MEDIA DIVERSITY WEEK

Apparently, in addition to white men, there are lots of other colors and genders of people in the world. I was surprised to hear this, since other then this week they never get any press, but it's true. To you more aware readers it may seem hardly believable that Media Diversity Week is here again already, but it is. I know, it hardly seems like a year has gone by, but it has. Time sure does fly. Can you believe that "Time-Out for Diversity and Accuracy" is in it's fifth year? Wow. And you thought it was just a fad. This story is from from AP's Minority Issues Writer, Deborah Kong. There was no picture of Deb with the story but her name sounds Chinese. I think I get a diversity point for linking her (I also assume she is female).

"With special reporting assignments, training sessions and critiques of their own newspapers, journalists across the country will begin a weeklong effort Monday to focus on diversity in their coverage.

During the week, the San Jose Mercury News plans to assess photos that have appeared in the newspaper — studying the age, race and gender of the subjects, among other things — and to watch Woods' portion of the video, Yarnold said."

Well, count me in! I am glad our nations media will no longer write callously about minorities. It's about time. Also, I hope they don't count the sports sections. That would be unfair. I think they should only count the news sections. And at Mudville, we celebrate diversity everyday!

Update: I've searched the on-line news sites and so far only Fox is covering "Time Out for Diversity and Accuracy" publicly. I hope the rest aren't ignoring it. I have noticed lot's of Arabic-types in the news lately though...

TODAY'S HEADLINES

Lot's of different stories are being selected for lead story today at the various online news services. Here's a look at the wide variety of topics:

USA Today: U.S. fires on Iraqi protesters
FALLUJAH, Iraq (AP) — U.S. soldiers opened fire on Iraqis at a nighttime demonstration against the American presence here after people shot at them with automatic rifles, soldiers said Tuesday. The director of the local hospital said 13 people were killed and 75 injured.

CNN: Iraqis say U.S. troops fired on civilians
FALLUJAH, Iraq (CNN): -- Conflicting accounts emerged Tuesday about a clash between the U.S. military and civilians in Iraq that witnesses and Red Cross officials said killed at least 15 Iraqis and wounded up to 53 others.

Washington Post: U.S. Soldiers Kill 13 at Iraq Protest Rally, Hospital Reports
FALLUJAH, Iraq-- U.S. soldiers opened fire on Iraqis at a nighttime demonstration against the American presence here after people shot at them with automatic rifles, soldiers said Tuesday. The director of the local hospital said 13 people were killed and 75 injured.

N.Y. Times: U.S. Troops Fire on Iraqi Protesters, Leaving 15 Dead
FALLUJAH, Iraq, April 30 — United States soldiers opened fire on Iraqis at an antiwar demonstration here, and according to local hospital officials killed 15 people and wounded about 75. An American officer said today that the troops opened fire after being "intentionally" shot at by some of the protesters, a claim disputed by residents.

Fox News: U.S. Troops Fire Back at Iraqi Protesters; Up to 13 Killed
FALLUJAH, Iraq — U.S. troops fired on Iraqi demonstrators outside a schoolhouse where American forces were being housed after some of the protesters shot at them with AK-47s, U.S. officers said Tuesday.

What should be noted as remarkable is the identical spelling of "FALLUJAH" in each story. And did you all notice the extremist right-wing bias from Fox? And hey, remember back when we were fighting "irregulars" and "militia?" I wonder whatever happened to those guys. Also I noticed that none of the stories refered to American soldiers as "butchers." I guess that's because they're unbiased.

FOLLOW-UPS

I had World Net Daily's three top line commentators yesterday do follow-up opinion pieces for me ; ) on some issues I've touched on lately. Note that these are opinions on news, not actual news (for those confused by CNN, Reuters, the AP, et al.). Also, they are the opinions of the individual authors.

Barbara Simpson on CNN's supression of news.

Vox Day on NOW's support for the murderer of Laci and Connor Peterson.

Joseph Farah on Lara Jakes Jordan, gay-rights proponent and wife of John Kerry's campaign manager who wrote the op-ed piece posing as news exposing Sen Rick Santorum as a human being with opinions.

Who is Lara Jakes Jordan?

In a symbolic move, the signatories to the letter returned key chains AP management gave them to "celebrate" its corporate diversity. The key chains carried the slogan: "AP Diversity: Many Views, One Vision.

Jakes? What kind of parents give their daughter a middle name like Jakes? Of course there's certainly nothing wrong with her expressing her opinion on diversity, gay rights, or what a U.S. Senator thinks. Still, a hatchet job is a hatchet job, and opinions should be on the editorial page (or in Blogs), not the front page. We here at the Mudville Gazette are all about watch-dogging the press.

Of course, the mainstream press has left all this behind and moved right on along, yes? Especially interesting to me is what a non-story the CNN cover-up turned out to be.

QUAGMIRE PREVENTION

Hey, Kim Jung-Il, you may enjoy this Washington Post story on how the US Air Force "shaped the battle space" in Iraq. Here's an excerpt:

"We were surprised when they [the U.S. pilots] discovered this place," said Khalidi, 28, a Republican Guard captain from a military family. It was late at night, a strong sandstorm was blowing, the vehicles were hidden under the trees, and the soldiers thought they were safe, he said. But two enormous bombs and a load of cluster bombs hit their targets on a tract of agricultural land in the Sabaa Abkar ("Seven Virgins") area of northern Baghdad, killing six members of Khalidi's unit and destroying much of their equipment.

"This affected the morale of the soldiers, because they were hiding and thought nobody could find them," he said. "Some soldiers left their positions and ran away. When the big bombs hit their target, some of the vehicles just melted.

See that? We affected their morale. That's the secret. Affect their morale.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

If today is your birthday, you share that with Saddam Hussein. That sucks, dude. But here at the Mudville Gazette we say Happy Birthday to you! Hope you get lot's of cool stuff. Unless you are Saddam. In that case, eat a big S$^t cake and die.

Eerie Silence in Hollywood as Anti-War Stars Vanish

It's not a fake news story, it's the real headline! And it's here.

Janeane Garofolo feels she really made out on the whole war thing:
Garofalo, working hard on her upcoming ABC sitcom, did not respond to interview requests for this story. But she told the Washington Post last week that her anti-war stance had been a "positive" experience that had helped her career. "Before this I was a moderately well-known character actress," she told the paper. "Now, I'm almost famous."

Good for her! It's good to see people profit from death.

And Little Mikey Farrel says:
"...the backlash came from a small number of Americans galvanized by the Bush administration and conservative radio talk show hosts.

"But the Dixie Chicks are back on the air and their record is number one again," he said. "Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are not going to stop making movies for a long time. Janeane Garofalo has a (TV) pilot going forward. These ugly-mouthed people like to think they are more powerful than they are."

Haters, that's what they are, just haters!

Keep smilin, Mike!

A NEW POLL

Okay readers are constantly writing in to ask "Greyhawk, when will you start doing polls again?" I don't know. It depends on the results of this one. Please take a minute and participate.

Thank you for participating!

A NEW ADDITION

Lot's of people asked for it, many demanded it, but I did it anyway! Alert readers will note a new addition to the writing staff, as Ooglay Hussein has agreed to begin directly posting his diary entries right here on the Mudville Gazette. Those who've never encountered Ooglay before will find his original page linked to the left. Please make Ooglay feel right at home...

THE OOGLAY HAS LANDED

Hello America here is Ooglay writing from a new place, in America! How you like running Iraq? Not so fun, huh? You ready for keys to shredder yet? Haha! Hey, no weapons of massive destruction? Maybe you look in Iran now, okay? Drop some Tommy Hawk missiles on them til they tell you where we hid them. Guess this: I was in Hollywood, but don't be dropping your Tommy Hawk missiles there georgeboosh! I am somewhere else writing now. All your Hollywoods people tell me how georgeboosh wishes he could invade them but they are too powerful because of their fans.

Also I will tell you my Glorious father, for whom I would cut off my fingers and type with my...nose, is in France with my brothers! They are enjoying romantic April in Paris. I am not just saying that so you will be bombing them either just because they didn't send Foreigner Legion to help Iraq as promised. It is not black or white, it is grey area. So you don't need to bomb them or Hollywood. Bomb Iran though.

Okay so here is how Ooglay came to America: on private Hollywood jetplane! It was very nice. Better then my fathers, which was not flown because of evil no flying zones for since first war. They are wanting to do true movie story of Other Mother of all Battles (now just Other Mother for short. This is what producer calls "working title") and say "Oog baby (they call me Oog baby, it is not disrespectful in Hollywood and I am dishonored for harming a man who said it) only you can do this helping for us. Also, please bring artifacts from museum so we keep them safe from looting soldiers. Also some stuff is going to be on the same plane from Afghanistan, okay Oogman? Don't worry, private plane is no metal detector." Which is good since I am not travelling with all that and no "heat", you know? See I learn American slang!

So okay they promise to have someone at gate to meet me. So I have Uday's favorite gun in pants and cash in briefcase and trunk of junk from museum and some large funny smelling duffle bag from Afghanistan and hey! No one at gate and now is customs! So grey hair lady in line in front of me is being taken behind screen and next is me. So the man is saying "Do you have anything to declare?" and I am about to say "yes I hate georgeboosh" and reach into my pants but right then lady behind screen is yelling things that would get an Iraqi third wife beaten with a stick no thicker then my thumb, so man just stamps my papers and says "go ahead sir, you're good to go!" and he runs behind screen to help restrain old lady cause now it is sounding like somebody's getting a good slappings.

So Ooglay is everything loaded on cart and moving along towards door and there is another guard and I am worried but he just holds door open for me and says "Welcome to America, sir, enjoy your stay!" And I stroll right into your country!

I write more later, infidel swine.

MINETA LAUNCHES SNEAK ATTACK ON AMERICAN AIRLINES

Not kidding, not funny: American Airlines, struggling to survive a bankruptcy crisis, was attacked by President Bush's lone Democratic Cabinet member at around 4:55 PM Friday afternoon. The charge? According to Transportation Secretary Norm Mineta's department home page: (added emphasis mine)

DOT Office Charges American Airlines With Discrimination Against Passengers

The Aviation Enforcement Office of the U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) today filed a complaint against American Airlines alleging that the carrier discriminated against passengers who were or were perceived to be of Arab, Middle Eastern or Southeast Asian descent and/or Muslim. The office charged the carrier with violating federal law that prohibits discrimination due to a person’s race, color, national origin, religion, sex, or ancestry.

The allegations in the complaint concern ten individuals, mostly American citizens, who were either removed from or denied boarding on their scheduled American Airlines flights, even though they were properly ticketed and had successfully passed all security checks. In some cases the complainants were immediately rebooked on American or another airline and not subjected to any additional screening, even though they had been removed from their original American flight as an alleged security risk.

The majority of the incidents that form the basis of the complaint occurred between Sept. 11, 2001, and Dec. 31, 2001. The Aviation Enforcement Office began its investigation of American after receiving complaints directly from air travelers and reviewing American’s own incident reports documenting individuals removed from flights or who were not allowed to board their scheduled flights.

Following the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, DOT issued guidance to U.S. airlines reminding them that it is illegal to target or otherwise discriminate against passengers based on their race, color, national or ethnic origin, or religion. The first such notice was issued on Sept. 21, 2001. Most of the incidents covered in the complaint filed today occurred after that date.

The Aviation Enforcement Office filed its complaint after settlement negotiations to resolve the matter proved unsuccessful. Under the complaint, American could be held liable for civil penalties of $65,000 for violations described in the complaint, plus additional penalties for other violations that may be discovered during the proceeding. The Aviation Enforcement Office is also seeking a judgment ordering American to cease and desist from engaging in discriminatory conduct in the future. The case will be heard by a DOT administrative law judge in a trial-type hearing proceeding.

Details of the complaint are available via the Internet at http://dms.dot.gov, docket OST-2003-15046.

###

Readers will note that American is struggling with bankruptcy at this time. Interesting that this claim should be brought forward now, isn't it?

Perhaps. But Mr Mineta certainly warned the president when he was appointed:

Mineta, 69, reaffirmed his allegiance to his party, declaring at the news conference: "I am a Democrat with both a small 'd' and a large one."

"This man is perfectly suited for the job," Bush said at a news conference on the nominations. "It's also important to send a signal that this is an administration that recognizes talent when it sees it, regardless of political party."

Guess I don't agree with the President on everything after all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

William Shakespeare was born this week (April 23) in 1564. If he were alive today (and I've never seen proof he is dead) he would be 439. I'll bet he would be grumpy. Especially about how things have changed. I dedicate this verse to Shakespeare on the anniversary of his birth:

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Bill Shakespeare, happy birthday to you!

