me just sound right for the type of guy who would strap himself into an open wheeled rocket and launch himself into four hard lefts, two short chutes, and two long straightaways 200 times at close quarters with 32 other like minded steel-nerved maniacs.

I liked 'em all. My heroes, larger then life, some missing fingers, some with permanently twisted limbs and some doomed to die all too soon doing what they loved. I saw Foyt win in '67, the first race I remember. Little more then a toddler, hearing the unbelievably loud roar. Ear splitting? Too weak a description. The white noise of pure speed, man's quest to develop better technology embodied in these chariots of fire and steel. The same attitude that led to the Moon shot was "driving" this sport. Advances made here would trickle down into the passenger cars of tomorrow. But so what? It was all about the speed! The sound and fury signifying man's quest to be better, stronger, faster...

Andretti won in '69 and became my first driving hero. The rest of his career would be a quest for the elusive repeat. And that career may not be over, though amazingly, this happened to him just a couple months ago at age 63!

By 1970 any member of Cub Scout pack 288 could tell you that when it came to yellow track gravity-fueled racing, matchbox cars were lame, hot wheels were okay, but Johnny Lightnings were the best. I mean, look here at Al Unser's entry for the 500 that year, The Johnny Lightning Special. Wanna drive it? Who wouldn't, to this day. It's the epitome, the zenith, the nadir of open wheeled racing.

And there I sat in the stands high above, in the good seats at the start/finish line (seats were first come, first served for qualifications), with my dad, with my brother, and a cooler full of Kentucky Fried Chicken, cold drinks, and more. (Yes, the Indy 500 was Bring-your-Own! How cool was that?) Getting the first sunburn of the year. (if you live in Indy, you get your first sunburn at the track. Kids who missed school in May and returned the next day sun-burned had a hard time explaining to the dean.) Watching him ride and clutching that stop watch in finger lickin' good hand, hoping beyond hope that Al could do it...Look at it! Painted like that how could it go slower then 200mph? And when he did it, I would be the one to prove it, and say "I was there!"

Now read this. What has changed? Blame NASCAR? Sure, that's a small part. Blame an individual? Yes, there's one who shares some fault. But in a strange way, I think America has lost something. That same something that led us to the moon.

PART II
The Doppler effect is simple to explain to a racing fan. Sound changes pitch (frequency, actually) as the source of that sound moves towards then away from the listener. No where is this more obvious then at Indy, where this year's version of the Indy 500 is running as I write. The children of my heroes are demonstrating the Doppler effect; Andretti, Unser, Foyt (Michael, Al Jr., A.J. Foyt IV, grandson of the greatest racer ever.) Michael Andretti runs his alleged last run today, Foyt IV, at age 19, his first. The commentators have missed this juxtaposition and all it's historical tie-ins. Nineteen and driving with grandpa's old number 14. No pressure, kid. Meanwhile, Unser Jr, once the bright hope for Indycar, has been middle of the pack for years, both in qualifying and racing. The average lap, excepting those run under yellow, is in the neighborhood of 220mph. Not much slower, relatively speaking, then the qualifying speeds of around 230. Unreal. NASCAR can't touch it. Does anyone care? To me it's remarkable, notable, commendable, but not as compelling as that quest for 200.

The quest for 200 began in 1911 and ended on May 14, 1977 when Tom Sneva turned a qualifying lap at 200.535 mph. Janet Guthrie became the first woman to qualify for the Indy 500 that same year. But A.J. Foyt won, becoming the first four-time winner.

And I was there for it all, watching the race with my brothers. The noise of the cheers for Foyt was greater then the scream of the engines. Speak your mind about anyone or anything you want to in Indianapolis, but God help you if you disparage A.J. Foyt. Guthrie, in the meantime, putted around the inside of the track slowly, staying out of the way of the real drivers and finishing respectably, if one considers only place as a measure of respectability. What an historic race! But the times were a' changin...

