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September 13, 2007

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From Iraq

By Greyhawk

A trip down memory lane - some of Greyhawk's favorite posts from two tours in Iraq.


September 23, 2004
On Leaving
Greyhawk
I awoke in the quiet watches with my youngest in my arms, wondering what I might say to her and her brother and sister and their mom and knowing I was done with sleeping for this night.

Here is why: Some must go to fight the Dragons. And if you think such things don't exist then it must be I read you the wrong sorts of stories when you were young.

If you ask only why I and not some other than I can tell you this;

Listen

"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

The President of the United States said that when I was very young. Now some will tell you that such thinking is out of fashion these days and that the causes we turn our energies to are unjust. I can tell you only that I don't think so, and that I'm quite certain the dragons themselves would raise such concerns were we to give them voices.

This is for us all: Have faith, not fear. Trust God. Stand fast, be strong.

For me the time is here to leave precious things behind for just a while, and that cost is not too great to bear. After all, what things could be called precious if not worth any price?

For you it's simply time to be brave, as so many of your friends have. Think about this: Without bad there could be no good. Hard times pass. Be kind to one another in every possible way; lift the burdens that others bear and I think you'll find your burden's lighter too.

Worrying helps nothing, try not to do it. Don't feel bad when from time to time you do. And please do fun things and enjoy doing them - you owe me nothing more than that.

And never tell me anything's too hard.

Take pictures.

Write.

Smile.

See you soon.

(Postscript: "On Leaving" was made into a song by the band 3dB Down in 2005, and can also be found in the Book "The Blog of War")


September 28, 2004
The Eyes of the Undefeated
Greyhawk
The trees sag. I mentioned it to another guy in the truck on the way to the chow hall at another camp, he'd noticed it too.

"It's the heat" He said. "You'd sag too if you stood in that all day."

Droopy trees.

Did I say chow hall? Here's your Iraq Faq of the day (Iraqui Faque Du jour, as the French might say, were they here): It's a dining facility. DFAC, for short, pronounced DEEFAK. Now you too can pose.

I saw it first thing early this morning, headed for the shower tent and noted the droopy state of the trees. One of the first things I noticed in country was the number of trees. Not a lot, but more than expected. Then the droopiness of them.

They look defeated. Maybe they're a good metaphor for a war-torn land. They stand, but they look pathetic in some ways, beaten down. Like you could topple them if you leaned against them. But still they stand, so you respect that. In little oasis groves here and there through camp they stand, now with folding chairs arranged around their bases - the designated smoking areas.

No smoking in the tents of course.

And the tents themselves? Droopy. You need a bit of slack in your tent, it has to give a little, and it's fabric, after all. So it sags.

There you have it, camp saggy. Drooping tents and trees. Standing there for a moment taking it in on the way to the shower tent in the cool of the morning that name occurred to me: Camp Saggy, Iraq.

And hours later driving to lunch I find a couple other guys who noticed that saggy look too. Not everything slouches though, I'll get back to that in a minute.

Because it seems that more than a few pundits in America would have you believe otherwise. I'll summarize their main points here:

"Iraq is a failure, we're headed in the wrong direction, "ground truth" is different then what the current administration would have you believe, the troops are demoralized, it will be impossible to hold elections in Iraq as scheduled..."

On and on, ad nauseam. Now through the elections expect a 40-day relentless barrage of this sort of thing, from many quarters, and from some individuals who should know better. And (que the "insurgents") expect a different sort of barrage to result over here. Everyone I've spoken with does.

Small wonder if the troops that move among these drooping trees, that sleep within these sagging tents, that sweat beneath this burning sun, aren't beginning to droop a bit themselves. Those same pundits would certainly have you believe it's so.

But here's what I noticed in the DFAC today: young faces. Young determined faces. Not much older (but far wiser and much more mature) than the crowd at a high school lunch room. You can tell without asking what these guys think. They look you in the eye. And if you can stand to look back you'll see into the eyes of the undefeated. There is no quit here, no early out, no cut and run. These are young men with an ugly job, America's finest sent to do our worst and best, and they make me feel old and inspired all at the same time.