I know, not exactly Shakespeare. I have noticed, however, that he and I use many of the same words! It's true! But the best thing about Shakespeare is he's public domain! And he wrote one of the world's first war blogs in Henry V. As a bonus, it's a speech the English King Henry gives his men before they go put a whupass on a bunch of Frenchmen. So by way of real tribute to the Bard:

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

FRIDAY EVENING QUICKIES

Howard Dean is yet another member of the Democrat Presidential Candidate Card Deck. Drudge reports that Dean got the great honor to be interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on CNN: Asked if the Iraqi people are better off now than they were under Saddam, Dean said, "We don't know that yet. We don't know that yet, Wolf." Do you think America would be better off under you, Howie?

Wolfie also takes Army Lt General David McKiernan to task over the looted museum issue. Seems The Wolf Man can't figure why our boys couldn't shoot a couple of those damned looters. Reporters love it when criminals get shot, you know. By the way, there were no apologies from McKiernan about the looting that took place in Baghdad, including at the museums. Could the U.S. military have prevented the looting? Here's how he put it: "I will tell you that our priority was to fight the enemy and to protect the Iraqi people."

Meanwhile it looks like the Democrats are still not geting the message out. Try harder kids! Try harder!

Here's an easy message to get: Advice from this guy equals lower popularity!

Oh my gosh, don't panic! Surely this won't last!

Choose your favorite one-liner for this one:
a. Dixie Chicks fans fired!
b. How wrong is this?
c. Yea but where were their guns?
d. Kerry, other Santorum attackers say it's their right!

Madonna's latest is in the Bargain Bin. Nude mag cover to follow?

Turkish super spies nailed in Kirkuk! Love those NATO allies!

Is this for real? I mean, consider the implications, and note the clueless liberal status of the author. As I read it I kept hoping for the lightbulb to come on, but no luck...

And finally this: "U.S. Officials Grilling Tariq Aziz" for pleasure or for food?

More Later!

OPEN BLOG FRIDAY

And every other day. Hey! People! I see you in the comments section all over the place, and I know you can do this. Always wanted to be a blogger but didn't have the time? Now's your chance to post in the Mudville Gazette. Just submit an original entry via e-mail and you'll probably see it right here! Satire, parody, or serious commentary, I offer you the place to be "heard". Yes - you too can be a reporter for the Mudville Gazette! (P.S. ask about our pension plan!)

DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE ANNOUNCES DEVELOPMENT OF DOOMSDAY WEAPON

The Defense Department has announced development of a new weapon that can be used on the battlefield as well as on the domestic front to protect mankind from harm by dangerous advisaries. The new weapon, which is a modification of the long used and highly successful heat seeking anti aircraft missle, is known as the "Sidewinder Stupidity Seeking Missle", or the SSSM for short.

The SSSM was field tested in Iraq against the Elite Republican Guard and proved to be highly successful. The missle can be fired in the general direction of a target without precise aiming; the guidance system locates the stupidest person in the vicinity, enters this person from the rear, and then detonates.

Announcement of the SSSM has triggered outrage from Democratic Party leaders. Tom Daschle noted that "..domestic use of this new weapon could result in unintended deaths of hundreds or even thousands of people, primarily those registered in our party…" Nancy Pelosi has demanded immediate development of anti-SSSM missles for immediate deployment to the San Francisco area. All Democratic Presidential candidates have signed a statement stating that this doomsday weapon "..is another attempt by the Bush administration to stifle dissent and intimidate our candidates, thereby effectively canceling the 2004 election".

Not surprisingly the greatest outcry has come from the mainstream media. The Presidents of ABC,CBS,NBC,CNN,MSNBC, The New York Times, and the Washington Post issued a joint proclamation that "..this weapon will stifle free speech and prevent us from performing our usual in depth analysis of the news.." Curiously, the proclamation was not signed by other networks or newspapers.

The SSSM will be field tested in the US next week. The Defense Department has suggested that Americans protect themselves by not standing too close to known liberals during the next seven days.

Contributed to the Mudville Gazette by RHSJester

DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE "CANDIDATE-IDENTIFICATION PLAYING CARDS"

San Francisco (IP News)
As the number of official Democratic Party candidates for President soars to 52, the Party today announced it would release a limited edition set of "Candidate Recognition Playing Cards." The deck will be modeled after the Iraqi Freedom cards used by the U.S. military to identify fugitive despots from the regime of deposed dictator Saddam Hussein. Each card will bear the likeness of one of The Party's current presidential hopefuls.

"We'd rather avoid comparisons though" said an un-named party spokesperson. Insider comments indicate there may have been considerable bickering over who would be represented on which card, with much emphasis on who would be the "King of Hearts," a position some would suggest would go to the Party's chosen successor to Bill Clinton. Speculation runs rampant, and Vegas oddsmakers suggest Senator John Edwards is current odds-on favorite for the honor, especially if he is "attacked by 'Taliban John' Ashcroft's justice department." The official spokesperson, however, did not comment on the rumors. Questions regarding the identity of The King of Spades were also refused.

Expect initial quantities of the cards to be in short supply, as casinos and brothels nationwide have pre-ordered the entire first three print runs.

FRANCE TO U.S.: GIVE U.S. MILLIONS FOUND IN IRAQ TO U.N.

Paris (IP News)

French Minister Dominique de Villepin today suggested that the U.S. could "legitimize it's involvement in Iraq" by handing over hundreds of milllions of U.S. dollars recently found there to the United Nations.

"Zis would serve several purposes," said de Villepin in an outrageous fake accent "it would help finance ze rebuilding of ze country by ze United Nations. It could be held as colateral to insure ze Iraqi debt to foreign powers is paid off as obligated. It may help improve ze standing of ze U.S. in ze eyes of ze world, and it would return the money to it's rightful owners, ze entire world!"

De Villepin's patently ridiculous comments were met with stunned silence by Senior Bush Officials. Democratic Presidential hopefuls, however, were quick to echo the sentiments. The 50 current candidates announced in a joint statement issued moments after the French request that "Mr de Villepin's gracious and magnanimous offer should be considered and acted upon immediately by this administration."

Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, reached for comment while roofing a house for Habitat for Humanity, announced "The world needs that money! It's the right thing to do. I'm sure Mr. Bush won't do it, but it's what I would have done. I suppose that's the difference between Nobel Prize winners and the rest of humanity."

NORTH KOREA DEMANDS U.S. KICK IT'S ASS

Beijing (IP News)
In an interesting development today, North Korea demanded that the United States "just go ahead and kick our asses!." The demand came after a day of talks with the belligerent "communist superpower" broke down over the lack of fresh dog meat served at the lunch counter.

"Really now, you pansies, we mean it." Stated a North Korean spokescommunist "Whatcha waitin' for, candypants? C'mon, big shot! Tough guy! Knock me down, I dare ya! Yea, just what I thought, you're a big wussie! All you Democrats and Republicans put together cant touch our stuff! We got nukes too, you retards! Hey, African Americans: Yo momma! Yo mamma loved it! Hey white dog stupid round eye monkey people, who's the boss now? North Korea, that's who! You think you're so tough? Your not squat! You're going down, sissies! C'mon, I dare ya! I dare ya to blow up our nuke plant! I dare you to cross this line! No Republican Guard surrender here, you capitalist pig war mongers. We got top-notch Russian and French stuff to whip your butts! So yea, bring it on!"

Senior Bush officials declined to comment. "Probably afraid to!" Added the North Korean.

MILITARY REPLACES IRAQI FREEDOM PLAYING CARDS WITH POKEMON-TYPE DECK

Doha, Qatar (IP News)
CENTCOM officials today announced they are re-tooling the now famous "Operation Iraqi Freedom Playing Cards" with a Pokemon-inspired deck.

"We've done a little research, and that revealed we were a little behind the times with our methods." Said a spokesman. "Today's soldier and the American public have moved beyond traditional playing cards. That's why we're proud to announce we've developed, in conjunction with Wizards of the Coast, this new Yu-gi-oh like set. This set, in addition to being more relevant, will allow us a much more robust list of "targets." For instance, in addition to wanted criminals, numerous items such as the priceless missing relics of Ur can now be depicted on cards."

Little Billy Jefferson, student at Hillary Clinton Middle School in upstate New York, stated "These are way cool. My "Ancient Crown of Sumer" card adds three hitpoints to the "Breath of Lies" card I just played on my "Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash" card. That stack just kicked Jimmy's ass."

Billy went on to explain how additional cards in much-sought-after expansion packs can be used to "evolve the basic characters into full demons of the ninth circle."
"But the most wanted card now, something every collector dreams of, is beyond a doubt the ultra-rare gold foil Saddam."

No word yet from CENTCOM or Wizards of the Coast on a rumored "Al Queda expansion pack"

DIXIE CHICKS REFUSE TO GO AWAY

Matt Drudge, in one of his most humorous reports ever, updates us on the Dixie Chicks, who are soon to appear on ABC Prime Time Thursday. Loyal fans will recall the Chickies first hit the bigtime by insulting the President of the United States while on foriegn soil during time of war. They then refused to apologize, then "apologized", then stated they were only joking. (Or was that Peter Arnett? I can't tell traitors apart anymore...) Whatever, now they are saying they were "disrespectful." They further claim that they fear for their own safety, even though most Americans would have been content to ignore them forever now if they would just shut up and go away.

This quote from the little pudgy one in the middle sums it all up:

MAINES: …I ask questions. That's smart. That's intelligent. To find out facts not to just, 'Okay, we're going over here now.' I say, 'Why are we going over there?' And I don't mean to Iraq, I mean across the room. Since I was tiny, you've had to tell me why I have to do something…

Natalie, you have to shut up and go away now. America just doesn't like you. That's an opinion about you based on your words and actions. You are not smart. Is that enough explanation?

DASCHLE VOWS TO OPPOSE BUSH ON GREENSPAN

Washington (IP NEWS) Tom Daschle, (D-S.D.) deranged Senate Minority Leader and one of a very few Democrats still not running for President, has vowed to oppose President Bush's yet to be made final decision regarding Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan.

"We are not waiting, we will not be reactionary this time." Mr Daschle stated. "We will be proactive on this occasion. Let the word go out now even before the decision is made, whatever that decision may be, we are against it."

Mr Greenspan, 77 years old and recovering from prostate surgery, has held his position for almost 16 years. Some speculation as to his future has been heard in the vicinity of the White House and Capitol Hill. The President has stated his intention to offer Mr Greenspan a fifth term as chairman. Mr Greenspan has indicated he would accept.

"If that's the case, and we certainly feel it's premature to assume so at this time, then we would condemn the action as bribery of the worst sort." Stated Mr. Daschle. "Buying Mr Greenspan's favors with job offers would be looked upon with suspicion at best." When asked then what if the President declined to offer Mr Greenspan an additional four-year term, Mr Daschle added "We would find that behavior reprehensible. Age discrimination is bigotry of the worst order, and firing an individual who may be eligible for the Americans with Disabilities Act is beyond comprehension and completely unforgivable."

Mr Daschle's statements were applauded by House Minority Leader Nancy Pigliosi (D-CA.)and immediately echoed by most of the 46 current Democratic candidates for President. "When Mr Daschle says 'we', he doesn't mean himself and a mouse in his pocket." Said John Kerry, (C-MA.) a presidential hopeful and liar of Clintonian proportions.

SLEAZEBALLS ON THE WARPATH

How low can the left go? How far down the path away from any semblance of humanity? Two recent stories indicate no definitive answer to these questions. From all current indications there may be no limit, no action beyond the pale for these people. It would be easy to dismiss these actions as impulsive reactions driven by a sense of impotent rage over the absolute failure of the anti-everything movement. It would be convenient to excuse this behavior as desperate attempts to gain some justification for a failed ideology, a feeble denial of the pointlessness of existence for someone whose fundamental character flaws have never before been so completely and obviously exposed. But I suspect these recent actions are merely another example of the mindless ignorance that guides the left today. Mindless and ignorant, but none the less dangerous because there's always someone out there willing to be taken in, or simply gullible enough to be seduced by "the big lie."

ITEM 1: I never thought I'd live in a country where this could be an item for legitimate debate.I find myself sickened and repulsed by the actions of Morris County NOW President Mavra Stark. Maybe by the time you read this she(?) will have backtracked away from her statements regarding the murder of Laci Peterson and her unborn child. The idea that this child was not "murdered" is repulsive to any civilized human. The idea that the right to late term abortion on demand must be preserved at all costs is beyond comprehension to anyone but the type of sub-human gutter dwelling slimeball that would say:

"He was wanted and expected, and (Laci Peterson) had a name for him, but if he wasn't born, he wasn't born. It sets a kind of precedent," Stark said, adding that the issue was "just something I've been ruminating on.

