An Old Military Expression

An old military expression popped into my head the moment I read the following story. The saying is usually meant to be sarcastic, and goes like this: "Well... ain't that a bitch?"

Which, translated into PG-speak means, well... ain't that a shame? But this guy wasn't PG:

RAMALLAH, West Bank (AP) -- Abul Abbas, the Palestinian mastermind of the 1985 hijacking of the Achille Lauro passenger ship in which an American tourist was killed, has died in U.S. custody in Iraq, Palestinian and U.S. officials said Tuesday. He was 56.

Abbas' small Palestine Liberation Front commandeered the Italian cruise ship, demanded the release of 50 Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails and threw an elderly wheelchair-bound Jewish American tourist, Leon Klinghoffer, overboard after shooting him.

Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said that Abbas died Monday, ``apparently ... of natural causes.'' He said there would be an autopsy.

Now these days "natural causes" in Iraq could mean a number of things. Unfortunately, I think in this case it means the same as in the US.

But not for this guy:

MANASSAS, Va. — Convicted sniper mastermind John Allen Muhammad will be executed for his role in the October 2002 killing spree that left 10 people dead in the Washington, D.C., area, a judge ruled Tuesday.

"These offenses are so vile that they were almost beyond comprehension," Circuit Judge LeRoy F. Millette Jr. said in court.

By the way, what's with the "mastermind" crap? Note that both these guys were "masterminds" in the eyes of the media.

Muhammad denied any involvement in the killings Tuesday, telling the judge, "Don't make a fool of the Constitution of the United States of America."

"Just like I said at the beginning, I had nothing to do with this, and I'll say again, I had nothing to do with this," Muhammad said.

Defense lawyer Peter Greenspun said Muhammad is not inherently evil.

"I've represented a lot of bad guys," Greenspun said. "I've represented guys that you look them in the eye and see evil. I've spent a lot of time with John Allen Muhammad and that's not him."

"Oh, my bad." Said the judge, "In that case, you're free to go. Please die from natural causes."

Like these guys. Or this guy. Or this guy or this guy.

Too much death? That and taxes, you know. But hey, according to this guy, we might not make it to April 15 any way.

And since we can't even decide whether we can hold "dirty bomb" suspects or not, be thankful for this.

And maybe you'll get to spend your tax check after all.

(Sorry. Here's one for a laugh.)