Ooglay's War: Part II

Ooglay's War: Part II

OKAY, These next things are not from first day of war, they come later. But is still diary things.

21 Mar:
Here is a great outrage that by the prophet can not be allowed!! I am Ooglay son of Saddam long may he reign and never to be replaced by Uday! Most exalted Uday may your cane be ever straight! I am seeing on CNN Europe in my under-Palace that U.S. Marine Corps has raised that needing-burning U.S. Flag over Umm Qasr, the birthplace home of my beloved mother 16th wife of Saddam and whos dowry was 300 camels!
Now outrages this too far exceed my anger and my hate is burning til my fingers clench and hardly can i think toi talk your language on my keyboard!!
Okay, so I am calming some. Now here is what I am saying to you my American allies or anyone who so often here say you are anti-war: I, Ooglay Hussein will be giving to the first of you who can go to Umm Qasr Marine Corps base, rip down that filthy flag and burn it, the princely sum of 3,000,000 dinar!!!!
Now also you who are parading and fighting in your filthy crime ridden American streets have gladdened my soul. On behalf of my father who will live to ancient years and will in his grand benevelance gladly give all promised gifts to your protest leaders as agreed before the war. Do not stop now.
(And now this part is the proivate messaging to my cousin Shaheed: I am seeing you in the rioting picture from San Francisco! We are proud and happy for no one had heard of you since Canada. Do not be stopping now, you are turning the evil satans against each other and you make my father's only smile!)
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 21, 2003 05:06 AM

Ahh my "ally" Frenchman, here I Ooglay am drinking now heavily for reasons of my own and will soon be finished for tonight. But my educating is needed for those of American schoolings. Listen here is the reason why Georgebush is the world joke butt okay?
I am inventing good jokes all the time in the palace and so I went to tell my glorious father for whom i will gladly make of myself a baricade before your paper tanks a new joking i had thought. I saw his office door being not shut allways so that means i can enter? right? so i approached the prescence of he for whom the sun provides warmth and he was on the phone at his desk but i stood proudly before him and he is talking to chiraq and this is always making him angry and he is saying when jacques will your foul foreign legion arrive? Don't jerk me Jacques! And okay i think he needs a laugh.
"Glorious Father for whom i would gladly ride a MOAB from the plane to the ground,here is a riddle for your laughing!!"
And he looked at me with those kill-you-slowly eyes he used on dans rather but doesn't say a word
and I say "then how many georges bush does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" and he looks now like he looks at the meat grinder people and I say "Oh no please don't say there's more then one!!! Get it?"
And so that is when he struk me very forcefully between my eyes with the phone.
And I am now falling backwards and if not for the will of Allah that our friend Hans Blix was there to catch me I would inded have fallen into the drums of ricin that were nearly filling that half of the room.
So now is why george bush is worlds joke, okay, because a bit later as i come to my senses my glorious father for whom I would run naked with only my sword into your onrushing marines is telling this same joke of mine to Chiraq!!
And that is how it came to be, that the world jokes about bush, i swear on my mothers purity!
But Frenchmen, where is my foriegn legion frenchmen?
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 21, 2003 12:27 PM

And here is my other good joke:
I am designing T-shirt and it shows blown up things like the ancient ziggurat and Esteemed brother Udays palace (may none of his others experience harm) and the museum that Qusays people blew up this morning, okay, and then it says "Okay, shock and awe, shock and awe! We get it already, now go home!" Don't you think it's funny? Okay now keep listening to what i write; I am Ooglay! Well I make a picture of them and make it look like the pope is wearing one and I put them on e-bay for 50,000,000 dinar each an so far i sell 3 million of them in France and San Francisco! This is a wonderful thing but here is where Ooglay is funny joke: we will never make or deliver them!!! Ha!! Now where is your foriegn legion!
Posted by: ooglay on March 21, 2003 12:38 PM

25 March:
Hey who is to be telling me war is dangerous! I am the one who will be telling you! It is Ooglay, son of my father, who is smarter then the smartest of your smart bombs!!Yes you are rightly thinking I am alive and well. Allah be praised! After last poting I made telling how my glorious father was safe with me in my underpalace which the americans (i spit when i say that word though dying of 1000 thirsts) were not finding with bombs. Well it was not one halfhour later when they found it with more bombs then i would care to see again i tell you now! I do not like your inhuman shockanaw! You american protestors must make georgebush stop trying to take my glorious fathers oil with his shockanaw! All he is doing is stealing the beloved leader of my county's oils! Then he can put it in your SUV and that is how he will take your tax cut money back I tell you it's true on my mothers purity i swear! Protest him until he stops, you infidel swine!!!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:29 AM

