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« You For Christmas | Main | "Kids" - Christmas 1944 »

December 22, 2008

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The Grinch '08

By Greyhawk

For years now, The Grinch II has been part of our Mudville Christmas tradition. But it was written in 2003, and it's showing it's age. So I've decided to update the tale...

*****

Everyone in America Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch, who worked for a "news" service, Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was his heart (or something) was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
or that this Christmas his future was looking bleak, too
(and "misery loves company" at least, in his view)
he thought he'd kill Christmas with a lot of bad news

"They're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some stories to stop Christmas from coming!"

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"This'll do for a start..." The Grinch said, as he clucked,
The global economy is totally - hosed!
"No one's shopping this year, and I'm overjoyed"
"They're lucky to have stockings - they're all unemployed!"

"And with global warming," the Grinch grinch-ish-ly screamed,
"The only White Christmas will be in their dreams!"
"It's a scientific fact - there's no doubt any more!"
"Only fools celebrate Christmas but deny Al Gore"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the newsroom, and he laughed at the "peasants".
He looked for a story of deaths in a fire,
when suddenly Baghdad news lit up the wire.

"hmmm...", said the Grinch, "maybe over on page two...
"No, what am I thinking? That will never do."
Then he tossed those reports right into the trash can
and Googled the death toll from Afghanistan

He filed his stories with a gleam in his eyes
"Tonight's work should get me a Pulitzer prize!"
But his head hurt from all of that serious thinking,
so he sat himself down and he started to drinking...

The next day, quite hungover, he slowly awoke,
but smiled and cackled, grabbed the cable remote
"Pooh-Pooh to the fools!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! Then they'll see the news!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the sheepleville sheeple will all cry Boo-Hoo!"

grnch2a.jpg"That's a sight and a sound that I MUST hear and see!"
So he cranked the surround on his HDTV.
And he did hear a sound rising on the news show.
It started in low.
Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at America! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Everyone cross the nation, the tall and the small,
were singing! Without any real cares at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinchy-head pounding in pain,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "They must be insane!"
"I know - they're too stupid! They don't realize!
It's me that they need just to open their eyes!"

And what happened then...? Well...there's some who might say
That the Grinch's small heart shrunk three sizes that day!

'Cause he pulled all the shades and he locked up the door,
and started drooling and scheming, and typing some more

When into his inbox a reminder plopped
that caused him to pause, then he totally stopped

His boss sent a memo that he felt was cruel
But it stated for certain there was just one rule

And he knew it was wise, and follow it he would:
"After January 20 all the news must be good"

"I'm no dummy," he sneered, "they won't be showing me the door"
"At least not while I'm leasing a new Audi A4"

So you folks in America can take it from me
Next year will be better
As seen on TV.

*****

Related: An Ode to Billy Joel. (Or is it "owed"?)


Posted by Greyhawk / December 22, 2008 1:11 AM | Permalink

7 Comments

Merry Christmas to Mudville and the Flyover.

Well done Greyhawk.

Priceless

Well done Greyhawk--Merry Christmas to Mudville and the Flyover.

EXCELLENT !!!

BZ! Too danged true for comfort!

BZ, Old Grey Feathered One. Absolutely hilarious and has the benefit of Truth.

Subsunk

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November 26, 2010


America@war
[Greyhawk]
I think anyone who's ever pondered the "comment" option - once only available on blogs and bulletin boards, now ubiquitous on almost any web site - will appreciate this:
The so-called faculty of writing is not so much a faculty of writing as it is a faculty of thinking. When a man says, "I have an idea but I can't express it"; that man hasn't an idea but merely a vague feeling. If a man has a feeling of that kind, and will sit down for a half an hour and persistently try to put into writing what he feels, the probabilities are at least 90 percent that he will either be able to record it, or else realize that he has no idea at all. In either case, he will do himself a benefit.

That's wisdom from the past, captured for posterity at the US Naval Institute, shared via the web on the institute's 137th anniversary.

From their about page:

The Naval Institute shall remain

INDEPENDENT - A non-profit member association, with no government support, that does not lobby for special interests;

NON-PARTISAN - An independent, professional military association with a mission, goals and objectives that transcend political affiliations; and shall encourage

IDEAS - Through its respected journals Proceedings and Naval History, its conferences, its books and its online content, in support of those who serve.

"The Naval Institute has three core activities," among them, History and Preservation:

The Naval Institute also has recently introduced Americans at War, a living history of Americans at war in their own words and from their own experiences. These 90-second vignettes convey powerful stories of inspiration, pride, and patriotism.

Take a look at the collection, and you'll see it's not limited to accounts from those who served on ships at sea, members of the other branches are well-represented.

I'm fortunate to have met USNI's Mary Ripley, she's responsible for the institute's oral history program (and she's the daughter of the late John Ripley, whose story is told here). She also deserves much credit for their blog. ("We're not the Navy nor any government agency. Blog and comment freely.") We met at a milblog conference - Mary knew (and I would come to realize) that milbloggers are the 21st-century version of exactly what the US Naval Institute is all about. Once that light bulb came on in my head, I mentioned a vague idea for a project to her - milblogs as the 21st century oral history that they are.

"Put that in writing," she said (of course - see first paragraph above!) - and here's part of the result.

