Ignorance: Billy Joel's Gift to the World

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December 14, 2008

Ignorance: Billy Joel's Gift to the World

Greyhawk

(Update: Okay, there's really only one way to respond to crap like this. I've written my own song, dedicated to Billy Joel. You'll find it posted below.)

*****

So I'm out driving this morning, listening to Christmas songs on the radio. Among them, John Bon Jovi's "Back Door Santa" - first time I'd ever heard it, but I immediately thought it was the worst Christmas song I'd ever heard. (Update: Heh)

Until I got home and opened an email from Sgt Sumner (of 9/11 Families for a Safe and Strong America):

Greyhawk:

If you follow the links within the article and the instruction, you can both see the lyrics and for free download the actual song (just hit the skip icon in the payment options screen when you get to it). As Mrs G might read this ahead of you, I will not fully express here what I think of Joel's POS song.

Joel explains that he's "not charging for the song because he simply wants people to hear it and think of the soldiers - "those poor bastards'' - stuck in Iraq for Christmas."

But the song is his way of thanking the people of Australia for still thinking he's worth listening to:

"We wanted to do something to commemorate our tour of Australia,'' he said. "There are no other recordings of this song, with me singing, available.

"We thought it would be a nice way to say thank you on our last night in Oz: Merry Christmas!''

Australia is golden territory for Joel, who has sold more than five million albums here. It was also one of the first countries to break his career-defining hit, Piano Man, in 1975.

Joel wrote Christmas In Fallujah last year and originally had it recorded by young US singer Cass Dillon because, at 22, he is closer to the age of the soldiers who inspired it.

Hard to believe someone could be as ignorant of Iraq or the troops as Joel is, but it's true. Unfortunately he wants to share that ignorance with the world.

Lyrics below.

BILLY Joel's CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
IT’S EVENING IN THE DESERT
I’M TIRED AND I’M COLD
BUT I AM JUST A SOLDIER
I DO WHAT I AM TOLD

WE CAME WITH THE CRUSADERS
TO SAVE THE HOLY LAND
IT’S CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
AND NO ONE GIVES A DAMN

AND I JUST GOT YOUR LETTER
AND THIS IS WHAT I READ . . . . . . YOU SAID
I’M FADING FROM YOUR MEMORY
SO I’M JUST AS GOOD AS DEAD

WE ARE THE ARMIES OF THE EMPIRE
WE ARE THE LEGIONNAIRES OF ROME
IT’S CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
AND WE AIN’T NEVER COMING HOME

WE CAME TO BRING THESE PEOPLE FREEDOM
WE CAME TO FIGHT THE INFIDEL
THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE DESERT
BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD IN HELL

THEY SAY OSAMA’S IN THE MOUNTAINS
DEEP IN A CAVE NEAR PAKISTAN
BUT THERE’S A SEA OF BLOOD IN BAGHDAD
A SEA OF OIL IN THE SAND

BETWEEN THE TIGRIS AND EUPHRATES
ANOTHER DAY COMES TO AN END
IT’S CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
PEACE ON EARTH GOODWILL TO MEN

IT’S CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH
IT’S CHRISTMAS IN FALLUJAH
HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH

*****

Update: Okay, there's really only one way to respond to crap like this. I've written my own song, dedicated to Billy Joel:

A Short Pianist's Lament

It's evening in Australia
I'm on stage to sing and dance
But when I hit a high note
I completely shit my pants

I'm Billy Joel, goddammit
I'm as famous as can be
And you can ask your parents
I was married to Brinkley

Huh? Oh - she used to be a model
Your dad would probably know
And honestly she's still hot
But this is about MY show

When the record company called me
and said my records wouldn't sell
I told them they were crazy
I told them go to hell

I'm the guy that wrote "Piano Man"
Back in '73
Somewhere I've got a fan club
devoted totally to me

You think I can't be young and hip?
Can't get it up the charts no more?
Just wait a minute while I write
a song about the Iraq War!

I'll bet I can get a Grammy, dammit
On TeeVee (not just in my head)
Get Uptown Girl to answer my calls
and hang up on her instead!

What's that you say there, Sony?
You don't want my Christmas song?
It's because I'm Jewish, isn't it!
Wait, you say I got it wrong?

I'm what? Too old? You're shittin' me!
The girls all think I'm thrillin'
Do what? With who? Go where? Up yours!
And who the hell's Cass Dillon?