For high school kids The Track was all about skipping school. Anyone who thinks the Indy 500 is a one-day event is mistaken. The Track is open all month in May. Practice, practice, practice; open to the public, bring your own. Skip school a couple times during the month, go, have fun, come back to school sun burned and note that most of your classmates are too. Dude, were you in the snakepit? I didn't even see you there!

Then the weekends and qualifications. The first day of qualifications, when the pole position is determined, is the second largest sporting event in the world. Numbers never publicly released. Probably incalculable. 250,000? And general admission, open seating, and once again, bring your own. That's the day when the stopwatches are out and records are broken. One car on the track for a few warm up laps then four for real. When Sneva broke 200 no one needed Tom Carnegie, the track announcer forever, to make it official. If you didn't have a stopwatch you were near someone who did. But when Tom announced the unofficial results they became "official" and the crowd went wild.

Then race day. Sometimes in the stands in good seats. You pay for your seats on race day. Other times in the infield. If you line up early enough (the day before) you could drive into the track infield and right up to the edge. The inside first turn, void of stands, was the legendary "snake pit." (Don't ask, if you have to ask, you just wouldn't understand.) A few years later, they would build stands there to put an end to it (and make a couple more bucks) but one glorious year I was home on leave and my best friends in the world and I were there with my buddies El Camino serving as the perfect method of transportation for the iced down full keg of beer we brought along. (That's what I meant by "bring-your-own".) Glory days...

But now this. What happened? (Not the economy, stupid. Nice try by the idiotarian headline writer though.)

PART III
There are a number of factors that when combined result in an Indy 500 that is fast becoming a shadow of its former self. Faded glory, a pale echo of something finer. The economy? No. An interesting attempt by a left-wing biased headline writer to blame either a. George Bush or b. Forces beyond the control of mortal man. NASCAR? No, both circuits could thrive, and have in the past. the rise of one does not come at the expense of the other.

Self destruction - yes, a bit of that. Detailed in this timeline. Note that the all-time track record for single (237.498) and four-lap (236.986) average were set in 1996; 1997 was the first year the IRL cars were used. The seven years since represent the longest period without a track speed record set in the modern (post WWII) racing era.

Look at the list of speed records, you can see the quest for 200. There it is, from 1970 to '77. Look at the phenomenal jumps. Look at the gap caused by the response to the tragic '73 race. But you can also see they were way too close to 200 to stay slow for more then the minimum amount of time needed to show some sense of respect. The events of '73 delayed the satisfaction of 200 until '77; Sneva's accomplishment was all the more exquisite for that.

Then look at the numbers beyond that, 210, 220, 230, approaching 240! Is that it? It may be possible that we've seen the fastest speeds a human can take. G-force in the high-banked turns of the new Texas Motor Speedway were said to be sufficient to render drivers nearly unconscious.

Bah! This is America! We'll come up with something to reduce the G-force, right? Right? I mean we put a man on the moon! We can do anything! Right? Anybody?

Because I'm not sure.

I think one of the things that made the Indy 500 what it once was (the Greatest Spectacle in Racing!) was the guys with the slide rules, then the calculators; the Mechanical Engineers, the Drawing Board guys. America used to lead the world in production of these guys. Couple the Mechanical Engineers with the Mechanics, the guys who could take a car apart and put it back together in 10 minutes blindfolded. Add a driver who laughs at death (haha!) and there you have it! The same teams that put a man on the moon; scientist, engineers, extraordinary technicians and fearless operators. That used to drive every industry in America.

Does it still exist? We last walked on the moon in 1972. Is that a bad thing? Not completely, there probably are better ways to spend that money. But the end of the Apollo program, begun one could claim, with John Kennedy's immortal challenge issued May 25 1961, ended with a whimper.

Forty-two years later to the day, Brazil's own Gil de Ferran flew his Honda across the fabled yard of bricks that marks the finish line at Indy, the checkered flags waving, hailing the conqueror. Congratulations to him! A well earned victory.

Where were you when we landed on the moon? I wonder if we'll ever accomplish something of that magnitude again?

EFFING WITH HOLLYWOOD

I don't usually bother with the entertainment industry, since Ooglay does it so well without trying, but this stuff just fell into my lap. So here goes nothin'...

