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(WASHINGTON, IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING)
The Pentagon today denied allegations that PFC Jessica Lynch led a commando raid that destroyed offices of the BBC and the NY Times. Despite claims to the contrary from both news organizations, Army officials stated that the young woman is still recovering from injuries sustained in the recent war, and as such was "absolutely incapable of participating in any combat activities, no matter how desirable those activities might be." This claim was supported by Lynch's father, speaking from his front porch overlooking his extensive acreage of tobacco fields.
Spokespersons for the well-respected news organizations, however, tell a different story.
“It was like a Hollywood film,” said the BBC mouthpiece. “They cried, ‘Go, Go, Go!’ with guns and blanks and the sound of explosions. They made a show, an action movie like Sylvester Stallone or Jackie Chan, with jumping and shouting, breaking down doors. Frankly, I wet myself”
"Yes, exactly the same at the Times." echoed someone claiming to be their spokesperson. "Except for the pants wetting. That didn't happen here. Quit staring at my crotch."
Efforts at independent verification of any version of this story returned no results. A recent Yahoo! news search turned up 43 stories about Lynch — mostly about disgraced New York Times reporter Jayson Blair’s having never visited her home despite feigning a description in a story.
FOR IP NEWS, RICK BRAGG REPORTING