So here is the first impression of your fine young sons: They walk straight and tall with heads held high in this war-torn world, in this sagging land. I wish you who can only read of defeat trumpeted in your newspapers or on your TVs could have walked among them and seen this for yourselves.

I read where someone said George Bush and Dick Cheney are the only people in America who think Iraq is going well. That may be so, but I don't believe for a minute they think it's a picnic.

And I saw 300 young Americans in Iraq today who didn't look like quitters.


June 29, 2007
Fathers' Day
Greyhawk
Just finished reading Virtual Light, an early 90's sci-fi book by William Gibson. Gibson is credited with creating the "cyberpunk" sub-genre; I'd read his Neuromancer trilogy some time ago and enjoyed it.

Virtual Light is the first book of another trilogy, but I don't know if I'll bother with the rest. It's not bad, but the setting is the "near future" - and that future is now, or close enough to now that it becomes obvious that the future was not quite so bleak as full enjoyment of the story would require.

That of itself provides interest - but of a sort that wasn't the author's intent. I suppose there could be another sub-genre of science fiction: the bleak future that didn't happen. Watch almost any pre-Star Wars sci-fi films of the 70's - Silent Running, Soylent Green, Logan's Run, et al - and you'll see examples what I mean.

Of course, one can't consign such stories into that category ahead of time, right?

And anyhow, perhaps the authors were just off by a few years in timing. We still have a future in which any number of things can happen.

For instance, did you know the Earth was getting hotter?

*****
An autobiographical bit:

In 1967, Gibson went to Canada "to avoid the Vietnam war draft", appearing that year in a CBC newsreel item about hippie subculture in Yorkville, Toronto. He settled in Vancouver, British Columbia five years later and began to write science fiction. Although he retains U.S. citizenship, Gibson has spent most of his adult life in Canada, and still lives in the Vancouver area.
This reduces my enjoyment of his work not one bit. I read Virtual Light by flashlight over several nights, just before dropping off to sleep here in my tent in Iraq.

*****
I don't get enough sleep, though. Mostly that's due to long hours. But some days aren't so busy. One Sunday I almost went to bed early - it was Father's Day, in fact. I'd already read and replied to the emails from the kids who really aren't kids any more, and was about to log off and call it a day.

Then into my inbox popped a message from my brother in the states: I'd been invited to view an online album of photos from our niece's wedding.

The event had been planned for a year, at least, and even when I first heard of it I knew I couldn't go - knew I'd be in Iraq on that day.

*****
Our family scattered around the country, my parents' generation and my own. None are left in my hometown, and that wasn't my parents' hometown anyway. Since the third generation is now starting out on their own, we'll see if the trend continues.

"Where are you from?" I'm asked from time to time. If you're looking for a place that defines me, the answer is "I'm not sure."

But from time to time the family gathers, and this time the gathering wasn't far from the fictional setting of Virtual Light. Sometimes I'm there, this time I wasn't. But here was my chance to be there in a virtual sense, after the fact.

Who'd have thought such things were possible, just a few short years ago?

So I clicked the link in the email, and waited while 200+ thumbnails made their agonizingly slow appearance on my screen... Who are these old guys hanging out with the beautiful girls I've known for years? And who are these young adults who look so much like the kids who used to visit Grandma's? ... I'd have to click through for the full version for answers. Those loaded slowly, too.

So much for sleep. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

*****
I think I've already mentioned a memorial at headquarters. I saw a new face among the collection of photographs of the fallen the last time I passed by, as I do every time. This time, "... killed by indirect fire".

"Indirect fire" means rockets or mortars, launched in the general direction of camp. Most land in the middle of nothing, others don't. Here was one that didn't.

I did not know this person, who was on a base other than mine. But like all the faces, hers looked familiar. Like family.

Such is life on the FOB.

*****
The first picture I saw from the virtual wedding album was one of family at a table. My older brother, the father of the bride, was not among them. But on a shelf in the background, I saw his picture. A picture in a picture, small, visible only upon clicking the thumbnail for the larger image, and waiting and waiting for the pixels to make their way from California through the lens of a digital camera then through cyberspace to me in Iraq. Though his photograph in the background was small it was recognizable to me because it was a college yearbook photo, a copy of which hung proudly on a wall in my parents' home in my hometown, when it was there.