Jim Carry gets to play god in a new movie! Jimbo, I hear the flushing of the toilet of your career.

The fat one in the middle of the Dixie Chicks wore a shirt with "FUTK" on it during the Academy of Country Music Awards show. "FUTK" stands for "F-you-Toby-Keith." Keith won Entertainer of the year.

From a review of the Book "Live From New York" an oral history of Saturday Night Live compiled by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller.

"...Janeane Garofalo whines so copiously, so poisonously about her lack of face time on the show that even ''SNL'' writer Fred Wolf, who considered himself a friend, calls Garofalo ''an infection on that show...''

Was her time on the show the year it went down for the count? (Note this review is from last September, before Garofalo became the media darling she is today.

And finally, what is it with CNN/Time Magazine "music critic" Chris Farley? This stuttering, incoherent, idiot, lacking the ability to produce one sentence out loud without 4 repeat words, three self-corrections, two mispronunciations and one pointless conclusion, appears on CNN daily to talk the latest in Pop music. This guy is so bad that if he said Madonna's new album was crap I'd actually consider buying it. And to compound his inability to speak, he also can't think. Here's some insight, via an interview, into the workings of his mind:

Farley: I've talked with a lot of top artists -- everyone from Bruce Springsteen to Bob Dylan to Lauren Hill to Aretha Franklin to Joni Mitchell and Prince -- some of these people who are sort of the most reclusive stars of the world and some people who have had the biggest influence in pop music. I'm actually more in awe of the smaller artists like [Canadian folk rocker] Sara Harmer, or people like Alana Davis, who I think is a terrific pop rocker. She's not rich, she's not super well-known by any means. I'm just constantly in awe of people who are willing to sort of put themselves out there and do it for a love of the art and not to become famous. And that's what impresses me the most, not hanging out with Dylan backstage, which I've done.

Yea, me too. I like people who are just in it for the art, man, and not just to hang out with Bob Dylan and me.

REFLECTIONS ON THE COLD WAR

I'm inspired, having just read this and this and after reflecting a bit will continue to work on this. Thanks to Frank, for many things including the link that sent me there.

What are you waiting for? Go read them!

THE (MONETARY) COST OF WAR

I think the following (from a Pentagon report via Newsweek) goes nicely with the results of the WMD survey and this piece on a higher "cost" of war.

"423,998 U.S. MILITARY personnel were deployed; other Coalition forces sent an additional 42,987 troops. The total is roughly equivalent to the population of Albuquerque, N.M. The war lasted 720 hours. The allies flew more than 41,400 sorties. That consumed 18,622 tons of fuel, enough to keep a Boeing 737-300 airliner aloft for about 12 years. The Coalition flew 1,801 aircraft—all but 138 were American. The Iraqis were showered with 31,800,000 leaflets bearing 81 different messages. End to end, the leaflets would have made 120,454 rolls of toilet paper. Coalition forces lost 20 aircraft, but only 7 as a result of enemy fire. Search-and-rescue teams flew 55 missions and saved 73 people. 80 aircraft were flown to gather intelligence; they took 42,000 pictures of the battlefield, transmitted 3,200 hours of video and eavesdropped on 2,400 hours of Iraqi communications. Known costs: $917,744,361.55 —an amount equivalent to 46 minutes, 10.5 seconds’ worth of total U.S. economic output in 2001.
—John Barry

Of course, here's the headline they put over it:
War Costs: How Much? Well, How High Can You Count?

Tip of the hat to Chuck.

Ooglay Hussein's Diary

Hello America! Here again is Ooglay, soon perhaps to be more famous! How, Ooglay, could you, the talking of all of Hollywood, be more famous? I will be telling you the great new things that Allah wills.