And this in a pre-emptive strike. Just something she was ruminating on. Welcome to Marva's Amerika. In Marva's Amerika things like this next item would be accepted as gospel without challenge or comment (ruminating would not be permitted!):

ITEM 2: Most of you will be familiar with the instant controversy surrounding formerly unknown Senator Rick Santorum (R, Pa). Santorum's comments regarding what behaviors in what bedrooms should be protected by the Government of the United States have ignited a firestorm of protest by "gay rights activists." At the forefront of the attacks is former war hero, now anti-American slimeball and Democratic Presidential front runner John Kerry. Kerry, a multi-millionaire by marriage in spite of a ghoul-like appearance, was out of the blocks with incredible speed to rally to the support of America's downtrodden queer community. Of course, he had a lttle help, according to Fox:

Some Republican sources are quietly raising questions about the reporter who first quoted Santorum and who is continuing to report on the conflict it created. Her name is Lara Jakes Jordan. She is married to Jim Jordan, a former DSCC official who now manages Kerry's campaign.

So there you have it. An incredible example of a set-up and ambush, designed to do nothing other then paint Kerry as a hero of the oppressed. Kerry stands for nothing. A fabricated cause to rally around? Nice try, Senator. But before any reasonable discussion can be had regarding this issue the original claims of a biased reporter must be tossed. Of course, this leaves you with nothing. Try and find a worthwhile and real cause, Johnny. Preferably one you didn't fabricate yourself.

How about the murder of a baby. You got a minute for that one, Johnny?

DESPERATELY SEEKING RELEVANCE

OR: Worse then just denial: It's "You did it too!"

I ran an internet search for "lying sleazebag morons" and of course the first page on the list (After "Buy Lying Sleazebag Morons from Amazon") was the Democratic National Comittee homepage. My first instinct was to back out quickly and wipe any residual slime from the monitor, then I remembered the inside of the screen couldn't be reached without a lot of work and that equals down time. So I figured since the damage was done why not look around in sleazeville a bit and report back to the right thinkers? I mean, I'm saving you serious damage to the inside of your monitors here people. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my fellow freedom lovers. But oh what I found...

In the on-line rant: GOP Hypocrisy: Republicans Fail their own Standards of Patriotism the party of the left tries desperately and sometimes hilariously to establish themselves as more patriotic then the Republicans. That this appears on the DNC homepage leads me to wonder exactly who is the target audience? Then comes the frightening thought; there are people out there who will believe this stuff hook line and sinker. Obviously the die-hard "I don't even think about it, I'm just a Democrat!" crowd will drool enough over this stuff to cause permanent keyboard damage. But can they really convert the masses? Are there people whose opinions can be swayed by this stuff?

I hope not. I will give the American public more credit then the DNC will. I will let you make up your own minds. Read the following two lines, and think how you might characterize the statements:

"Those comments may not undermine the President as he leads us into war, and they may not give comfort to our adversaries, but they come mighty close." --Dennis Hastert, 3/18/02

"This destructive rhetoric does nothing more than demoralize our troops and second-guess our commander in chief."
Tom Delay, 3/20/03

The Dems call these quotes "attacks," as in "With countless attacks like these on Democratic leaders, Republicans set a very high standard for patriotism..."

Attacks? If those were attacks, then what would you call Sep 11? We need a much stronger word! In fact, much ado has been made of non-existant "attacks" by Republicans and their "right wing media cronies" on the leaders of the Democrativc Party. It's not happening people. No suporting evidence of any substantial "attacks" has yet been offered.

Still no one of any intelligence whatsoever would be surprised to find the Dems crying over their victimhood. But could the DNC be doing what they think is a pre-emptive strike? Insisting they've been attacked? Who says they can't strategerize with the best of 'em? The first DNC cruise missiles are launching from the DNC home page in the form of quotes by Republican leaders from the Kosovo campaign. However, these missiles are duds. An opinion from House Leader Tom DeLay best describes the main points in Republican questioning of the Kosovo war effort:

"I cannot support a failed foreign policy... But before we get deeper embroiled into this Balkan quagmire, I think that an assessment has to be made of the Kosovo policy so far. President Clinton has never explained to the American people why he was involving the U.S. military in a civil war in a sovereign nation, other than to say it is for humanitarian reasons, a new military/foreign policy precedent." [Congressional Record, "Removal of United States Armed Forces from the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia," 4/28/99]

And there is the fundamental difference between the two events. Iraq was a response to Clear and Present Danger to the United States; Kosovo was arguably "humanitarian," but it was above all else a mission primarily undertaken to build a legacy for President Clinton. A feeb could see the difference. There is nothing aproaching "moral equivalance" here. Especially comparing the tone of Mr DeLays remarks to Sen Tom Daschle's now infamous "I am saddened, saddened that this president failed so miserably at diplomacy that we're now forced to war"

Or how about this 180 (that I've noted here previously):
"The last thing we need to do is to make partisan this war effort. These are not Democrats or Republicans that are fighting there on our behalf and trying to end this genocide. These are American, young men and women. And we ought to be on their side. And we ought not to be sending a message and pulling the rug out from underneath them by voting against what they're doing."
Dave Bonior, (D) Mi., 1999.

What great life changing event occured between then and now to lead Mr Bonior to visit Iraq?
If it turns out Iraq maintains a weapons of mass destruction program, would a U.S.-led preemptive assault be justified then? Mr. Bonior, again: "No. I wouldn't support military action in this endeavor at all."

There are numerous such well documented 180s from Kosovo to Iraq, on both sides of the aisle. I don't have a problem with questioning the need for Americans to die in Europe, especially for an administration with a track record for cutting and running at the first sign of blood (Somolia) thus rendering near-pointless that ultimate sacrifice. The "shocked and saddened" comment went well beyond that. Likewise "I won't support military action at all" None of those Republican comments from '99 approach aidding and abetting the enemy ala a few Dem leaders this past season. "Politicking" Iraq was at least inexcusable and unforgivable, and likely treasonous as well.

And OBTW, while I thought this was a dead-horse issue, it's front and center on the DNC web page today.

So on a final note, most military people are tired of hearing about how well loved they are by the Democrats. Few are so short-sighted to have forgotten the attempted disenfranchisement of Florida's military voters during the Democrat's attack on the Constitution after the 2000 elections. Military members took an oath to uphold and defend that document and the ideals contained within, take that oath quite seriously, and wish everyone who takes that oath would also.

May His blessings of a peaceful season be with you and yours now and always.

--Greyhawk

MODERN MEDIA MARCHES OFF TO WAR (PART III)

Cox and Forkum are now on my blogrole. And they feature a blog called "Report No Evil" that expounds on the ever expanding CNN-Iraq fiasco. It looks like something I thought was true is true. Eason Jordan's tear jerking little"tell-all" piece in the NY Times was a pre-emptive strike. CNN's bad behavior regarding Saddam was known by others and denied by Eason Jordan some time ago. Of course, CNN is at long last free to explain their motives were completely altruistic. But the bottom line is simply that it looks more and more like CNN has been little more then Saddam Hussein's personal news service for some time now. But apparently they are done being the mouthpiece for any Government and taking a noble stand for journalistic integrity by refusing to have their programming broadcast into Iraq.

According to Mike Allen of the Washington Post:

The Bush administration took over Iraqi state television yesterday, replacing tributes to Saddam Hussein with conciliatory greetings from President Bush, the Pentagon and British Prime Minister Tony Blair...

CNN declined to have its newscasts included. "As an independent, global news organization, we did not think it was appropriate to participate in a U.S. government transmission," spokeswoman Christa Robinson said...

Well, it's certainly good to see CNN finally come to their senses!

Two things strike me about this situation.

The first: If I had a dollar for every time over the past couple months I've heard CNN refered to as "a US/right-wing biased source of news" by some clueless lefty in the blogosphere I could retire and Blog full time, and the world would rejoice. Seriously though, CNN can't win, no matter how un-American they try to be, they get this inexplicably bizarre response from the left that insists they (and all American media) are mindless pro-Bush pro-war brainwashers of the moronic American public. The irony of this situation kills me. However, the lefty grapevine must be buzzing "Hey we look stupid bashing CNN as 'right-wing' because anyone with eyes and a peanut brain knows otherwise" because I'm starting to see the reference shift to Fox. Whatever. CNN may be doomed to irrelevance as nothing but a useful "generic" term for American news, which is, I suspect, how those uninformed lefties were using them anyway. Uninformed insofar as we're talking about people who a) can not, or b) would not watch CNN in a million years and c) would not admit it if they had. Bottom line: CNN bashing is officially cool on both sides of the aisle. And the aiding and abetting Iraq thing just isn't helping. Only the hard-core lefties ever really loved Saddam, and like the Nazis post WWII they can't even admit it now, so CNN may be on their own.

The second point: Bloggers are lighting up the web with this one. Cox and Forkum compiled multiple links from several other Blogger sites and added commentary. I am commenting further as it fits my running theme here lately. I'm saved a lot of effort by referencing back to their Blogs. Thus much of my work is done for me. Others are commenting. Blogs are re-posted. Word gets around. And this whole Blogging thing is in it's infancy. So think about this: whereas the media (talk radio excepted) in taking care of it's own will not excoriate CNN to the degree they deserve, the blogosphere will. Does this matter? Not as much now as it will in the future as this medium grows. (How much did Talk Radio matter a few years ago?) Which of course returns nicely to my fundamental theory: "The liberal view in the liberal vs. conservative debate can not survive the immediate 'printed' media that is today's web."

The first Gulf War brought CNN to unprecedented prominence. The second may help hasten their decline. (Quagmire, anyone?)

For your further enjoyment:

The New Republic Online, 16 Oct 02:
"...And nobody has schmoozed the ministry harder than the head of CNN's News Group, Eason Jordan,...

NPR "On the Media," 25 Oct 02
EASON JORDAN: "The writer clearly doesn't have a clear understanding of the realities on the ground because CNN has demonstrated again and again that it has a spine"

NY Times, 11 Apr 03 " The News We Kept To Ourselves" Eason Jordan: "Over the last dozen years I made 13 trips to Baghdad to lobby the government to keep CNN's Baghdad bureau open and to arrange interviews with Iraqi leaders. Each time I visited, I became more distressed by what I saw and heard -- awful things that could not be reported because doing so would have jeopardized the lives of Iraqis, particularly those on our Baghdad staff."
(NOTE: The TURGLERS at the NY Times will want you to register and give them 3 bucks to read this piece of crap article. Your call.)

"Corruption at CNN" - The Washington Times, 15 Apr 03 (A must-read, and hey, it's free!)
"I took part in meetings between the CNN executives and various officials...
"In each of these meetings, Mr. Johnson and Mr. Jordan made their pitch: Saddam Hussein would have an hour's time on CNN's worldwide network; there would be no interruptions, no commercials. I was astonished. From both the tone and the content of these conversations, it seemed to me that CNN was virtually groveling for the interview."

And once again, from the Washington Post, 11 Apr 03
CNN declined to have its newscasts included. "As an independent, global news organization, we did not think it was appropriate to participate in a U.S. government transmission," spokeswoman Christa Robinson said...

We briefly pause

We briefly pause from our regularly scheduled Blogging for the following special announcements:

President George W. Bush, State of the Union (Jan 29, 2002)

Thank you very much. Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our Union has never been stronger...

...Our war on terror is well begun, but it is only begun. This campaign may not be finished on our watch, yet it must be and it will be waged on our watch.

... The last time I spoke here, I expressed the hope that life would return to normal. In some ways, it has. In others, it never will. Those of us who have lived through these challenging times have been changed by them. We've come to know truths that we will never question: Evil is real, and it must be opposed.

Beyond all differences of race or creed, we are one country, mourning together and facing danger together. Deep in the American character, there is honor, and it is stronger than cynicism. Many have discovered again that even in tragedy, especially in tragedy, God is near.

In a single instant, we realized that this will be a decisive decade in the history of liberty -- that we have been called to a unique role in human events. Rarely has the world faced a choice more clear or consequential.

Our enemies send other people's children on missions of suicide and murder. They embrace tyranny and death as a cause and a creed. We stand for a different choice -- made long ago, on the day of our founding. We affirm it again today. We choose freedom and the dignity of every life.

Steadfast in our purpose, we now press on. We have known freedom's price. We have shown freedom's power. And in this great conflict, my fellow Americans, we will see freedom's victory.

Thank you, thank you all, and may God bless.