He was in college through the last few years of the Vietnam war. I can remember my being concerned he could be drafted. That was a possible future, but it didn't happen. Instead he graduated, got married, and got a job doing something with computers out in some place people started calling Silicon Valley...

Years later and years ago, I visited him at his home in California. I was returning from two years in Korea, on my way to an assignment near my hometown where one member of my family still lived. Our younger brother, who was getting married a few months later, to a girl who looked the same when I saw her in photos on Fathers' Day this year.

A couple years later the three of us got together in California. Good times.

On one of those visits out West he gave me some paperback books he'd finished reading. Among them, Virtual Light, by William Gibson. I can't recall if he'd given me his opinion of it - probably not.

But years later and a few months ago I was packing to come to Iraq, and grabbed a couple of books off my shelf for the trip. That was one of them.

And a couple months later and a couple weeks ago I clicked through pictures from my older brother's daughter's wedding, sent to me by my younger brother via cyberspace.

*****
No matter how many works of science fiction prove faulty at predicting a disastrous future, people will eagerly consume the next pronouncement of doom. There's a market for such things. There are people who thrive on imagining a future hell.

In the 70's it was nuclear war, overpopulation, pollution, and numerous other threats to all mankind that distracted our attention from that which was truly important. By the early 90's it was the economy, stupid, that was going to bring us down.

*****
Sacrifice: some of us miss family weddings and other big events, others die from indirect fire.

Others get to leave early:

Him: You've been stationed in Germany, right?
Me: Yes...
Him: Ever been to Landstuhl?
Me: Yes. Shit, you heading that way?
Him: Yes... doc says I've got a tumor.

He was worried about his future, he knew I'd been in Germany, and he needed my advice: "So, what's there to do over there?"

He's heading your way, MaryAnn. I told him to say hello for me.

*****
So, on my last trip out to California - unbelievable to me now it's been over ten years - I had a conversation with my older brother and his then teen-age daughter.

"She wants to ask you something". He said.

She was quite solemn, and quite serious.

"When the time comes and I get married, if Dad can't do it, would you walk me down the aisle?"

She wasn't just worrying needlessly about the future. Her father had cancer, and though he preferred to say he was "living with cancer", he was also dying from it.

Such things matter. Such things are non-trivial, and not to be taken lightly. I am the father of two daughters myself, and I know.

I told her I'd be honored.

*****
He died on Christmas Eve, 1996, and left a wife and two daughters. From her wedding pictures I saw in Iraq on Father's Day, 2007, the wedding held on the weekend that included his birthday, they are all quite beautiful, and he would be proud.

*****
May you sleep well tonight, wherever you are. Elsewhere rough men ride, and tomorrow will be a fine day indeed.


Tending Distant Fires
Greyhawk
Far from hearth and home, watching
Cold alone but not alone
On distant shore and only wanting
Safe return and little more

What tales we'll tell
When that time comes
When tales can be told

When things grim
Seem far away
When other fires go cold

Some distant sunset, vision fading
Memories remain
And tired eyes gaze 'pon folded flags
While distant drums beat their refrain

Saluting fallen friends whose names
And youth will never fade
Here's to those on other shores,
for them live well, the price is paid

- Christmas, 2004, Baghdad

(See also: "I am Going to Die Well")

May 24, 2007
The Free and the Brave
Greyhawk


After effects of the Toby Keith concert: Wrote this country music song while driving around in my humvee. Maybe later I'll work out the guitar part and record.

Over in America, home of the free
Land of unlimited opportunity
People in the streets protest whatever they can
While over in Iraq and Afghanistan

The brave, far from home, are standing tall
and toeing the line, so they can have it all
Some like to complicate it but it's simple to me
They're making noise and we're making history

Osama'd like to think that we can't get it done
And some would like to tell you it's time to cut and run
Me I like to finish something once I've begun
And I don't think I'm the only one

Here making history, hearing the noise
of things that divide, things that destroy
Things you'd never ever want to see on your street
Things you might call the price of defeat

So excuse me if I come home a little annoyed
if while I was making history you were making noise

We're making history
They're making noise
We're facing the fire
They're playing with toys
Nobody ever said
That it would be easy
They're making noise
While we're making history

- Greyhawk
Iraq, May 2007


And it ain't over, as they say.
New stuff to follow - every day.

