The Grinch II

Don't worry - the Mudville Christmas Special '07 will begin soon. But hey - it's that time of year when the networks roll out the old Christmas specials, and here at Mudvile we think that's a fine idea, so we're going to do some of our own. Here's one originally from Christmas 2003 - and while some of the links no longer function we think you'll get the drift of our look at why you see the headlines you often do at this time of year...

Everyone in America Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived just left of most folks, Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was his heart (or something) was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
When Hanukah came he hated the Jews,
On Christmas his hate spread throughout his views
to Christians, Republicans, and right wingers too!

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he sat down and started by taking some notes.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy thing!"
"With a choice few news stories some despair I'll bring!"

"This'll do for a start..." The Grinch said, "and how!"
And he told the whole world about America's Mad Cow!

"And just wait, now I've started some none-too-subtle spinning
on this story so you'll think that the terrorists are winning!

And toss in this plane scare, that should keep them home
where they can spend Christmas, miserable and alone!


Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the newsroom, and he laughed at the "peasants".
He looked for a story of deaths in a fire,
when suddenly Baghdad news lit up the wire.

"Whee hee!" He cried out "This on page one goes;
even though they caught Saddam the violence grows!"

He filed his stories with a gleam in his eyes
"Tonight's work should get me a Pulitzer prize!"
But his head hurt from all of that serious thinking,
so he sat himself down and he started to drinking...

The next day, quite hungover, he slowly awoke,
but smiled and cackled, grabbed the cable remote
"Pooh-Pooh to the fools!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! Then they'll see the news!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the sheepleville sheeple will all cry Boo-Hoo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he cranked the surround sound, put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising on the news show.
It started in low.
Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at America! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Everyone cross the nation, the tall and the small,
were singing! Without any real cares at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinchy-head pounding in pain,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "They must be insane!"
"I know - they're too stupid! They don't realize!
It's me that they need just to open their eyes!"

And what happened then...? Well...there's some who might say
That the Grinch's small heart shrunk three sizes that day!

'Cause he pulled all the shades and he locked up the door,
and started drooling and typing, snarling "Dean in '04!"

But all over the country, much to my relief
people sat down to dinner.
Roast Beef.

by greyhawk
(Original post: 2003-12-26 22:06:57)