More...

President George W. Bush, Address to Congress and the American People (Sep 20, 2001)

Mr. Speaker, Mr. President Pro Tempore, members of Congress, and fellow Americans:

...Tonight we are a country awakened to danger and called to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to anger, and anger to resolution. Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done...

...On September the 11th, enemies of freedom committed an act of war against our country. Americans have known wars -- but for the past 136 years, they have been wars on foreign soil, except for one Sunday in 1941. Americans have known the casualties of war -- but not at the center of a great city on a peaceful morning. Americans have known surprise attacks -- but never before on thousands of civilians. All of this was brought upon us in a single day -- and night fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack...

...Our war on terror begins with al Qaeda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated.

Americans are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right here in this chamber -- a democratically elected government. Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms -- our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other...

...We are not deceived by their pretenses to piety. We have seen their kind before. They are the heirs of all the murderous ideologies of the 20th century. By sacrificing human life to serve their radical visions -- by abandoning every value except the will to power -- they follow in the path of fascism, and Nazism, and totalitarianism. And they will follow that path all the way, to where it ends: in history's unmarked grave of discarded lies...

...Our response involves far more than instant retaliation and isolated strikes. Americans should not expect one battle, but a lengthy campaign, unlike any other we have ever seen. It may include dramatic strikes, visible on TV, and covert operations, secret even in success. We will starve terrorists of funding, turn them one against another, drive them from place to place, until there is no refuge or no rest. And we will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime...

...It is my hope that in the months and years ahead, life will return almost to normal. We'll go back to our lives and routines, and that is good. Even grief recedes with time and grace. But our resolve must not pass. Each of us will remember what happened that day, and to whom it happened. We'll remember the moment the news came -- where we were and what we were doing. Some will remember an image of a fire, or a story of rescue. Some will carry memories of a face and a voice gone forever.

And I will carry this: It is the police shield of a man named George Howard, who died at the World Trade Center trying to save others. It was given to me by his mom, Arlene, as a proud memorial to her son. This is my reminder of lives that ended, and a task that does not end.

I will not forget this wound to our country or those who inflicted it. I will not yield; I will not rest; I will not relent in waging this struggle for freedom and security for the American people.

The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them.

Fellow citizens, we'll meet violence with patient justice -- assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may God grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the United States of America.

Thank you.

More...

President John F. Kennedy's Inaugural Address (1961)

Vice President Johnson, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, President Truman, Reverend Clergy, fellow citizens:

We observe today not a victory of party but a celebration of freedom--symbolizing an end as well as a beginning--signifying renewal as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forbears prescribed nearly a century and three-quarters ago.

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe--the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God.

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans--born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage--and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

This much we pledge--and more...

... In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility--I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it--and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.

More...

Joint Address to Congress Leading to a Declaration of War Against Japan (1941)

Mr. Vice President, and Mr. Speaker, and Members of the Senate and House of Representatives:

Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan....

...No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory...

...With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph- so help us God.

More...

The Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that "all men are created equal"

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who died here, that the nation might live. This we may, in all propriety do. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow, this ground-- The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here; while it can never forget what they did here.

It is rather for us, the living, to stand here, we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that, from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here, gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve these dead shall not have died in vain; that the nation, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people by the people for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

The Declaration of Independence

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

more...

On this date in 1775 the American Revolution began. It continues to this day.

Paul Revere's Ride

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light,--
One if by land, and two if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."

Then he said "Good-night!" and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The Somerset, British man-of-war;
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon like a prison bar,
And a huge black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.

Meanwhile, his friend through alley and street
Wanders and watches, with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers,
Marching down to their boats on the shore.

Then he climbed the tower of the Old North Church,
By the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the sombre rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade,--
By the trembling ladder, steep and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town
And the moonlight flowing over all.

Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead,
In their night encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That he could hear, like a sentinel's tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, "All is well!"
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay,--
A line of black that bends and floats
On the rising tide like a bridge of boats.

Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere.
Now he patted his horse's side,
Now he gazed at the landscape far and near,
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry tower of the Old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely and spectral and sombre and still.
And lo! as he looks, on the belfry's height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns.

A hurry of hoofs in a village street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath, from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed flying fearless and fleet;
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.
He has left the village and mounted the steep,
And beneath him, tranquil and broad and deep,
Is the Mystic, meeting the ocean tides;
And under the alders that skirt its edge,
Now soft on the sand, now loud on the ledge,
Is heard the tramp of his steed as he rides.

It was twelve by the village clock
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer's dog,
And felt the damp of the river fog,
That rises after the sun goes down.

It was one by the village clock,
When he galloped into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, black and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon.

It was two by the village clock,
When he came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning breeze
Blowing over the meadow brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket ball.

You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British Regulars fired and fled,---
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farmyard wall,
Chasing the redcoats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.

So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm,---
A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo for evermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beats of that steed,
And the midnight message of Paul Revere.

US CAPTURES BARZAN AND WATBAN

(Baghdad, IP News) Coalition forces announced today that Barzan Ibrahim Hasan, half-brother of former tyrant Saddam Hussein, has been captured. This development comes mere days after the capture of Hussein's half-brother Watban Ibrahim Hasan, and brings the total number of captured Hussein brothers to one.

According to coalition forces, there is still another half brother unaccounted for. Numerous media sources are suggesting that lack of success in capturing the entire 1.5 brothers of the deposed dictator could spell complete failure for the war effort. The search is complicated by uncertainty as to what half of a brother remains at large.

"If you think that's bad" said IP News Baghdad correspondent MSgt Frank Lee Whompass, "it's possible that Saddam's been blown into a million pieces. We may never find all that."

These developments also contradict previously published media reports that coalition forces had captured Tarzan and Batman.

MICHAEL JORDAN IS AN AMERICAN HERO

And that's all I got to say about that...

SAY IT AIN'T SO, MO!

Iraqi Information Minister and internet phenom Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf says he committed suicide, but we all know what a liar he is.

I couldn't believe it at first, but Mrs G pointed out that while we laughed at him most of the fabled 'Arab Street' was swallowing his stuff hook, line, and sinker. (A sizable chunk of the world press was too) This just might make them more then a little (ahem) angry at him. Knowing their (ahem) tendencies toward group-throwing of big rocks at people he may have taken what seemed to him to be the best option available. (Without ever knowing he was a true western media superstar.)

Whatever the case, Mo is/was certainly one of the most compelling stories to come out of this whole thing. Up until the tanks rolled through Baghdad he had anti-American reporters from America and around the world clinging to his every word, wanting desperately to believe his tales of utter annihilation of the enemy devils. Then after the Thunder Run he became much needed wartime comic relief, first on TV then as an internet phenomenon. Hollywood would have created him for the movie version if he hadn't shown up on his own.

All this is of course, leading nicely into Modern Media Marches to War part III, coming soon to a Mudville Gazette near you!

OOGLAY'S RUN

(2300 UTC 9 Apr) I will give quick updates when I can. It's crowded where I am now. There are the whole surviving family and lots of doubles. But we get good nights sleep. Hey! You don't worry, Ooglay is safe. I see me three times on TV today! I hold up sign and picture of Georgebush! Ha Ha! Picture is from toilet paper roll, stupid pigs. Now I am safe in...No! last time I say that I get a good Air Force Bombing! Ooglay not stupid twice! I will be to writing much more soon. Keep looking! And you who came across the border from the other nations to support us, keep fighting to the death! My glorious Father needs a little more time to cut a deal with Allah...

(0012 UTC 10 Apr) Okay Ooglay just finished diary updating and sending to be posting. Now someone new shows up in underpalace escape tunnel. Who is this Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf? He is saying he is "Information Minister" but we never see him before. I am thinking he is big liar. Okay I am sleeping, don't worry if you don't hear for a while, okay?

(1800 UTC 10 APR) Okay still in the tunnel getting ready to go "up north". How you passing time? You say. Well we have game called "Who is real Uday?" that we play sometimes. Very funny with lots of doubles like now. And that reminded me to post new thing down below just a little. Anyhow if Qusay double #6 can get Satcom working (he is good at such things, trained by French!) we will all be watching Friends soon. Also maybe then we find out about lies this al-Sahhaf character is to be telling. Pull statue down of glorious father? I'm not thinking so. Uday double #4 almost shot him for his perfidy, but we have no more room for corpses here. Time for dinner. I'm supposed to cook but hey! I'll make one of my doubles do it!

Why I'm Not in Charge

GREYHAWKS WARTIME PRESS CONFERENCE

CENTCOM NEWS RELEASE
HEADQUARTERS UNITED STATES CENTRAL COMMAND
April 15, 2003
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
TRANSCRIPT OF 4/15 CENTCOM BRIEFING

UNITED STATES CENTRAL COMMAND OPERATIONAL UPDATE BRIEFING
BRIEFER: GREYHAWK
LOCATION: IN MY DREAMS
TIME: 7:04 A.M. EDT
DATE: TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2003

GREYHAWK: Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. Yadda yadda yadda okay now your questions. Yes, Adi.

Q Adi Rival, ABC News. Regarding fugitive regime leaders, there are reports now that some of them may have left Iraq to go into Syria and other countries. Is there a rewards program set up for every single member of the top 55? And also, do you have DNA of most of these regime leaders in your -- at CENTCOM? Thank you.

GREYHAWK: 'Maybe' on the reward thing. Would that lead you to tell us where they are? And DNA? we might have some. Why, do you want to donate from your collection? Or do you want DNA as a reward for turning someone in?

Q James Forlong (sp) from Sky News. You've mentioned you've got Saddam Hussein's DNA. Do you also have Bashar Al-Assad's DNA?

GREYHAWK: You people's obsession with DNA is really creeping me out here, okay? Can any of you explain DNA? Or do you just use it in sentences? Are you collecting and trading this stuff? I mean really, do you want to clone somebody or what?
Yes, please.

Q Pam Sampson (sp), Associated Press. Can you please comment on reports that the Iraqi army's western An Bahr (ph) command surrendered today to U.S. forces?

GREYHAWK: We do have a rumor that the 12 guys who may have survived Air Force bombing runs might have given up.
Please.

Q General, Paul Adams, BBC. Do you have details of an incident reported in Mosul which may have involved fatalities and possibly involved American forces?

GREYHAWK: I think your referring to what we call the war. People are getting hurt and even killed.
Please.

Q (Inaudible) -- New York Times. Not to beat a dead horse, but to return for a second to the DNA question, you said you do have samples of DNA material from the Hussein family. Please tell us where, when, how and from whom they were obtained.

GREYHAWK: Listen freak, we're not giving you any DNA samples, okay? If you have some youd like to contribute we'd appreciate that. Otherwise forget about it.
Yes, ma'am, in the back.

Q (Inaudible) -- BBC. We have reports that you are searching sites -- this is fairly constantly raised -- for weapons of mass destruction. Will you be bringing in or inviting in any impartial body to help you with the search, possibly the U.N. weapons inspectors?

GREYHAWK: Yes, as soon as it can be reliably determined that Hell has frozen over.
Yes, sir, please.

Q Michael Weiskopf, Time Magazine. What is the price on Saddam's head?

GREYHAWK: Two Billion Iraqi Dinar.
Yes, please.

Q (Inaudible) -- ABC Television Australia. Can you confirm this report around that the commander of the Republican Guard Baghdad reached an agreement with American forces to surrender and get his men to quit and go home in exchange for transfer, via an Apache helicopter, to an undisclosed safe haven?

GREYHAWK: It's true, these people will do anything for a helicopter ride. In fact the reward for Saddam is now Two Billion Iraqi Dinar and a helicopter ride.
Yes, sir, please.

Q (Inaudible) -- Al Jazeera. Actually, I've just been back from southern Iraq up to Nasiriyah, and I've witnessed the humanitarian efforts. And they were going up -- I mean, finding our way slowly. And actually can you give us some sort of a breakdown as to how much human aid have you injected into that area? What was taken from Iraqi warehouses from the stocks of the oil-for-food? What did you provide yourselves? And on the medical sort of thing, do you have all the answers to all the cases that are there?

GREYHAWK: I said please and you forgot to say "thank you". So sit down and shut up.
Yes, please, Chas?

Q Chas Henry, WTOP Radio. Thank you Greyhawk. Can you give us a sense of the scope and scale of the coalition's effort to hunt for weapons of mass destruction? How many people are involved in this effort? Dozens? Hundreds? And how are they focusing their efforts?

GREYHAWK: Now, this is a good question. I believe we've got 250,000 armed inspectors combing Iraq freely right now, with no UN or Iraqi restrictions.
In the back, please? And then I'll come to you next.