Hope to see you back soon!


Posted by Greyhawk / September 13, 2007 11:25 AM | Permalink

3 Comments

Just saw Toby Keith last weekend...he closed the show with the words "Don't Ever Be Afraid To Be Patriotic...F*@K 'em!" Brought tears to my eyes. Keep the great stuff coming, Greyhawk!

Greyhawk,
Thanks for the reprise - appreciated even more on second (or third reading), especially that first one, three years on. :)

I'm looking forward to the day I can listen to "The Free and the Brave" ... methinks when it is put to music and MP3'd, it will be a real roll-down-the-windows-and-broadcast-it-on-the-street arse-kicker.

I also know, though, that going public with your voice might cost you your pseudonominity ... so we can be patient. Me-also-thinks you have a lot more important work to do, that will require us to continue to know you only as Greyhawk.

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November 26, 2010


America@war
[Greyhawk]
I think anyone who's ever pondered the "comment" option - once only available on blogs and bulletin boards, now ubiquitous on almost any web site - will appreciate this:
The so-called faculty of writing is not so much a faculty of writing as it is a faculty of thinking. When a man says, "I have an idea but I can't express it"; that man hasn't an idea but merely a vague feeling. If a man has a feeling of that kind, and will sit down for a half an hour and persistently try to put into writing what he feels, the probabilities are at least 90 percent that he will either be able to record it, or else realize that he has no idea at all. In either case, he will do himself a benefit.

That's wisdom from the past, captured for posterity at the US Naval Institute, shared via the web on the institute's 137th anniversary.

From their about page:

The Naval Institute shall remain

INDEPENDENT - A non-profit member association, with no government support, that does not lobby for special interests;

NON-PARTISAN - An independent, professional military association with a mission, goals and objectives that transcend political affiliations; and shall encourage

IDEAS - Through its respected journals Proceedings and Naval History, its conferences, its books and its online content, in support of those who serve.

"The Naval Institute has three core activities," among them, History and Preservation:

The Naval Institute also has recently introduced Americans at War, a living history of Americans at war in their own words and from their own experiences. These 90-second vignettes convey powerful stories of inspiration, pride, and patriotism.

Take a look at the collection, and you'll see it's not limited to accounts from those who served on ships at sea, members of the other branches are well-represented.

I'm fortunate to have met USNI's Mary Ripley, she's responsible for the institute's oral history program (and she's the daughter of the late John Ripley, whose story is told here). She also deserves much credit for their blog. ("We're not the Navy nor any government agency. Blog and comment freely.") We met at a milblog conference - Mary knew (and I would come to realize) that milbloggers are the 21st-century version of exactly what the US Naval Institute is all about. Once that light bulb came on in my head, I mentioned a vague idea for a project to her - milblogs as the 21st century oral history that they are.

"Put that in writing," she said (of course - see first paragraph above!) - and here's part of the result.

Shortly after the first tent was pitched by the American military in Iraq a wire was connected to a computer therein, and the internet was available to a generation of Americans at war - many of whom had grown up online. From that point on, at any given moment, somewhere in Iraq a Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine was at a keyboard sharing the events of his or her day with the folks back home. While most would simply fire off an email, others took advantage of the (then) relatively new online blogging platforms to post their thoughts and experiences for the entire world to see. The milblog was born - and from that moment to this stories detailing everything from the most mundane aspects of camp life to intense combat action (often described within hours of the event) have been available on the web...

And et cetera - but since you're reading this on a milblog, you probably knew that. And you know that milblogs aren't just blogs written by troops at war, that many friends, family members, and supporters likewise documented their story of America at war online in near-real time, as those stories developed.