I am taken to dinner with big Hollywood movie producer or director wants to make story of how evil American Georgeboosh made my country a stinking crater so he could be having my Glorious Father's Oils. Also with us is William Morris agent for Ooglay and some hooker they think will make me happy. Or maybe she is movie star, I can't ever tell. So we are eating and some drunk shows up starts bothering producer. "Hey, Alterman, what you doing? Who's your rag head buddy?" And producer doesn't want to say who I am for fear this man will exploit me (which many in Hollywood are in fear of others who might exploit me and they just want to help) but of course I already have finger curled around trigger of my glock as soon as he said "rag head" you know?

Also I should tell you, though in my country I wear business suit here it is better I wear Arab robes and headdress. This is so no one like lunatic John Ashcroft or police will bother me because it would be racial profiles, okay? Is trick I learned from Osama. Is how he travels here.

So my producer friend is telling his drunken infidel newpaper man to move on but newspaperman says something about "panning next movie" and soon Ooglay is shaking hands and hello saying with foul smelling infidel newsman. Then he is eating with us!

Okay, so soon he is saying "You know Oogie, (lots of Hollywoods call me Oogie or Oogster or something. I will laugh when they burn in lake of fire. Not after death, before. But that's another plan. Tell you later.), my man, I've got a buddy back east desperate for some diversity in his outfit. They just lost a colored guy they had working for 'em and I think you'd fit in nicely there. Interested?"

So I am wondering what is "colored guy" but soon my agent from William Morris is talking percentages and copyrights, reprints, book options, I don't know. By now we done eating and getting to part where star hooker whatever girl is really starting to bat eyes at Ooglay and telling me how she was rejected by Joe Millionaire but maybe Oog Billionaire could help her forget. Whatever. Oog doesn't care, you know? But there is room in harem. When I say this she giggles and laughs but I don't know why. "Oogman, baby, sign here." Says agent and I do, quickly, because leg rub has begun.

Okay so next day it turns out I am reporter for New Yorks Time! Yes, I Ooglay am writing now for American newspaper! This is fonny, yes? So I will be "helping to shape public opinion" is what they are saying. And "Write whatever. We have editors and translators to do the rest." So I don't know what to write first. Am I needs something different then Mudville Gazette Ooglay Hussein's Diary entries or can I be submitting them? Then I remember picture I found on refrigerator door at famous singer's house I'm staying in. Is beautiful girl picture. American girl, I'm surprised to learn. But I don't know her. So I will write in newspaper to find her!

"Hey, who is this girl? Anybody in America knows this beautiful angry girl who has captured Ooglay's heart with her hot angry good lookings and attitude please contact Ooglay through this paper or Mudville Gazette, okay? I want her!"

Now here is when Ooglay learns how good writing he is. Once editors and translators are done, it is turning out to be five-thousand word essay! Look here is first little part:

"Who is she, that gracious free spirit that gave so much of herself in so noble a cause? Can I ever get to know her now? My quest may seem futile, but I am driven, perhaps by that same sense of wanderlust and desire that drove this bright young mind to seek out a higher path, a bright tomorrow, and a better world."

I am good, yes? Wait til you see whole article in Sunday paper. Hah! I am making something of myself while my esteemed brothers can only be sitting on beach of French Riviera. I'll bet my glorious father will deliver a fisted pounding to them both when he is seeing my accomplishment. Lazy brothers! They will be getting some smacking from his sandals soon I am telling you now.

Oh, here is girl picture.

(Editors note: The complete works of Ooglay Hussein, from day one of the war through today, can be found here.)

Carnival of the Vanities

The Carnival of the Vanities is up and running at Cut on the Bias. What is it you ask? Go see it I say! Doesn't everybody love carnivals?

WELL...UM...OKAY...BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY STUPID?

From The Washington Post

'According to a May 1 Gallup poll for CNN and USA Today, 79 percent of Americans said the war with Iraq was justified even without conclusive evidence of the illegal weapons, while 19 percent said discoveries of the weapons were needed to justify the war. An April Washington Post-ABC News poll found that 72 percent supported the war even without a finding of chemical or biological weapons. Similarly, a CBS News poll found that 60 percent said the war was worth the blood and other costs even if weapons are never found."