Shortly after the first tent was pitched by the American military in Iraq a wire was connected to a computer therein, and the internet was available to a generation of Americans at war - many of whom had grown up online. From that point on, at any given moment, somewhere in Iraq a Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine was at a keyboard sharing the events of his or her day with the folks back home. While most would simply fire off an email, others took advantage of the (then) relatively new online blogging platforms to post their thoughts and experiences for the entire world to see. The milblog was born - and from that moment to this stories detailing everything from the most mundane aspects of camp life to intense combat action (often described within hours of the event) have been available on the web...

And et cetera - but since you're reading this on a milblog, you probably knew that. And you know that milblogs aren't just blogs written by troops at war, that many friends, family members, and supporters likewise documented their story of America at war online in near-real time, as those stories developed.

The diversity in membership of that group is broad, the one thing we all have in common is the impulse to make sense of the seemingly senseless, and communicate the tale - for each of us that impulse was strong enough to overcome whatever barriers prevent the vast majority of people from doing the same. Everyone at some point has some vague idea they believe should be shared - we were the people who, from some combination of internal and external urging, found and spent those many half hours persistently trying to write it down.

*****

But where will all that be in another 137 years? Or five or ten, for that matter. That's something I've asked myself since at least 2004 - when I wrote this:

Closing Blogs is nothing new. So many site's owners just give up on their own. They come and go, you know, these MilBloggers do. Like any other sort of blogger. Many post in the lonely down hours far from home, spill their guts for the world, then abandon their spots when the tour of duty is up. They have lives again somewhere in the world, and no need to share the details. So it goes.

Many are truly gone - no site left at all. "The page cannot be found." Other blogs remain, like abandoned defensive positions in shifting desert sands.

Membership in the ghost battalion has grown in the years since, and an ever growing majority of those abandoned-but-still-standing sites are vanishing. Have you checked out Lt Smash's site lately? How about Sgt Hook's? If you're a long-time milblog reader you know the first widely-read milblog from Operation Iraq Freedom and the first widely-read milblog from Afghanistan are both gone from the web. If you're a relative newcomer to this world you may never even have heard of them - or the dozens upon dozens of others who carried forth the standard they set down.

If you have a vague notion that something should be done about that, (a notion I've heard expressed more than once...) then you and I and the good folks at the US Naval Institute are in agreement. Preserving the history documented by the milbloggers is just one of the goals of the milblog project, the once-vague idea that we're now making real.

And it's a big idea, if I say so myself - too big to explain in one simple blog post, so stand by for more. Likewise, it's too big a task to be accomplished by just one person. So if you're a milblogger (and exactly what is a milblogger? is a topic for much further discussion on its own) I'm asking for your help. All I'll really need is just a little bit (maybe just one or two of those half hours...) of your time, and your willingness to tell the tale.

We've already made history, it's time to save it.

(More to follow...)




Posted 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) |

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The Mudville Gazette is the on-line voice of an American warrior and his wife who stands by him. They prefer to see peaceful change render force of arms unnecessary. Until that day they stand fast with those who struggle for freedom, strike for reason, and pray for a better tomorrow.
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  • Subsunk: BZ, Old Grey Feathered One. Absolutely hilarious and has the read more
  • DANEgerus: Grinch Pic read more
  • MissBirdlegs in AL: BZ! Too danged true for comfort! read more
  • Roscoe, usa: EXCELLENT !!! read more
  • ArizonaNeanderthal: Well done Greyhawk--Merry Christmas to Mudville and the Flyover. read more
  • Jen: Priceless read more
  • ArizonaNeanderthat: Merry Christmas to Mudville and the Flyover. Well done Greyhawk. read more

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The Mudville Gazette is written and produced by Greyhawk, who recently retired from 24 years of active duty in the US military, but will maintain this disclaimer: Unless otherwise credited, the opinions expressed are those of the author, and nothing here is to be taken as representing the official position of or endorsement by the United States Department of Defense or any of its subordinate components.

Furthermore, I will occasionally use satire or parody herein. The bottom line: it's my house.

I like having visitors to my house. I hope you are entertained. I fight for your right to free speech, and am thrilled when you exercise said rights here. Comments and e-mails are welcome, but all such communication is to be assumed to be 1)the original work of any who initiate said communication and 2)the property of the Mudville Gazette, with free use granted thereto for publication in electronic or written form. If you do NOT wish to have your message posted, write "CONFIDENTIAL" in the subject line of your email.

Original content copyright © 2003 - 2011 by Greyhawk. Fair, not-for-profit use of said material by others is encouraged, as long as acknowledgement and credit is given, to include the url of the original source post. Other arrangements can be made as needed.

Contact: greyhawk at mudvillegazette dot com

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*****

Tending Distant
Fires


Far from hearth and home, watching
Cold alone but not alone
On distant shore and only wanting
Safe return and little more

What tales we'll tell
When that time comes
When tales can be told

When things grim
Seem far away
When other fires go cold

Some distant sunset, vision fading
Memories remain
And tired eyes gaze 'pon folded flags
While distant drums beat their refrain

Saluting fallen friends whose names
And youth will never fade
Here's to those on other shores,
for them live well, the price is paid

- Greyhawk,
Baghdad,
December 2004