The diversity in membership of that group is broad, the one thing we all have in common is the impulse to make sense of the seemingly senseless, and communicate the tale - for each of us that impulse was strong enough to overcome whatever barriers prevent the vast majority of people from doing the same. Everyone at some point has some vague idea they believe should be shared - we were the people who, from some combination of internal and external urging, found and spent those many half hours persistently trying to write it down.

*****

But where will all that be in another 137 years? Or five or ten, for that matter. That's something I've asked myself since at least 2004 - when I wrote this:

Closing Blogs is nothing new. So many site's owners just give up on their own. They come and go, you know, these MilBloggers do. Like any other sort of blogger. Many post in the lonely down hours far from home, spill their guts for the world, then abandon their spots when the tour of duty is up. They have lives again somewhere in the world, and no need to share the details. So it goes.

Many are truly gone - no site left at all. "The page cannot be found." Other blogs remain, like abandoned defensive positions in shifting desert sands.

Membership in the ghost battalion has grown in the years since, and an ever growing majority of those abandoned-but-still-standing sites are vanishing. Have you checked out Lt Smash's site lately? How about Sgt Hook's? If you're a long-time milblog reader you know the first widely-read milblog from Operation Iraq Freedom and the first widely-read milblog from Afghanistan are both gone from the web. If you're a relative newcomer to this world you may never even have heard of them - or the dozens upon dozens of others who carried forth the standard they set down.

If you have a vague notion that something should be done about that, (a notion I've heard expressed more than once...) then you and I and the good folks at the US Naval Institute are in agreement. Preserving the history documented by the milbloggers is just one of the goals of the milblog project, the once-vague idea that we're now making real.

And it's a big idea, if I say so myself - too big to explain in one simple blog post, so stand by for more. Likewise, it's too big a task to be accomplished by just one person. So if you're a milblogger (and exactly what is a milblogger? is a topic for much further discussion on its own) I'm asking for your help. All I'll really need is just a little bit (maybe just one or two of those half hours...) of your time, and your willingness to tell the tale.

We've already made history, it's time to save it.

(More to follow...)




Posted 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) |

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The Mudville Gazette is the on-line voice of an American warrior and his wife who stands by him. They prefer to see peaceful change render force of arms unnecessary. Until that day they stand fast with those who struggle for freedom, strike for reason, and pray for a better tomorrow.
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  • Rich Casebolt: I'm looking forward to the day I can listen to read more
  • Lisa in DC: Greyhawk, Thanks for the reprise - appreciated even more on read more
  • SFC D: Just saw Toby Keith last weekend...he closed the show with read more

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The Mudville Gazette is written and produced by Greyhawk, who recently retired from 24 years of active duty in the US military, but will maintain this disclaimer: Unless otherwise credited, the opinions expressed are those of the author, and nothing here is to be taken as representing the official position of or endorsement by the United States Department of Defense or any of its subordinate components.

Furthermore, I will occasionally use satire or parody herein. The bottom line: it's my house.

I like having visitors to my house. I hope you are entertained. I fight for your right to free speech, and am thrilled when you exercise said rights here. Comments and e-mails are welcome, but all such communication is to be assumed to be 1)the original work of any who initiate said communication and 2)the property of the Mudville Gazette, with free use granted thereto for publication in electronic or written form. If you do NOT wish to have your message posted, write "CONFIDENTIAL" in the subject line of your email.

Original content copyright © 2003 - 2011 by Greyhawk. Fair, not-for-profit use of said material by others is encouraged, as long as acknowledgement and credit is given, to include the url of the original source post. Other arrangements can be made as needed.

Contact: greyhawk at mudvillegazette dot com

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*****

Tending Distant
Fires


Far from hearth and home, watching
Cold alone but not alone
On distant shore and only wanting
Safe return and little more

What tales we'll tell
When that time comes
When tales can be told

When things grim
Seem far away
When other fires go cold

Some distant sunset, vision fading
Memories remain
And tired eyes gaze 'pon folded flags
While distant drums beat their refrain

Saluting fallen friends whose names
And youth will never fade
Here's to those on other shores,
for them live well, the price is paid

- Greyhawk,
Baghdad,
December 2004