And I'll bet a nickle the results are skewed left. Just wanted to let you know, if you're still hung up on the WMD thing, you are officially a wacko.

Of course, this country loves it's wackos.

QUICKIES (BUT THEY'LL JUST LEAVE YOU FRUSTRATED)

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE...
Okay, if Disney can provide a DVD that self-destructs, what does this say about the actual value of those blank DVDs we buy at the stores? Or any DVD or CD, pre-recorded or not. Certainly the production cost is significantly lower then audio or video tapes or even vinyl, yes? So why do so many willingly pay so much to so few for so little? Supply and demand, huh? I tell you what, I sometimes wish I could just download anything I wanted for free on the internet. Thankfully Madonna's keeping us all honest.

LET THE RE-RE-RE-WRITING OF HISTORY COMMENCE.
The BBC says the big, bad, Special Operators were a little overly macho when they rescued Jessica Lynch in the middle of a war after getting a report of her location and the abuse she was suffering. Of course the evil Pentagon denies it. I mean, come on, everyone knows the Iraqi's are the good guys, right? They don't torture prisoners do they?

By the way, doesn't it seem like the willingness to critique a Navy SEAL Op is directly proportional to the distance from the nearest SEAL? And please note that the following quote from the story is wrong in ten different ways:

"A week later, acting on intelligence information, U.S. Special Forces led a team of Marines, Army Rangers, Navy SEALs and airmen went into the hospital to rescue Lynch."

Special Forces led a team...went into the hospital? Huh? Do you guys fact check or proofread at all?

ROAD MAP UPDATE:
You know, all the Palestinians really want is to live in peace, worship as they please, feed their families, be free from fear, and kill every Jew in the world. Is that so much to ask?

THIS SHOULD OPEN A LOT OF DOORS
Speaking of that well known Palestinian sense of humor, I wonder what a list of "You Might Be a Palestinian if" would look like. You can wear a t-shirt like that to High School in America now. It's the land of the free.

EXCEPT IN COLLEGE
Where free speech is just another massive source of confusion for the already confused. Maybe my Blog friend John Lemon will run with this one over on his site. Can you imagine free speech on college campuses? What a wonderful world it would be...

AND FINALLY ARI IS CALLING IT QUITS:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush's spokesman Ari Fleischer said on Monday he will resign later this summer.

"I informed President Bush last week that after 21 years of doing nothing but government and politics ... that I have decided that my time has come to leave the White House. And I will leave later this summer, most likely in July," Fleischer said.

We here at The Mudville Gazette know the real truth behind this tale. Yep, nothing but cutting edge journalism from this corner of the sphere.

DEMOCRACY, WHISKEY, SEXY

I've just added a thousand more words to my personal war story. Click here.

...There are songs I play in my head when I want to get the blood flowing. One of them is Hair of the Dog by the group Nazareth. I can not suppress this strange thought: Say what you will of the music, but in a clash between people from a culture that produced that song and people from a culture that wails through the nose on the radio for entertainment while waiting for the will of Allah to accomplish anything, bet on the rockers...

HOUSE WARMING GIFT

I like this! My first housewarming gift is a nce picture from Angel. Thank you Angel!

I'll hang it here for now but will eventually find a permanent place for it...

MILF SQUAD INSERTED!

NOTE: This article is the third in a series. Previous entries can be viewed here and here.

Manila (IP News)
Bill Clinton's crack team of MILF hunters has infiltrated the island nation of the Philippines and begun the long awaited campaign against the "Islamic separatist guerrilla" organization. Although we at the Mudville Gazette have yet to receive direct word from the former president or any member of his MILF Squad, the Philippine military said it fired at least 135 artillery rounds on Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) positions in two areas of Mindanao island over the past 24 hours, killing an estimated "50 or more" MILF rebels. Troops began the artillery barrage and opened extensive ground operations against the separatist bases after Philippine President Gloria Arroyo ordered "selective aerial and artillery attacks to dislodge embedded terrorist cells."