I mean, I can play you a memory,
Though I'm not really sure how it goes
But its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mans clothes

So I'm off the wagon once again
In some bar on Christmas eve
Calling the waiter "my friend John"
And demanding my drinks for free

When in walks a guy in a sailor suit
I shout "ahoy there Davy"
"I bet it's me that you're comin' to see"
and he feeds me my teeth! F%^k the Navy!!

I'm Billy Joel, goddammit
I'm famous, I'm groovy, I find
Everywhere I go folks love me
Including Fallujah in my mind

I'm Billy Joel, goddammit
I'm famous, I've kept my groove on
Next year I'll play Caesar's Palace
As a warmup act for Elton John

-- Greyhawk, 2008

*****

And finally, here's one I actually wrote in Baghdad, Christmas '04.

Posted by Greyhawk at 03:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) |

Show Comments Here (12) |

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No Wonder it's free, It sucks big time. Billy Joels an ass anyway.

Posted by River Rat at December 14, 2008 04:40 PM

This isn't Billy Joel. This was performed by some protege of his. It came out last year. Cass Dillon is the name of the performer.

I don't actually see what's wrong with it. It doesn't seem anti-military to me. It might be anti-Iraq war, but I think we're overreacting here.

Posted by Don at December 14, 2008 07:41 PM

Hey, GH, give us some warning, huh!! You are HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for a good laugh today.

Posted by Maggie45 at December 14, 2008 07:54 PM

The spray in Vietnam was agent orange as I picked up another problem. So far I have lived a good live and will until the final day back our efforts in Vietnam.

Joel is a flaming as' hole

Posted by Al Bee at December 14, 2008 08:52 PM

Don

"This isn't Billy Joel."

Yes it is. It's a song written, performed, and recorded by Billy Joel.

"This was performed by some protege of his. It came out last year. Cass Dillon is the name of the performer."

That's correct, as explained in the post above. And this year Billy is doing it.

"I don't actually see what's wrong with it."

The problem is, Billy Joel is an ignorant shitbag who thinks he can speak on my behalf. So I wrote a song on his behalf.

"It doesn't seem anti-military to me."

Who besides you is saying anything about him being anti-military?

"It might be anti-Iraq war, but I think we're overreacting here."

By writing my own parody song in response?

Posted by Greyhawk at December 14, 2008 08:55 PM

heres what I told fucknuts he does not even qualify as a friggin tool http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm2aqyXL7YE

Posted by Donovan1776 at December 15, 2008 12:03 AM

full of all the talking points of the weary left: no one cares about the soldiers... this is just like the crusades... blood for oil... (couldn't he find anything to rhyme with haliburton? or bush.cheney.hitler?) yadayadayada.

and yes, dear billy is soooo concerned about "his fans that served in Iraq" that he hasn't gotten up the nerve to do a USO show or visit his "fans" in Iraq (maybe because the don't allow alcohol there?) -- and as best as I can determine, nor has he visited or performed for them anywhere else for that matter. heh.

Posted by Some Soldier's Mom at December 15, 2008 01:04 AM

Greyhawk, I don't think Billy Joel will like your song. He won't like you either, come to think about it. Oh, well. The feeling is mutual! BTW, you are a very good song writer. You should write more.

Posted by Grannylu at December 15, 2008 03:30 AM

Re "full of all the talking points of the weary left": Full of all the talking points that the rabid, ridiculed, and repudiated right can't answer, you mean.

Posted by Rob Schmidt at December 15, 2008 08:50 AM

I have a pair of old Jump boots (size 12D) I will throw at that washed up old infidel, Billy Joel!Pig piss be upon him! My family of believers praise Allah for your rendition of "A Short Pianist's Lament"! Merry Xmas.

Posted by JihadGene at December 15, 2008 12:28 PM

I posted about this song and video last year around this time. After my listen to the song and reading the lyrics there was no question in mind but that it was an anti-American, anti-military song but I posited the question. The responses were interesting in that Marines/soldiers who had served in Fallujah/Iraq agreed with me. Apparently, this song is still being peddled since a commenter from yesterday said she had just heard the song in Australia yesterday.

http://bearcreekledger.com/2007/12/06/what-do-you-think-christmas-in-fallujah-is-it-an-antiwar-song/

Posted by Toni at December 15, 2008 10:18 PM

Chef Anthony Bourdain fired anyone who played Billy Joel songs in his kitchen...or so I heard.

I, sad to share, do not have a BJ CD, album, or tape. I never could get into his music. Since when is the Holy Land in Iraq unless he is thinking of ancient Babylon and the Diaspora?

Posted by Cricket at December 16, 2008 02:15 PM

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December 14, 2008

Ignorance: Billy Joel's Gift to the World