Ouch stop hiting me my brother Uday with that cursed cane...I'm writng now I'm sory for calig or protested friend teh swine. They are not the swne teh glorous protestrs, my fater declars you all honorary citizen of Iraq! Now, my esteemed brother, ma yopu have 2000 sons, enough wit the caning of my hindquarters!! Look at my typings now...
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:37 AM

Hello to you all It is Ooglay, son of the glorious leader of the people of Iraq. Long may he reign! Long may they know the thousand daily pleasures of his reigning on them!
Ooglay where have you been? This is the thing everyone here is asking everyone else here I am sure i know this. My story is that war is dangerous like only I can tell you. Hear me: After the shockanawing on my underpalace my father and brothers or their doubles (who can tell these days with all of us covered in s**t) blamed Ooglay for revealing the secret location on his postings. Well let me tell you no one except the foulest of your hollywood infidels would deserve a fisted pounding the like of which they gave Ooglay on that day I tell you I swear by the hump of my camel. Three Saddams, two Udays, and I think one of the many Qasays were all kicking me at one time. You do not want a thing like that, you soft Americans!And my humanshield did not shield me at all that day! Curse his hide!! I hope he's sent to Basra!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 11:49 AM

So now you are thinking you know war is bad? Not the half of the bad things you are knowing! I am Ooglay and for my glorious father i would hand pull a wagon full of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons to the syrian border except that i just drove it there and it was a truck!
Now I will tell you where I have been: After my beating my brothers took me and hoisted me up on the flagpole on the roof of the last standing ministry of defense building here in Baghdad!! And all that day and into the night I stayed there on top of the empty building, like hello american missile pilots, here is Ooglay shoot me!! And Uday was thinking he was very funny to be shining the russian laser guidance beam on me that night from across the street! D**n the russians! We shine their useless guidance lasers on the museums and the mosques and they are not hit ever!! The Russians will pay for selling useless crap to my angry father, I will be telling you!! Well Allah be praised Ooglay was spared when the Americans did not come that night! So I am thinking Good they maybe are starting on Teheran (this should be making you protestors angry!) but the next day they still leave me up flapping all day. And so they would the next night but my mother, praise upon her wondrous beauty, arrived on the bus from Umm Qasr and gave Uday a beating with his own cane and made him take me down! And I am not knowing what she did to my illustrious father but he has stopped drawing his pistol now when I enter the room!
So it is I Ooglay, who is knowing that war is dangerous!!!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 12:12 PM

Ohh and I forgot to all the wonderful protestors Teheran is in Iran, it is different from Iraq. Are you seeing it? Now go and make a parade, you have no time for here! You should have the new signs from Qasay by now. Please to be using them!!
And you Hollywooder infidels, may you burn for eternity in 1000 lakes of fire, my glorious father has cleared the best rooms in the palace hotel for you. He loves you and is ready for your illustrious visits just as planned. The lakes of fire is my kidding. Be unafraid. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on March 25, 2003 12:16 PM

1 Apr:
Hello America! Ooglay is loving Americans! Okay, stop bombing now! Or else this: Our 4,000 suicide bombers will each attack you 3 times in the coming week! I swear on my mothers purity this is true!
Now this is not for what I am here talking to you. I am not talking about my younger brother Quesay who is sick of all this fighting! Neither am I not talking about my half brother Quasi!
Today I am here to be telling about the funny Peter Arnett. He is making me laugh! My Father, for whom I would lead the Fedayeen Saddam into the gates of Hell, says he hates this ignorant infidel but that he is a "useful idiot". Ooglay says, "what?" and gets an open handed slapping.
So that is part of why I don't like him either. Also here is what is like your infidel Michael Jackson who is popular with you, so when you like him you will be liking Arnett too, and do what he says. When Arnett comes to the palace he is always wanting to sleep with my Glorious Father. Just to sleep, to listen to bed time story, and have milk and cookies, okay? Nothing funny.
So my father does not like this pudgy fat man with bad hair and no mustache like magnum PI. But he is "useful idiot" whatever this is meaning, so here is funny part. Every month when Arnett comes to visit he is in bed with one of my father's double, and doesn't know this!! Hahahaha on him! Stupid!
Or maybe he is using double too?
Now listen to him and stop your war!!!!! (And remember, Ooglay is loving America, okay?)
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on April 1, 2003 06:03 AM