Q Pat Doyle (ph) from the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Given the emphasis in the beginning of the campaign on eliminating weapons of mass destruction and getting rid of Saddam Hussein, if coalition forces are unable to capture or verify that Hussein is dead, either using DNA or some other process, and if they are unable to find unambiguous weapons of mass destruction, will the campaign have been less than a success?

GREYHAWK: Yes, dipshot. It will be declared a complete failure and we'll all go home in shame. By the way, thanks for making the trip from Viking country, moron. Hot enough for ya?
Yes, please, Paul. I'm sorry, I promised to go to her, and then I'll come right back to you. Please?

Q I'm Karen Sloan (ph) with AP Radio. I had two questions. One was getting back to the antiquities issue. Asking people to return things now is kind of like shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted. Why did the coalition, when it went to great lengths to protect oil facilities not go to any lengths at all apparently to protect some of the museums in Baghdad that had great antiquities?

My second question is we are hearing some reports of anti-American demonstrations in Nasiriyah in conjunction with the political meeting going on there. Do you have any comment on that?

GREYHAWK: We are here for a war. Someone should have told you before you came over to see the museum. I see where you are disappointed. Sorry our troops were busy dealing with people who were trying to kill them. It's criminal what happened. Why didn't the AP protect the museum? As to the demonstrations, as I am trying to explain to you, we just had a war and a lot of these people are a little ticked off at us for shooting at them, okay? We hope they'll get over it but we'll see.
Please, Paul?

Q Hi, it's Paul Hunter, from Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Yesterday you came close as Tikrit was falling. Do you today declare the major military operations in this war finished?

GREYHAWK: Okay, sure. The war is over. Anyone else gets killed by US troops from now on it's a crime and we'll investigate it as such, okay dipshot?
Yes, please.

Q General, Pete Smallowitz from Knight Ridder. With more than 50 Iraqi leaders who are captured or who surrendered, what happens next with them? Is there a trial? Is there a sentencing? And how long does that process take? How will it work?

GREYHAWK: This is war. Trial, sentencing, execution, two weeks tops. So don't try anything stupid.
Yes, ma'am, please?

Q (Off mike) -- of Reuters. Can I ask what the situation is along the Syrian border? I know in the past you've said you control at least one of the border crossings. Do you control the whole border? Is it possible for leaders to cross over there? Is there evidence that they are doing so or that weapons of mass destruction have been taken over there?

GREYHAWK: Yes. We've got men spaced every six feet along the entire length of all borders of Iraq. No one leaves til we find the Top Dogs, the WMD, and all that stuff from the museum. I suggest you people check your luggage very carefully to make sure no one "planted any antiquities" on you, okay?

Thanks very much, I'll be here all week...

JOHN LE CARRE GONE MAD!

Spy novelist David Cornwell, better known by his made-up name John le Carre, has gone mad.

Once one of Britain's leading writers, le Carre made a small fortune exploiting cold war tensions in such books as The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, The Honourable Schoolboy, and The Russia House. Now elderly and tragically feeble and delusional, he has accused President Bush via a statement in The London Sunday Herald of being driven to war by the thirst for oil and power.

"The reaction to 9/11 is beyond anything Osama could have hoped for in his nastiest dreams. says le Carre (French for "the Square") "As in McCarthy times, the domestic rights and freedoms that have made America the envy of the world are being systematically eroded."

"'Non-permanent' males of North Korean and Middle Eastern descent are disappearing into secret imprisonment on secret charges on the secret word of judges..."

In further evidence of his declining mental status, le Carre indicates conflicted opinions later in the editorial, stating "If the intelligence services know nothing, that will be the best-kept secret of all. Remember that these are the same organisations who brought us the biggest failure in intelligence history: 9/11." An apparent call for increased support for the spies who ensure the aforementioned envious American domestic rights and freedoms.

Although le Carre's current enfeebled status should not detract from his past accomplishments, his inexplicable comments have prompted a few readers to re-evaluate his books in an attempt to determine which side he was really on. His books, the paradigm of the spy-novel genre for a generation, spanned the cold war from the early sixties through the fall of the Berlin Wall and beyond. Desperate for a marketable theme, he actually entered his period of declining talent and limited relevance years ago, but this essay is the worst I can remember: worse than The Tailor of Panama, worse than The Night Manager, but in the long term potentially inconsequential as no one buys that crap any more anyway...

RUMSFELD ANNOUNCES REVERSAL OF OPERATION IRAQUI FREEDOM

The Pentagon (IP News RHSJESTER reporting)
Donald Rumsfeld stunned the world today with a declaration acknowledging that he has been wrong all along and while he admits there is no way he can compensate for his blunders he nevertheless is committed to a maximum effort to undo the damage caused by the US.

Rumsfeld`s announcement:

"Well I really blew it-Tom Dasgusting , Nancy Purileosi, and the Arab Suicide Murderers Benevolent Association were right all along. The Iraquis were not sufficiently grateful and our war efforts dragged on interminably due to insufficient numbers of troops. Also, in fairness to Saddam, from what we've seen he wasn`t such a bad guy after all-just as the media and the democrats said. So I apologize for the inconvenience to Saddam and to his regime, as well as to our good and loyal friends the French,Germans, and Russians.
To make amends, we've decided to put Iraq back to where it was 30 days ago. Our plan is basically like running a movie in reverse, Following are the steps we will take:

1 The Marines will rebuild Saddams palaces. The refrigerators will be restocked by taking back our humanitarian assistance food from the ungrateful Iraqui people
2 The Republican guard will be allowed to reform around Baghdad. If transportation is needed, the marines will provide it.
3 Sadaams statue will be rebuilt in 24 karat gold and remounted by the Iraquis who destroyed it. They will be required to be barefoot at all times.
4 The torture chambers will be restaffed by the original professional staffs. The Iraquis who were being tortured when the coalition barged in should return to their last torture chamber. If the chamber is not useable, they can attend one in an alternative location if they have a note from their jailer.
5 Coalition soldiers will be expected to leave Iraq in the same order as they arrived. Paratroopers who parachuted in will be lifted by crane back to their helicopters.
6 The children's center inhabitants must be transferred back from their homes to the children's chamber. We are negotiating with the Revolutionary Guard to allow them to bring their teddy bears with them.
7 Priority on the roads should be given to key returning Iraqui personnel in the following order- Sadaam, the clerics, Peter Arnett, Peter Jennings, and our own American rascal Iraqui cheerleader, Mr Jordan.

We truly hope that by taking these steps we will regain the admiration of the anti-war protesters, the Arab street, and most of all the appeasement wing of the Democratic Party."
For IP News, RHSJESTER reporting

TWO QUICKIES FOR THE PRO-JUSTICE CROWD:

This artical doesn't say how many Australian SAS Troops it takes to nail 60 top Baath Party Swine. Two? Three? (Thanks, Slatts!)

Speaking of capture: Hey! How about I wipe that smile off your face, sh1ts@ck?

SOME REPORTERS ADMIT TO BEING WRONG ABOUT THE WAR

Baghdad (IP News)
As the 4th ID (previously delayed from entering the fray in Iraq due to Turkey's urgent desire to self destruct) finally began to deploy into the desert, some reporters admitted they were wrong about the war.

"We were ridiculing Rummy all along for trying to fight the tough-as-nails Iraqi foe "on the cheap" with as little cost in dollars and life as possible." said a spokesmushroom for the press. "Well, we were way off on this. The truth is they way overspent this thing. One whole division that wasn't needed at all? Please! Fire the SecDef right now Mr Bush, fire him right now!"

PIGLIOSI AGREES
"I agree wholeheartedly with these reporters and very few other people on this planet" stated Nancy Pigliosi, a well known plastic surgery victim, "we could have probably brought down that statue for a lot less then $100 billion. But the most important question at this time, now that we're toward the end of it, is what is the cost to the war on terrorism?"

She and a majority of House Democrats last October voted against authorizing the president to use force to disarm Saddam's regime.

"It's the stupid economy..."

MAYBE I'M JUST AN IDIOT

Maybe I'm just an idiot but read my story about Marines searching the Baghdad press hotel posted posted last week, then read this from this week.

SEARCH AND DESTROY TEAMS IN BAGHDAD PRESS HOTEL
Baghdad (9 Apr 03 IP News)
Groups of US Marines and Soldiers roamed freely about Baghdad today. Several small bands were seen going from room to room in the Palestine Hotel, apparently searching for someone or something.
The troops were overheard saying "He's got to be here" and "This things just not over til we find him" and "when we get him I want him first"
When questioned if they thought Saddam Hussein might be in the hotel, they would not deny the possibility, but did state that he was not the object of the search.
"Arnett, you bastard, get out here" yelled one as they moved on down the hall...

MAYBE I'M JUST AN IDIOT

Maybe I'm just an idiot but I can't help but wonder if down there at Gitmo they have some of those monkey bars set up for the Al-Queda guys to play on? Cause I remember from the video they sure looked like they loved those monkey bars...

TIMMY ROBBINS: VICTIM OF FREE SPEECH RUN AMOK

Little Timmy Robbins, every bit as clueless in person as in the movie "Bull Durham" appeared on the Today Show this morning to explain the "vast right-wing anti-free speech big-corporation George Bush conspiracy" to keep him and his current life-partner Suzy Sarandon from appearing at the Baseball Hall of Fame or United Way fundraisers.

"It's not about me and Sue" He babbled, "It's about all the little people who in the climate of the country today are being ridiculed and suppressed by all this rampant free speech and thought and diversity of opinion and everybody is brainwashed except me. Unspecified children are being kicked out of school somewhere for wearing peace signs and something got cancelled somewhere because of a prayer for Iraqi citizens and everybody knows I support public prayer. It's true I heard it from a friend of a friend at a family reunion. We have to stop these people using their free speech to make other people afraid to speak freely. And some guy in the south called a radio station and said he's so angry he wants to kill a specific movie star whose name I'm not saying! And movie stars are this nations most precious resource! It's not the fault of the little people, they are just brainwashed by Bush and corporate America like for instance Clear Channel Communication!"

Today Host Matt Lauer, just back from the Middle East, may have drawn blood from his cheeks by biting down to keep from laughing. In a rare move, the show broke away briefly for more important issues then had Robbins reappear a bit later in an apparent attempt to determine if the man could make any coherent points at all. No such evidence was offered.

Yea...this whole free speech thing is getting way out of control...

IF YOU CANT GET THE SECDEF, MAYBE YOU CAN GET EDUCATION?

If Secretary of Education Rod Paige has the American Criminal Lawyers Union, Americans United Against Church and State, and a gaggle of other anti-American groups upset with him then he must be doing something right. Do you suppose he's trying to educate kids?

Anyhow, whatever he said, for p1$$1^g off all those hate groups and then sticking to his guns, the Honorable Mr Paige is Mudville's Hero of the Week

Here's the original interview that started all this. At the Mudville Gazette we say "make up your own minds, people!" The Mudville Gazette: We Report - You Deride!

GERMANY, FRANCE, RUSSIA OFFERED HUGE ROLE IN REBUILDING IRAQ

As leaders of Germany, France, and Russia met in St Petersburg, USSR I mean Russia, to discuss whether any of them had any future at all and which country was going to host Saddam Hussein, the USA offered them a huge role in helping re-build Iraq.

On Thursday Wolfowitz -- a leading hawk in the U.S. administration -- said France, Germany and Russia could contribute to rebuilding Iraq by writing off some or all of the loans they made to Iraq under President Saddam Hussein.

French diplomatic sources said that according to the International Monetary Fund (IMF), minus interest charges, Iraq owes around $1.7 billion to France, $2.2 billion to the United States and $2.25 billion to Germany.

See? There's plenty for everyone to do!
And by the way, has anyone seen the pictures of these guys at the summit? Like deer in the headlights...

SUNDAY EVENING SHORTS

US to North Korea: I'm sorry, we were busy a while there. What was that you were saying? Yea, I thought so, sh1ts@cks. (More about saber rattling tomorrow)

As Jessica Lynch returns to the U.S. for rehabilitation, NBC announces they are ...attempting to get official rights to her story but (are) willing to proceed with a script based on news reports and other public information, Daily Variety said Thursday.. Hmmm, imagine that...

Hey, just a thought, but if the people of Baghdad had spent their time and energy cleaning up the mess instead of looting would they have their town restored by now? Have the years of living under an oppressive dictator robed them of all initiative? Naaah, it's America's fault.
But oh well, at least it's not as bad as France. George Will stated on "This Week" that 40,000 Frenchmen were killed in post-WWII revenge/retribution attacks. This week's 'This Week' show wasn't yet posted on the ABC Web site. Will link when I can.