Mr Clinton's activities may be in a different sector, however. The military said 13 MILF fighters surrendered on Sunday near the central Mindanao town of President Quirino. In a somewhat confusing plane-side interview prior to departing on his mission, Mr Clinton stated "We hope to avoid violence. Our greatest desire on this mission is to achieve complete and total surrender of the MILF with minimum struggle, if humanly possible. We have items available to help us to achieve this goal. These items range from candy bars to jewelry to fur coats to expensive luxury automobiles. Which items we use to fulfill our quest will be situationally dependent on the attitude, enthusiasm, and personal appearance of our individual quarry."

The exact composition of the MILF Squad was not released prior to their departure. Some sources did claim to see an individual resembling Jesse Jackson board the aircraft. Additional speculation arose that Gary Hart had withdrawn his consideration for a 2004 Presidential bid not for the stated reasons, but in order to participate in this historic mission. In a possible confirmation on his own blog, Hart states "My greatest fear is never having another opportunity to serve my country."

In a related story, video game industry giant ElectronicArts (EA) has announced it has acquired rights to develop simulations based on the MILF Squad missions. A press release for EA states:

"We anticipate the game to be a hybrid in the first-person shooter genre, pairing elements of the state-of-the-art game engine used for the U.S. Army's "Full Spectrum Warrior" combat simulator with classic elements of Sierra's "Leisure Suit Larry" series.

AMERICAN YOUTH

By Chelsea C.

Hi. Is this cool? I get to write about "youth oriented issues" on the internet. Shut up! I mean I know lots of people think my life is just like too easy or whatever but let me tell you it wasn't easy going to Stanford and then Oxford. And the cool thing about all that is I didn't need my dad or mom to "pull any strings" or whatever cause I am like totally my own self. And after years of hard work I got a cool job with McKinley or something where I do "research" for el gran-day de-nair-o. "Six figures" which I guess is okay. I mean money is not all that, you know? Anyhoo, it's all about the foundation that a good education provides. So I'll start by talking inspiring stuff about education, naturalymont (that's French!)!

This story has me totally ticked off. I mean, this chick totally no-shows school and gets "D's? Puh-lease! She should have got big "zeros"! I mean, come on, what's up with that? Although check this: This one time I had a real jerk-o teach back in high school. He was all "stop passing notes" and "pay attention" and "put that out", you know? So grade time is coming and he's all "Ms C, you have turned in nothing all semester" and I'm all "Well maybe you could have been a little less Barney, okay?" But anyhoo it was looking like "F" city for yours truly until whats his name from my detail says "I'll take care of this" and Mr "you didn't earn your grade young lady" got a real quick attitude adjustment and somebody got a new car for all "A" honor roll.

But I digress. Check out this sad tale. I mean how pathetic is this? My mom always says the Christians are totally ruining Christmas for everyone with all their bible thumping and all that other stuff. Daddy says always carry your bible on Sunday so if somebody takes a picture you say you were going to church. Personally we don't like 'em cause they aren't tolerant. Whatever. When you're getting ready for school just do not accessorize with a bible, okay? If I've learned anything in my personal experience it's that church and state do not mix.

Now I must go a little negative I'm afraid to say. So okay, today the rest of my guest column will be about that total skank-o, Jenna Bush. I mean, what is with her? I mean, What kind of totally spoiled rotten cheerleader type gets someone to cough up 24 hundred dee-nair-o for stones tix? Puh-leeese! These guys are like combined age 647 years old. Gah-ross! Excuse me while I purge.

Okay, anyhow, like I was saying, what a skank! Maybe if her dad was cool like some peoples dads are, she could have had a free concert just for her. Know what would be totally funny? If some one bogused her into paying for tickets to the free show! And donated the money to stop global warming or to PETA or something cool.

I do remember seeing some drunk chick dancing in the mosh pit with dad. But she was like totally passed out before the Stony Oldies even started that sexist racist pig anthem "Brown Sugar." Dad can be so totally embarrassing though. When he jumped on stage and started doing the "whooo whoo" part in Street Fighting Man with Mick I about died! I mean, as if! And when the Stones Hell's Angels Security guys came close to him and then dad's Secret Service dudes drew their guns and things got way uncool it was like "Oh I am so out of here." And I was, too.