3 Apr:
! Hahahah here is Ooglay Hussein and I am funny too and so is my brothers may their camels produce wealth beyond their dreams! Here is funny thing even though it is middle of war!
Okay, on Tuesday bad news we say to the Uday doubles: "We had to amputate Uday's arm and leg because of injury in shockanaw. So now we have to making you look like him some more! Who is first?" So they all say they are doing something else but hey! We give them a fisted pounding and cut off arm and leg on some without even using painkiller! Then after maybe three of them cut up and the others are beaten and tied up then we have Uday come out and hey! He has both arms and legs! Because "April Fool" it is just a big joke, okay! So then we all are laughing except ones who have to hop around and eat with filthy left hand now! Hahahah!
I am laughing at you stupid Americans now that Peter Arnett is telling truth in Englands paper. He is saying some of your paratroopers have still not landed because you were not knowing how tough the Iraqi air is! They just float around up there waiting! You are stupid. Go make your protesting parades now! See you in Peoria!
Posted by: Ooglay Hussein on April 3, 2003 05:08 AM

8 April:
Hey you American swine! Ooglay will be telling you a rumor he started. It is fonny one! Ready for listening? Ooglay went to french sore bone University with Shahad, fourth son of my honored Uncle Ali. (You call him "Chemical" but we call him "happy ali" because he is always whistling happy songs. Also we call him "wheezy" but that is another story.) Anyway we both like same French girl, yes? And French girls are easy because only competition is French males, and they are not how you say interested much in girls. Who can blame them? Only people who are thinking French girls are pretty have not ever been to France. Only after much drinking are they better looking then a camel. But this French girl was different. Still not so pretty but very enthusiastic girl. After only one maybe two wine drinks she is very nice to be looking upon. And Shahad is saying "she would look good vieled!" And he treats her like dirt but who would be knowing she likes him more then Ooglay? So even though Ooglay is son of Glorious Leader and Shahad is just General's fourth son she chooses him and is his fifth wife. And Ooglay's beauteous mother makes Ooglay take present to wedding! So who cares it was years ago. A very nice western gold fondue set. Jewel encrusted, so one may break off and choke him. Always he is better at sports then Ooglay, too. Pig. Also he graduated Sore Bone. Big deal. Ooglay would if he wanted to also. I had to leave France very fast for none of your business, that's why!
Posted by Ooglay Hussein at April 8, 2003 11:37 AM

Okay I was forgetting rumor. But that is because Shahad always is making me angry. Many years ago my Glorious Father, for whom Allah has a special place, says "kill him and be done with it" and gives me the special knife he used on the cats in his Tikrit days. But no. I can not.
But now last night I am thinking "Hey? I wonder how Shahad is doing these days?" And I call the Centcom number on the fax they sent me before the warring started and say "Hey! It is Ooglay! Here is where my father is, pigdogs!" And I give them GPS coordinates for Shahad's Restaraunt he is owning now!
But what is scary a minute is later my esteemed brother says "Oh wondrous Father, let us go in the Nissan to eat at Shahad's. We can stiff him for the check!" And I have to talk him out of going and Father too. I had to secret cut the tires on the Sentra with fathers cat knife. What a fisted pounding I would get for that one if they knew!
So anyway pretty soon boom boom boom boom! Shahads restaraunt is gone. And if Shahad was there he is now maybe just a cloud of pink mist. Ha! Stupid Americans bombed only the McDonalds they would have in that part of Baghdad! "Yes, fat Saddam can't resist Happy Meal!" I told them. "He loves the Evil Grimace". Ooglay knows how to lay it on thick when he needs to, you know?
And then I say to father "Allah be praised, how fortunate for us the flatness of the tires?" Still he kicked me one time and Uday punched my shoulder once then twice more for flinching.
And Centcom says it was nice restaraunt. Ha!
How you liking that one Shahad, Mr Soccer Superstar? Say hello to Giselle for Ooglay okay?

Now maybe today I will be finishing first day of war in my diary. I don't know. So much happens in war! Give me time.
Posted by Ooglay Hussein at April 8, 2003 12:00 PM

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