Colin Powell on BBC regarding WMD in Iraq: "There's strong evidence and no question about the fact there are weapons of mass destruction...We will find weapons of mass destruction." Sounds confident to me, and one would assume the Secretary of State would know.
You wanna know what I think about WMD and Iraq? (Too bad, I'm still gona tell ya!) I think when it comes to nations with children's prisons that's all the reason we need for a war. I've also addressed this below and recently enjoyed this column from Vox Day on the topic of what this war is all about. (Note: it's after the Garofolo part of the column.) And OBTW we'll talk about Sabre rattling and Syria tomorrow.

From Sky News (and you'll love the picture)
In the house next door to Saddam's love shack...troops found thousands of weapons. More than 6,000 Berretta pistols, 650 Sig Sauer pistols, 248 Colt Revolvers, 160 Belgian 7.65 mm pistols, 12 cases of Sterling submachine guns and four cases of anti-tank missiles all still in the unopened original boxes, were discovered. There were also tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition mortars and cases of old handguns and heavy machine guns.
Who in their right mind would keep that stuff near their mistress? And why do you need a mistress when you can have all the wives you want? And would you sit on anything in this place? And why can't I think up a good joke about 'how did the B-52's miss the Love Shack?'

And here's the latest on the flat-earth anti-war crowd, this report is from a French news agency. And they know a communist when they see one. (And always remember, organizer estimates of crowd size are inflated by at least one order of magnitude beyond anything remotely possible.) If I have time later I'll play with population percentages...

And hey, Ritter, Fisk, Bonior, whoever gave up the DNA samples...Thanks, uh...I guess...

And this via e-mail from my Baghdad correspondent, Master Sergeant Frank Lee Whompass:
"As I sit here on Saddy's golden dumper puffing one big fine fat cigar I can't help but think that even though I don't know Tarik Aziz from Adam, he just helped me fill an inside straight. So if I catch him, I will make it relatively painless for him, know what I mean?"

Sure thing, Frank!

INTERNATIONAL GANGS OF THUGS RUN WILD IN BAGHDAD

Baghdad (IP News)
In the wake of the failed American occupation of Baghdad, large gangs of thugs from around the world are now roaming the streets at will, terrorizing the locals.

"I blame the U.S.A. for this" Shouted one angry resident "they are here with their guns. With one shot from them this lawless behavior would stop!"

"They are all thieves and liars" said another exhausted citizen of Baghdad. "They come here to steal our food and water and tell lies about us and the things that are happening here. We want them gone. We want our country back."

"We have a right to be here" Countered one of the imported thugs as he photographed a corpse. "We are international journalists and this country is now experiencing the benefits of a free press!"

MODERN MEDIA MARCHES OFF TO WAR (PART II)

Sometime during the 1960's a subtle shift in the perceived (in the perception of both the journalist and many segments of the public) purpose of the American media began. A shift away from 'reporting' as the main purpose of the journalist. Students in journalism schools unwittingly revealed this shift in emphasis as they increasingly stated "to make a difference" as the primary reason they were interested in the profession. This sounds noble at first, but consider the implication. The unspoken undertone is agenda driven reporting vs. reporting the facts.

Note that as yet I've made no reference to that agenda. Still, anyone reading this has already determined exactly what agenda I mean. I offer this as support to my theme; the existence of that agenda has become common knowledge in America today. While within the profession of the journalist it is accepted practice, so much so that they are no longer capable of recognizing it. They may acknowledge this transformation as something along the lines of "developing a social conscience" or a "shift away from being a mouthpiece for the powerful elite". Note that both descriptions seem to portray something noble and heroic. I believe this bogus nobility is the fundamental lie that enables all other transgressions of journalistic truth to occur.

The development over time of this "noblesse obligée" concept of journalistic operations has placed the political right and the media increasingly in positions of mutual suspicion and distrust. But another subtle shift in those positions might be occurring. The first sign of this shift may be "Bush at War" by Bob Woodward, one of those who defined the late-20th-century version of the "crusading journalist." (For you youngsters out there, Woodward was half of the team that brought down Nixon and established the dominant journalistic paradigm of the last thirty years.) As proof of that shift, I offer this review of the book from the left. Wow! When the left turns on you it's complete. One would gather they never liked Woodward after all!

And now, via World Magazine, I introduce you to Torie Clark, architect of the Embedded Journalist concept. One of the most brilliant strategies of the war - the simple truth!

Did any one else see the not-so-subtle difference between the reports from the embeds vs the roving (or static) reporters? I saw it on day one. The Embedded journalists knowing they were off with great heroes on an historical march, completely unable to hide the exuberance and human emotion. Did you catch Ted Koppel's observations of the initial "crossing of the berm" or Dave Bloom's (and yes this is tragic) enthusiastic reports from the northbound tank column on day one? Amazing. Now juxtapose that with the monotonous whining of so many of the unfortunates left behind. Jealousy mixed with a preconditioned anti-American mindset could be suppressed no more then the enthusiasm of their more intrepid counterparts.

Sure, they'll be dismissed as "lackeys" and "tools of Big Brother" by the ultra-left, but that's no surprise. (See Woodward above). But I propose that (strange as it may seem to some) the left was not prepared for the right to use the media as a method for telling the truth about he war. The left assumed they had the media in their pockets, as they pretty much have had for years, allegations to the contrary not withstanding. (Remember I am talking about people who insist that CNN has a "right wing bias" - see part one.)

So I suggest that the stage is set for journalistic conflict in the post war world the likes of which we have not seen for some time...

(More to come! I warned you I reserved the right to expand this! ;>)

MODERN MEDIA MARCHES OFF TO WAR (PART I)

A couple of on-line and in-person discussions I've had recently have led me towards this particular post. In a way, I find myself re-visiting the original theory that started my little Blog here. (See the left margin just south of the blogger tag.) I think this will end up as a two-part Blog; today's part I presenting background material which I'll attempt to tie together in part II tomorrow. I reserve the right to go longer if I feel like it ;>)

Here's the on-line discussions, the first is an excerpt from an early-in-the-war post by an individual claiming to be a Norwegian living in England:

"...Curiously, people in the US believe their mass media to be liberal and anti-republican. They are the ONLY people to believe this. Every other western nation sees the US media as the meekest, most lily-livered, most unquestioning corporate leeches to call themselves journalists. They really only rarely question the fundamentals of US policy..." (emphasis added)
Posted by: Tannhauser on March 24, 2003 07:27 PM

My Response:
The duty of a free press, sir, is to report, truthfully and factually - not to operate as a mouthpiece for any political agenda. Nations without our long history of a free press may not grasp this. Your strident call for American media to be more like Pravda circa 1973 is noted. As for as your arrogance to claim speak for "every other western nation" - did you mean the governments or the people - just which aspect of every nation are you the spokesman for? As all viewers know, CNN has a distinct liberal bias. It's subtle, and probably lost on foreigners who don't see the subtleties of US politics any more then the average American could grasp theirs. And the British media is no farther left then CNN - sorry, I've viewed them all.
Posted by: greyhawk on March 25, 2003 03:35 PM

And more recently, Pooke commented on my link to a NY Times piece about CNN suppressing news from Iraq:
Greyhawk, Why do you think Eason Jordan decided to confess to essentially covering up the crimes of Sadaam Hussein? I understand he wanted to keep the Baghdad bureau open, but I'm still gape-jawed by his confession. Is he dying? Afraid of joining his buddies in hell? Any theories out there?
Posted by Pooke at April 11, 2003 07:47 PM

Pooke: His statement "fear for Iraqis who could have been killed" will be his defense. And probably for many others. Ooglay Hussein will be saying he feared Saddam would kill Uday if Ooglay didn't play along, get it? Ritter, on the other hand, didn't want to tell what he knew about the Children's Prison for fear it would (rightfully) incite Americans to wage a war of liberation - and he said so! Reprehensible on his part, and completely indefensible, this guy should be tried in Iraq.

Still, perhaps the pre-war media (who can now tell their stories for big bucks) could have been a little less anti-Bush? It's one thing to let the people suffer because you could argue they could be worse off because of your actions, it's another to obstruct the liberators.

For "evil flourishes when good men do nothing" or something to that effect.

So what are they covering up now? And what's their excuse? And what credibility do they have left? Most media outlets are now despised by the left and right, and will really have to rethink their concept of operations in our brave new world. (This will be a blog on my page tomorrow, now that I see it developing ;)
Posted by Greyhawk at April 11, 2003 08:15 PM
(And I credit Pooke for really getting me thinking here.)

Then I recalled this week's Anne Coulter Column and later I ran across this piece by Bernard Goldberg, both of which fit in nicely with what I want to say. Add in a few televised discussions as to the truth of what's happening in Baghdad regarding looting and US responsibility in that regard and Don Rumsfeld and...

Well, like I said, you'll see tomorrow. ;>)

Kerry AWOL?

In the wake of Calpundit's discovery of the shred of paper exposing George Bush's fraudulent service to America, The Mudville Gazette proudly releases this:

It's a scrap of a note that allegedly fell out of John Kerry's pocket during a recent speech to the Greater Detroit Area Friends of France. Possibly retrieved by the building's alert janitor, the document is now in our possession.

The note appears to be in Mrs. Heinz-Kerry's handwriting, and obviously is indicative of the candidate's poor memory. This could be due to the early onset of senility, or perhaps he just never had the mental capacity to recall this sort of thing. Consideration must also be given to the theory that he doesn't care enough to remember her needs.

On that subject, why exactly does she need batteries? It would be crude to suggest the candidate has been "AWOL" a little too much lately. And it would be beyond the bounds of good taste to imply the man is somehow incapable of...

Well never mind. But has Kerry really released all the details of the various wounds he received in 'Nam?

WHAT RHYMES WITH RITTER?

I want to make fun of this guy but I can't think of anything. Foxnews reports this from little Scotty on 27 March:

"...Scott Ritter, a former U.N. weapons inspector who has said Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction, now says the United States does not have the military means to take over Baghdad and will lose the war in Iraq. Ritter told a radio station in Lisbon, Portugal, that "The United States is going to leave Iraq with its tail between its legs, defeated.... Every time we confront Iraqi troops we may win some tactical battles, as we did for 10 years in Vietnam, but we will not be able to win this war, which in my opinion is already lost."

Bummer, Scotty! Say it ain't so!

FRIDAY EVENING QUICKIES

No liberal bias? I think you'll enjoy this one. And if there's a left wing equivalent somebody let me know.

This one needs no comment from me. CNN in the NY Times! Click here and enjoy.

And here's a late entry for Sh1ts@ck of the week:
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif., April 10 (UPI) -- Wives of Camp Pendleton Marines involved in the war in Iraq have been receiving crank calls from individuals claiming to work for the Red Cross who regretfully, and falsely, inform them that their spouses had been killed in action.

Iraqi agents were planning to blow up a hotel in northern Iraq last month. Appears the war and the Kurds may have derailed their plan. CNN fails to say thanks. Guess they thought they deserved it.
And CNN got the confession tape? That'd probably get your case dismissed in America.

Didn't know whether to call this one "truth is the first casualty of war" or "why we can't 'win' the search for weapons." As Rush said, even if we found a stack of nukes, some would just use them as proof of how wonderful Saddam was for not using them. Saddam Hussein was a weapon of mass destruction.

And get ready to learn how much worse Ahmed Chalabi will be for Iraq then Saddam ever was. The left has had this guy in their sights for a long time. I'm not claiming a 'vast, left wing conspiracy' or anything like that here. In fact, even mainstream outlet CNN is beginning to turn on him! (Did you catch the sarcasm?) And all I've done here is link about 4 of the top 5 results of a Google search.
Mr Chalabi is cursed for having lived in America. And I even found an article that calls him a neocon! (Gasp!)
Good luck, sir! If these are your enemies that's all the credentials I need.

COMMUNISTS REVEAL HOT NEW BUZZ WORD FOR SPRING

(Washington IP News)
The international communist party today announced the "hot new buzz word" for spring.

"It's Neocon." Said a spokesprole. "This spring, when you want to announce loud and clear that your political preference is somewhere left of Stalin; when you want the word that says "Saddam got a raw deal!" you want "Neocon".

The pressroom was all abuzz as the assembled reporters began eagerly repeating the word to ensure proper pronunciation.

"Additional information is in your press kits." Continued the speaker. "And please read the guidelines for proper application and combination! Although this word is currently approved for use in place of 'Republican' it is not yet synonymous with 'fascist!' or 'religious right'. But we can achieve great things when we work together!
Now, as to the protests this weekend..."