But anyhoo that's not my point. My point is that I can't believe the Ick-queen of skankville has inherited my room, okay?

Gotta go. NOW meeting with Mom in 10. Ch'later.

Oh wait. I need a better title for my column. Any ideas?

SAVING HOLLYWOOD

Boycott Hollywood, that is. Could I be more confusing? Let me start at the beginning...

Some time ago the situation with the web site Boycott Hollywood came to my attention. Attorneys for the William Morris Agency, agents to the stars, were threatening to shut the site down. Had succeeded, in fact, as the web host had notified the site that they were going to pull the plug on them within hours. I was probably one of the first to hear of this, having caught mention of it on another Blog who may have been the first to post on it.

Now, being in the service of my country, sworn to support and defend the constitution, etc. etc., this kind of suppression of free speech tends to (ahem) irritate me a little. Especially during an actual war currently being fought in defense of that freedom. Whether for Hollywood morons or the everyday brilliant geniuses who actually make America great, when I say defend free speech I mean it. When I say I was irritated, I mean it's lucky for Kim Jung Il I wasn't still in Korea.

But what could I do about it? Nothing really. A bigger Blog then mine was already posting about it. So for a half second I was going to move on and hope for the best. Then I remembered that I'm a Florida voter (really) and that every vote counts.

And two, here was a real chance to test Greyhawk's theory: "The (so-called) liberal view in the liberal vs. conservative debate can not survive the immediate 'printed' media that is today's web." See the connection? My thought was that the Blogosphere would certainly "act up" on this one. I truly believed the liberal elite had underestimated their opponent on this one. They may have thought they were taking on one little web site, but they were going to learn differently. There are an estimated 3 million Blogs in America today.

But again I thought, why bother? I had convinced myself that this problem would be solved with or without me. No action was required on my part. And any action I did take would likely be an exercise in futility.

But then that Florida voter thing came back again.

So I did the only thing I could do about it, and committed myself to doing whatever else I could. I researched (15 minutes work) every involved party in the situation, their websites and e-mail. (Original posts I had seen had not listed this information.) I sent a quick e-mail to the attorney's (carefully worded) then put all my efforts together in this blog entry posted it and sat back. (Total work: one half hour.) Then I realized I could do more. I'm a fairly regular commenter on several different Blogs so I pasted the same piece into their comments sections, slightly modified each time for the "target audience". In most cases these posts provoked heavy discussion (a lot of my Blogging buddies are attorneys) and some heavy e-mail traffic. But also a result occurred that I didn't anticipate.

On one of my visits to Boycott Hollywood shortly after I noted some posts in their comments section on this story that made me a bit suspicious. A familiar name popped up, similar to someone who is a regular visitor here. And this person had purchased (registered) domain names for Boycott Hollywood that would let them continue operations with minimal expense.

So I sent an e-mail to my suspect, and shortly after got a reply. I was right. The "Angel" that helped Boycott Hollywood was a reader of this web site that had actually first heard of the situation through one of my posts. Furthermore, a connection with a web hosting service (one with a spine) allowed this person to help set up a new site for the beleaguered Boycott Hollywood. This host will not buckle under at the first sign of trouble from the liberal elite, I'm sure. So don't expect Boycott Hollywood to go away any time soon. (Unless they want to.)

Three conclusions I draw from these events:

One: Never believe your actions are futile or don't matter. Boycott Hollywood probably would have been "saved" even without my meager efforts. (I'm even more convinced that Greyhawk's Theory is right, and that my theory doesn't need me.) But hey! I played a part! The obvious moral: Take action! It does matter!

Two: Angel is my hero. And a great and true American. I'm proud to serve a country that has people like her in it. Thank you Angel. It's going to be easier for me to go to work tomorrow.

Three: I'm proud to serve a country where good wins over evil. And that is fundamentally what really happened here. It doesn't always work like that. To you good people at Boycott Hollywood: Thank you for persevering against heavy odds. Your foe appeared bigger, stronger, and faster then you, but look who won. That is truly inspiring.