"This is very helpful." Stated a well-known morning news anchor, "It will really go a long way towards appearing to be unbiased."

Various reporters were heard to be practicing "Neocon Republican...no, no, wait..." and "...Neocon commentator..", "...Neocon warmonger...", and "Neocon agenda..." as the conference broke up.

"Remember" the speaker shouted at the departing reporters "At least once every newscast!"

SPORTS-LIKE RIOTING ERUPTS IN BAGHDAD

Baghdad (IP News)
Rioting continued today in the Iraqi capitol as citizens broke into offices and stores and carried off goods to their hearts content.

"It's like they think they've lost the world cup or something" said a British observer.

"Or the Superbowl" said an American.

Dreadful. Just Dreadful.

SENSE OF URGENCY SURROUNDS "ANTI-WAR" RALLY

America (IP News)
International Answer, the communist-backed anti-American organization formed immediately after 911 to attack any American response to terrorism, is sponsoring a rally on April 12. The event is to take place in Washington, and concurrent events are planned for other unfortunate cities nationwide.

"We've got to act quickly or we won't be able to stop this illegal war before it's over!" said a spokesmoron for the group.

"Hold on, wait just a minute!" Said another, shoving the first aside, "The purpose of this rally will also be to make sure the capitalist pigs don't take advantage of the downtrodden Iraqi masses! We're demanding that America restore order then leave Iraq as soon as possible!"

When asked if that wasn't the exact stated goal of the Bush administration, the second spokesmoron added "That may well be! And if the Illegal administration gives in to our demands then we will have our first victory!"

That moron was immediately and inexplicably replaced by another moron who stated "We will also stop war profiteers from profiteering on this war! We will also prove how the pro-right FoxNews Media has lied..."

However, by this point, no one in their right mind was listening. Still he prattled on, completely missing a world class opportunity to sit down with a fresh hot cup of shut the #$@% up.

In a related story, the group's 'message collective' announced the formal approval of the following slogans for signs and t-shirts to be carried or worn at this and all future demonstrations:

"We protest our parents and our Children!"

and

"Never Trust Anyone Under 30!"

Meanwhile, in the real world as reported by the aforementioned right-wing biased news sources, thousands of Iraqis celebrated in the streets of America and Iraq , while Jessica Lynch is recovering as well as could be expected.

ANOTHER POSSIBLE SADDAM DNA SOURCE LOCATED

Grey: Hey did you hear about the Arab-Americans celebrating in the streets in Michigan?

Hawk: Yes, but I'm confused of course, since some things I've read would indicate total opposition to the war by Arab-Americans. Somebody must be wrong! It's probably fake movies of the demonstrations.

Grey: Say, Michigan, isn't Dave Bonior from there?

Hawk: Yes, if you mean the guy who said this in 1999:

What you have here is the American people supporting by about a two to one margin our efforts in the air campaign to stop this brutality. And this is brutality of genocidal proportions. We're talking about a person here who is burning villages, a million homeless in Kosovo as a result of this action -- women being raped as a weapon of war; sons and fathers being dragged off of convoys and shot to death. We heard something yesterday of about 100 that were killed; men and boys being tied up and burned alive. And the American people understand this. They understand oppression. They understand that very, very well. And at their core, they react to it. And that's why there's so much support in the country for this policy. NATO supports it. The Republicans in the Senate, 17 of them went along in a bipartisan way supporting this campaign...
...And they've referred to it as Mr. Clinton's war on the floor of the House on numerous occasions. The last thing we need to do is to make partisan this war effort. These are not Democrats or Republicans that are fighting there on our behalf and trying to end this genocide. These are American, young men and women. And we ought to be on their side. And we ought not to be sending a message and pulling the rug out from underneath them by voting against what they're doing...
...The President has brought leading Democrats and Republicans. We had 50 some or so down to the White House, Senate and House members, to talk about this yesterday. He's done this periodically on a regular basis to keep people apprised of it. I'm concerned that they were trying to pull the rug out from him on this one.

And he also said this:
“What is America supposed to do? Are we supposed to look the other way?... We simply cannot and will not let the worst of history repeat itself.”

Grey: Wow, he's non partisan for sure! But actually I was thinking about the guy who went to Iraq a few months ago and said this:

If it turns out Iraq maintains a weapons of mass destruction program, would a U.S.-led preemptive assault be justified then? Mr. Bonior, again: "No. I wouldn't support military action in this endeavor at all."

...In Basra, he and Bonior as much as charged the United States with war crimes in connection with the first, 1991 invasion of Iraq. Asked by reporters about Saddam's suspected pursuit of an atomic bomb, Bonior replied that "the only nuclear piece that we've been able to detect here...is an incredible, unconscionable increase in leukemias and lymphomas for children that have been affected by this, the uranium that has been part of our weapons system that was dropped here." Bonior's (approving) reference was to Iraqi allegations that trace residues from U.S. explosive shells hardened by low-radiation "depleted uranium" have widely poisoned Persian Gulf War battlefields. We have done a "horrendous, a barbaric, horrific thing," Bonior said, and "the world community needs to know about it."

The world community already knows about "it," actually. At least 13 Western governments have sent scientific teams to analyze the environmental health effects of depleted-uranium munitions employed in wartime. So has the U.N. And the World Health Organization. And the European Commission. And the British Royal Society. And no such inquiry has ever produced a speck of evidence to substantiate the charges David Bonior would like to resuscitate on behalf of "the children" in Iraq.

Hawk: Well actually they are the same guy.

Grey: Nooooo!

Hawk: Oh yes. Now he's the darling of the communist party. Right up there with Ramsey Clark.

Grey: Great Googly Moogly! What's this moron up to now?

Hawk: He's running for Governor.

Grey: Wow. Only in America, huh? Well I hope he has marketable skills too...

Hey... did my inner monologue get out?

DOES THE U.S.A. NEED A DNA SAMPLE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN?

I'll bet Ramsey Clark can provide one.

Even the
people of San Francisco have zero tolerance for this freak. And I wonder how many times Mr Ashcroft had to have the office fumigated?

This saddamite is a winner though. He just narrowly defeated Scotty Ritter and Saddamn himself for the Mudville Gazette's "sh1ts@ack of the week" award.

You go, Ramsey! (Anywhere you want, just go!)

SEARCH AND DESTROY TEAMS IN BAGHDAD PRESS HOTEL

Baghdad (IP News)
Groups of US Marines and Soldiers roamed freely about Baghdad today. Several small bands were seen going from room to room in the Palestine Hotel, apparently searching for someone or something.
The troops were overheard saying "He's got to be here" and "This things just not over til we find him" and "when we get him I want him first"
When questioned if they thought Saddam Hussein might be in the hotel, they would not deny the possibility, but did state that he was not the object of the search.
"Arnett, you bastard, get out here" yelled one as they moved on down the hall...

NEWS BRIEFS FROM DOWN UNDER

An alert reader asked (via e-mail) "Greyhawk, why do you fabricate e-mail questions? I then denied that I do. Then he said "and how about the entire Southern Hemisphere? There's loads of stupid people there too! Why do you ignore it?" And I said "I didn't hear you. What?"

From Australia:
I haven't found a link yet, but apparently the Dixie Chicks are in Australia (a "coalition country") for a concert in Sydney. They said in an interview there (I saw it on TV, but can't remember what show, I wasn't really watching it) that they were just joking on that Bush comment. It was a joke, get it? Me neither.

From New Zealand:
Check this guy out. Is that confusion on his face? Personally I think he took a wrong turn at Kuwait City and ended up in Teheran.

And I found this on an Australian web site while looking for dixies. Strange in that I had just posted another story about a pervert in a public restroom. Draw your own conclusions.

NEW POLL RESULTS REVEAL MAJORITY OF AMERICANS MIGHT BE STUPID

After publication of my last poll results a lot of people wrote in to say "now we understand why you don't publish poll results." So here's more.

AMERICA (IP News)
Results of a new poll indicate many Americans may or may not be stupid.
When asked "Are you stupid?", 60% of Americans responded "no", while 34% responded "yes", and 6% were "not sure" or "other", although the last response was included as an option by mistake.
When asked "Do you know any stupid people?" 97% of Americans responded "Yes".
CNN and other large Media outlets responded immediately. "We've based our entire business plan on just this concept" stated a spokesperson, who then refused to provide details on their own intelligence.
A group of well known but anonymous Scientific Geniuses reviewing the data concluded that
1. Americans may or may not be stupid, and
2. Americans may or may not be sarcastic.
Further studies may or may not be conducted, depending on availability of lucrative Government funding.

WEAPONS INSPECTOR, GIRL SCOUT TROOP LEADER, IS THERE ANYTHING THIS MAN CAN'T DO?

(or won't do?)

Scott Ritter, you may know, was the chief UN Weapons inspector in Iraq until he resigned in '98. More recently he became the darling of the anti-American left when he became a self-proclaimed "wager of peace," calling for the impeachment of the President for "high crimes and misdemeanors" for waging a war "based on a foundation of lies."

I stole this from WSJ Best of the Web, they stole it from Time but it's worth repeating. Added emphasis is mine.

"In a September interview with Time magazine, here's what Scott Ritter had to say about Iraq's children's prisons:

The prison in question is at the General Security Services headquarters, which was inspected by my team in Jan. 1998. It appeared to be a prison for children--toddlers up to pre-adolescents--whose only crime was to be the offspring of those who have spoken out politically against the regime of Saddam Hussein. It was a horrific scene. Actually I'm not going to describe what I saw there because what I saw was so horrible that it can be used by those who would want to promote war with Iraq, and right now I'm waging peace."

An unusual stance, given his well known love for children.

MY HERO OF THE WEEK (PART 2)

Everyone knows about the Dixie Chicks, poor things! When confronted with all that anti-American feeling in Europe, who could blame them for joining in? (Country music fans, that's who!). Then they said they were sorry, and now they say they were joking. Whatever. America isn’t laughing.

But I'll bet you didn't hear about Lance Armstrong, cancer-survivor and four-time Tour-de-France winner who hopes to win a record-tying fifth in a row this summer.

Think about it - this guy will be riding a bike through France of all places. And they hate him like no other American for dominating their sport! It's like if the US team were to win the World Cup in Soccer - there's got to be something we can't do better then everyone! And he'll be riding thousands of miles, exposed on the open roads of their country! Get the picture? Okay, so what does Lance have to say? Well this is from his web site:

"...In my opinion it's not really the place of an athlete to take a position here. And I do think there should be a strong delineation from sports, war, diplomacy, and politics. I am getting asked this question repeatedly over here because a) I'm an American like the President, b) I'm a Texan like the President, and c) I am a friend of the President's. The war seems to be very unpopular here (lots and lots of protests) and it's normal that the press tries to get a quote regarding this.

"What I will say, and have said many times, is that NOBODY wants a war. Not me. Not President Bush. Not Tony Blair. No one... but sometimes it may be unavoidable. I absolutely support the President and absolutely support our troops."

And now a few people are suggesting Lance and the US Postal Service Team should withdraw from the tour for safety reasons. Mention is usually made of France's growing Muslim population. Really, could France secure the route? Lance has stated that he'd like for there to be some security, but has no inclination to withdraw from the race.

I for one, am looking forward to seeing him take on the world again this summer.

Here's to you, Lance Armstrong, all American!

A CASE OF PRE-WAR NOSTALGIA

Remember those good old, care free, pre-war days from last month? How half the world wet themselves in one way or another over the many possible outcomes of the impending war in Iraq?

By now, they were saying, the stock market would be down, America would be in flames along with Baghdad...thousands dead, hundreds of thousands of refugees... "quagmire"... "Viet Nam"... dead babies...

Of course, "it's not over yet," but how sad the poor deluded anti-everything crowd must be. Clinging vainly to the pronouncements of the Iraqi Minister of Truth, even as the Tanks rolled in. And all the while the refugee camps remained a little less crowded then a typical American soup kitchen.

Well...some may be willing to "move on" and "put all that behind us" and "move boldly forward," but I want to be nostalgic from time to time here at the Gazette. Today I'll look at an article from "Alternet" - an insignificant little communist e-zine, but still representative of the shallow minds at work on that side of the fence (way way way out in left field).

In 'Bush Wins': The Left's Nightmare Scenario Mark LeVine wrote (among other drivel):

"With war seemingly imminent, the movement is being forced to fall back on a second scenario, "Everyone Loses," in which the warnings of a protracted and bloody war that destabilizes the Middle East and increases terrorism bear their bitter fruit.

However unpalatable in terms of destroyed lives and infrastructure, this latter scenario would at least quash the Administration's imperial dreams and force the kind of soul searching of United States' policies that is a major goal of the movement. But this outcome is less likely than many assume, and the antiwar movement would be well advised to plan for a third scenario: "Bush Wins."

In this third scenario, the war is over quickly with relatively low U.S. casualties, some sort of mechanism for transitional rule is put in place, and President Bush and his policies gain unprecedented power and prestige. From my recent conversations with organizers and their latest pronouncements, it is clear that this possibility has yet to be addressed. Waiting much longer could spell disaster for the antiwar movement. "

(Note italicized emphasis is added - Greyhawk)

LeVine goes on and on. As wretched as it is, people should read this crap to (a) see how ridiculous these people are and (b) see how dangerous these people are. Levine claims to be an assistant prof at Cal Irvine. I believe him. He mentions working with your kids at a teach in. That's nauseating. He says they have great ideas for how the left should respond to his 'Bush Wins" nightmare. That's disturbing. (Note from most accounts I've heard, the faculty at most Universities have been very disappointed in their students non-anti-war stances. See John Lemon's Blog, for instance. John's one of the good guys!)

LeVine also claims to have spent 6 years in the Middle East. Apparently with his eyes closed. He's quite convinced, we can see from his writing, of his superiority to the average Muslim (and to you and me, for that matter.)

Anyhow...his worst case scenario is fast becoming reality. Can't wait to see what happens next...

A little rant (i've e-mailed this to the maggots, you can too at this address.):

Hey, Alternet,
How about taking Jessica Lynch's picture off your front page before the 3rd ID comes home, okay, sh1ts@cks? Or maybe she'll kick your asses by herself. This young lady is not your hero. She does not need you or anyone like you to take care of her. You could not begin to comprehend how far beneath contempt you are.

This Just In...

Baghdad (IP News)
In a surprise statement the Iraqi Ministry of Truth has announced the hiring of Hans Blix to determine whether or not US Troops have invaded Iraq, and if so, exactly how far into the country have they advanced.

"We see this as a good-faith effort on the part of the Iraqis to resolve an ongoing dispute between two nations." Said a multi-national UN spokesperson.

"So far," said Blix "I've not been able to detect any signs of them. Neither the troops themselves, damage they might have caused, or even tracks they would have left in the sands."

Iraqi Ministry of Truth spokesperson Ahmed Achbar Ibnlian, speaking from the shelter of a storm sewer, stated emphatically that this overwhelming evidence justifies their claim of no US troops anywhere near Baghdad.

The UN has requested Blix continue his search.

My Hero of the Week (Part 1)

Many of you have already heard the story of the yelow ribbons in Fieldsboro, NJ. In short:

Mayor Edward "Buddy" Tyler (news stories don't state his party affiliation, therefore assume 'democrat') of Fieldsboro, NJ, backed unanimously by the town council, demands that yellow ribbons be removed from public property.

He states something to the effect of 'if we let patriots display ribbons we'll have to allow displays of Swastikas or Confederate flags!' (There are more things wrong with that sentence then there are words in it. Note, for instance, that Swastikas and Confederate flags are getting the unquestioned "moral equivalency" treatment these days.)

Outcry is immediate and spreads well beyond the towns borders.

FIELDSBORO, N.J. -- Unhappy with the mayor's policy banning yellow ribbons on municipal property, ralliers marched through town Saturday, tacking the offending emblems on everything from the front door of the town hall to the mayor's car.

Led by Guardian Angels founder Curtis Sliwa, about 100 marchers left ribbons along the main street, then affixed dozens more to a pine tree when they reached an old school building that now serves as town hall for this central New Jersey borough's 522 residents.

The crowd whooped and cheered when Sliwa bedecked the hood ornament of the mayor's Lincoln with a big yellow bow.

Now, of course, some editorials are trying to downplay the idiocy of Tyler's behavior (can you say liberal papers in liberal state?):

Tyler, in the crosshairs, is a bit mystified. "I think things
are really blown a little bit out of proportion. Me and my council strongly support the troops," he told one reporter.

Whatever. He's an idiot. And really just the latest sh1ts@ck in government to be exposed by the war. And very minor at that.

But I'm personally tired of all the negative news - hence my focus on the positive. My personal hero of the week is the same guy who was out pumping gas for people during the muslim sniper crisis a while back.

Does this compare to the heroics of the folks at the front? To Jessica Lynch? To the relatives of POW's, MIAs, KIAs? No - not even close. Can you or I do what those people are doing? Chances are no.

Can we hang yellow ribbons? Yes. Even in Fieldsboro NJ.

Here's to you, Curt Sliwa.
I wish I coulda been there...

TIME MAGAZINE EXPANDS USA TODAY'S CONDITIONS FOR AMERICAN VICTORY

JOHANNA MCGEARY of time magazine has established her conditions for victory in Iraq. Among other things she says:

"There's another task to be achieved for the enterprise to be deemed successful: the U.S. needs to locate the weapons of mass destruction that the Administration claimed were cause for the war. None have been found yet. ...But if they aren't found, that would lead many to question the war..."

Wow...how profound. So according to Johanna/Time, if we get rid of Saddam and free the Iraqi people and stabilize the region through strength, we could still loose the war if we don't find hidden weapons of mass destruction. Bummer! I'll bet the troops will be pissed!

Here's a happy thought for you folks who think that way: Saddam Hussein is a weapon of mass destruction. Okay? But only as the head of a government. Get a grip, get a clue. We are doing what's right.

Iraq could manufacture WMD. We know this. Suppose they stopped for a while and destroyed all their stores. What stops them from rebuilding their supply? Their fundamental goodness and decency? Their burning desire to be a part of the world community? Their love of all mankind? We've certainly seen all that demonstrated this past week.

I believe our nation's leading print/electronic media detractors are drooling all over themselves as they cook up victory conditions for our troops. Expect the talking heads to panel-discuss this thing to death too. Here at the Mudville Gazette we will simply continue to expose all "journalists" who attempt to establish conditions for victory in the current war.

On a positive note, buried near the bottom of the article was an actual condition for victory:
"Victory is when the President announces it," White House spokesman Ari Fleischer replied.

That's the plus side of winning a war.

Johanna's Time's article is here
Enjoy!

ANTI-WAR DEMONSTRATION ERUPTS IN BAGHDAD

Baghdad (IP News)

Elements of the US Army and Marine Corps today put on one of the most impressive anti-war demonstrations in the history of the world. The protest took the form of a parade through downtown Baghdad.

After watching the event a noticeably shaken spokesman for the Iraqi government was heard to mutter "Well, maybe this war was not such a hot an idea after all. I'm really beginning to see the point these young kids are making. Hey is that coffee I smell?" He then denied having ever been involved with the Baath party. "Boo Saddam! I love George Bush America!"

Numerous of his more warlike party members still did not get the point. They found themselves riding in little white pickup trucks one minute, then standing peacefully in the presence of God the next, courtesy of the overwhelming firepower of the M1A1 Battle Tank.

Master Sergeant Frank Lee Whompass, unofficial spokesman for the demonstrators, stated "It's a wonderful feeling to see these people becoming pacified one way or another as a result of our protest march. This is loads more effective then that crap they tried in San Francisco."

Official word from Baghdad's ruling Baath party was denial of the event. "That was not Baghdad in those movies!" was the only comment.

Worldwide reaction to the 'Greater Baghdad Peacemaker Parade' was mixed. Outside of the Coalition of the Willing, few official government representatives had any comment whatsoever.

A North Korean spokescommunist did state that "We are trying desperately to think up some type of appropriate reply!"

BUCK FUSH!

Host: I'm Phil Gonerwho. Hello and welcome to my new show "Buck Fush"
Audience goes wild. Pearl Jam theme music plays.
Host: You know words can't express how proud I am to be the first host of a radio show here on the millionaire liberal funded left wing talk radio 'Excrement in Broadcast' network.
(Confused murmur from audience)
Host: I mean I'm happy to be here!
(Applause from crowd)
Host: And having been shut down on my previous network TV job (audience boos) I know exactly what it's like to be a victim of censorship. (more audience boos, some jeers)
But the biggest victim of censorship yet this century has got to be my guest today (excited buzz from audience, a few gasps) ladies and gentlemen, Peter Arnett!!
(audience roars as Pearl Jam plays again, roar subsides as music fades)
Host: Peter, thanks for being here.
Guest: It's good to be here Phil. And might I add I really wish I had your hair. (audience chuckles)
Host: Peter, the mainstream right wing media has tried to stifle you, but you've survived.
Guest: Yes I have Phil! (cheers)
Host: And now you'll be getting your own show here on EIB! (Audience gasps again)
Guest: That's right Phil, it's going to be called "Amerika Sux!" (crowd applause)
Host: Wow! Wish I'd have thought of that!
Guest: We got it from demographic focus groups Phil. It was positively received by 100 percent of our core constituency. And I do like your hair. It's more silver then anything, like real silver...
Host: Thanks, Peter. You've still got a hair yourself I see. How do you maintain it?
Guest: I'm sorry, lost myself there, what?
Host: Never mind. So my show is about hating the president and the government, but your show will be different, I'm assured, in that it's more about..
Guest: Hatred for Amerika and everything it's come to stand for, Phil. (Audience roars approval)
Host: Well it certainly sounds like these people will be listeners! Okay we'll be back with call-ins from our listeners just after this word from our sponsors...
Theme music (Pearl Jam again) rises as crowd applauds again...

USA TODAY ESTABLISHES CONDITIONS FOR AMERICAN VICTORY

Dave Moniz, John Diamond, and David Lynch of USA TODAY have established the conditions under which the US can declare victory in the current "war." Although none of the group has offered an explanation of their qualifications for the task, their list of demands apeared as an on-line news story; not as an editorial such as this Blog.

"If it goes well for the attackers, the coalition will find Saddam, minimize military and civilian casualties and discover deadly weapons caches that could vindicate the U.S. decision to invade." They said in a statement released in the on-line version of USA Today.
"But if things go as Saddam and his inner circle hope," the trio continued, "Iraqi defenders will take advantage of the capital's close quarters to erode the allies' technological superiority and inflict mounting casualties on U.S.-led troops pinned down in city streets. Caught between the combatants will be Iraqi citizens, whose mounting death toll will further enrage world opinion, making continuation of the war politically difficult - perhaps impossible."

Moniz, Diamond, and Lynch then compiled this list to further define their requirements for victory:

"How will U.S.-led forces know they've won? Here are some of the things to look for in determining whether the coalition has succeeded in Baghdad:
* A viable city. It will be crucial to cause relatively few civilian casualties and limited destruction of the urban landscape. ...key elements of the city's infrastructure will be left alone to ease the transition to postwar life. Large numbers of civilian deaths could turn a military victory into a political debacle, if world outrage forces coalition leaders to negotiate an end to the war without a clear win.
* An end to the fighting. Coalition forces could "take" the city but find themselves under constant sniper fire or terrorist attack after the main Iraqi defending force is defeated. Some attacks will probably persist indefinitely, but they must be marginal enough to allow reconstruction to begin.
* Hearts and minds. A sense of welcome from most of the city's population is crucial to soothe anger in the Arab world at the war and create conditions in which post-Saddam Iraq can be rebuilt. Eastern sections of Baghdad have a large Shiite population hostile to Saddam's regime. These neighborhoods may welcome U.S. troops. Less certain is the reception from the general Sunni population, which may include many Saddam loyalists.
* Blocking escape. Victory in Baghdad will be only partial if large numbers of Iraqi troops escape and regroup elsewhere to launch attacks against Baghdad or make a final stand somewhere else. U.S. air power will play a key role in this element of the battle, searching for convoys or
major troop movements out of the city.
* Formal surrender. A formal surrender ceremony would give finality to the conflict and symbolize Iraqi capitulation that might cause all resistance across the country to cease.
* The capture of key leaders. Perhaps the single most critical part of toppling the regime will be capturing or killing its most important and visible leaders, such as the ministers of defense and information, Saddam's sons and Saddam himself. "

In the future here at Greyhawk International Institute for Right Thought we will attempt to collect all similar demands by the media on the Coalition forces.

The rest of the story is here

REPORTERS DENY THAT WAR NOT GOING AS REPORTED

Iraq (IP News)
In spite of recent events, troop lines fifty miles from Baghdad, lack of a real 'humanitarian crises', low collateral damage numbers, and the rescue of Jessica Lynch, reporters still refuse to admit the war is not going as they claim.

"No no no no no no no!" Said Peter Arnett, "I assure you the Fedayeen Saddam along with the Republican Guard and the French Foreign Legion will be goose-stepping through Peoria by Friday."