Keep the faith people!

DEMOCRACY, WHISKEY, ETC.

Speaking of Armed Forces, I've updated my ongoing essay. Click here.

...given recent history, if in some way the U.S. could be invaded and conquered in like manner, the crowd of Democrats toppling statues and looting the Smithsonian would far exceed the numbers of Iraqis dancing in the streets of Baghdad that glorious day...

ARMED FORCES APPRECIATION DAY

Saturday, May 17th, is Armed Forces Appreciation Day. If you know any military folks, let them know you appreciate them. (Note: Picture is a link to site with information on events.)

WELCOME TO THE ALL NEW MUDVILLE GAZETTE

Join in our grand opening festivities all weekend long. Note that all entries have been transferred from older sites, including the complete works of Ooglay Hussein. Unfortunately, none of the old comments were movable. Feel free to leave new ones here! Lots of posts are in the works! Still more changes to come! Enjoy!

JUST FOR FUN

Okay, click here, wait, cry, laugh.

GREYHAWK'S MAILBAG

AS a high powered and influential Democratic Party eCaptain I get lots of vitally important e-mail from lots of vitally important people. They expect me to share it with you.
Enjoy!

From: "Terry McAuliffe"
To: "John Greyhawk"
Cc:
Subject: Action Alert: Contact Congress This Wednesday
Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 17:45:39 -0500

Dear John Greyhawk,
Last week, I told you how the Democratic Party is partnering with MoveOn.org, People for the American Way, Campaign for America's Future, and dozens of other groups representing millions of Americans to organize a massive public mobilization opposing the irresponsible Bush tax scheme.

On Wednesday, May 14, I'm asking you to join hundreds of thousands of activists across the nation as we call our members of Congress to stand up in opposition to the Bush plan to give billions in new tax breaks to the wealthiest sliver of Americans.

Click here to get contact information for your Senators and Representatives and call and email them this Wednesday.

Key Points to Make
When you call and email your members of Congress, be sure to mention the following important points:

The tax cuts in the Bush plan overwhelmingly benefit the wealthiest sliver of Americans, providing little relief to most working families.
The Bush plan does nothing to help states confront their worst fiscal crisis since World War II. States have been forced to cut vital programs -- for education, health care, homeland security, and more -- and even raise taxes on working families.
The irresponsible Bush tax scheme will create enormous new debts for the next generation.
Democrats in Congress have introduced a real stimulus plan that will get our economy moving again, with targeted tax breaks, aid for cash-strapped states and small businesses, and an extension of unemployment benefits.

You can make a difference by calling and emailing your members of Congress today.

Click here to get contact information for your Senators and Representatives and let them know that you oppose the irresponsible Bush tax scheme and support the sensible, effective Democratic stimulus plan.

Sincerely,

Terence R. McAuliffe
Chairman

From: "Peter Schurman, MoveOn.org"
To: "john greyhawk"
Cc:
Subject: Call Washington: Who gains from the tax & budget cuts?
Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 06:33:21 -0700 (PDT)

Dear MoveOn member,

This is it -- the culmination of our countdown. We need your help. Today, hundreds of thousands of people will call on their Senators to vote against new tax cuts for millionaires, so we can save our kids' schools and other vital programs from the budget axe. Will you join us and call today? The final votes could come as soon as tomorrow.

Many members of the Bush administration stand to benefit handsomely from the new cuts: "Treasury Secretary John Snow tops the list with a $275,000 windfall... Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld could pocket an extra $184,000. And not far behind is the $181,000 that could go to Secretary of Commerce Don Evans," according to AFSCME.*

In fact, many Senators themselves are likely to reap enormous windfalls. For example, Bill Frist, the Senate Republican leader, has an estimated net worth of $20 million.** What do these Senators and their well-off friends stand to gain from these cuts? Let's ask them.

Please call your Senators now! Make sure the staffers know you're a constituent, and urge your Senators to please OPPOSE all new tax