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July 23, 2003

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Ooglay Hussein's Diary

By Ooglay Hussein

Ahhh woe upon me I am rending the clothings of my person in grief unequaled through human history as my beloved brothers, those grease-coated heroes of Tikrit, Europe, and the American left, are lying now as corpses in the hands of the infidel! How fondly I remember the many humiliations I suffered at their glorious hands, the unspeakable acts they committed upon my person as I matured, the many things no man should do to another that were done to me by them for pleasure! All gone now, the world will never know their like again! Were it not for my recent acquisition of some 30-odd million American dollars I would have virtually nothing left to live for. Excuse me pig Americans, while I am going to further rend my suddenly antiquated-looking personal wardrobe....eternal woe be upon me!

Thank you. My grief is slowly passing. "Ooglay" you are saying, where is it you are now?" And I would answer then "Iraq is where I am for now."

"And Ooglay, most glorious Saddam's only living son, how are you there again? Is it not dangerous with the cities crawling with American soldiers?"

And then I would say "I am not my father's only remaining son. Already you have forgotton my half-brother Quasi, he who my Glorious Father caught Uday lowering into the shredder feet first. This is how he bacame a half brother to me. Also you have forgotten my other brother who was so sickened at the sight that we changed his name to Queesy. So still my Father has the three of us as a blessing unto him in his old age.

Well why am I being back in Iraq? Was the desire to be in my homeland so great? Did I so miss the days when I could dangle my toes in the Euphrates on a hot July morning while the screams of Udays "latest" were carried on the breeze?

No. Honest to Allah the only thing that brought me here was American dollars. And my delightful sense of irony. You see, I am now on temporary leave from my job as Managing Editor of the New York's Time Newspaper. I am working as "fact-finder" for the Democratic National Committee and something called "The Nine." I'm still a bit confused by details, but apparently these "Nine" are plotting to somehow overthrow your King Bush, and I am to gather information here that may help them to do this wonderful thing. But here is something that I learned from reporters at Times: "Oog, baby," they would be saying "why bother gathering information when you can sit in a bar and make it up?" So yes that is what I am doing in Iraq.

And really I do nothing until one of "The Nine" starts to really bug me, then I will provide some "discovery" like the Nigerian Uranium thing. Some of them are bothering me more then others. One is calling al the time, he is Howard something and he is a Dean or something I suppose at University. He is nutty. Also funny is Kerry who threatens me with bodily harm. He says he is Killer Nam Vet. I say this is not scary to one who grew up in the palace I grew up in. One other is named Kook-a-nitch or something and I don't know what he says, and also Sharpton is not to be understood.

Whatever. It is fun to tell them things and hear them shout with joy and say "I knew it! We've got him now!" But maybe they just aren't getting my message out because there is georgebush still pumping my Glorious Father's oil.

Also I am getting to publish my "findings" in NY Times, even though DNC is paying for my work. Pretty slick, yes?

Well I was going to be leaving for now but then speaking of money I am making I am realizing that someone may read my first part and be thinking it was me who turned in my Brothers. This is not true. I swear by the Prophet it was my Glorious Father who was a little short on cash.

"Ooglay" he is saying to me "you know the Americans, how much you think we get for Uday and Qusay?"

"Of Glorious Father, for whom all Iraq shall soon rise up behind again, I am sure the most unworthy Amer dogs would give us at least ten thousand Dinar each!"

And so that is how I am having new suits made in Paris via the internet, while my Glorious Father is hoping he can cover this weeks bribes.

I will take care of him though. After all, am I not now his favorite son?

The complete works of Ooglay Hussein can be found here.


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Posted by Ooglay Hussein / July 23, 2003 10:28 PM | Permalink

1 TrackBack

in mourning from Slattsnews on July 29, 2003 8:12 PM

More to come, it seems. Ooglay has come out of his grief-stricken exile, (actually his cushy post at the NYT, but that's another story) to let us know that there's not only Saddam in line for the perforated skull treatment.... Read More

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March 19, 2010


Dawn Patrol 03/19/2003
[Greyhawk]
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"Welcome to the Dawn Patrol, our daily roundup of information on the War on Terror and other topics - from the MilBlogs and various sources around the world."

Mudville was founded in March, 2003. Our efforts to bring the thoughts, words, and deeds of milbloggers to a wider world evolved to become The Dawn Patrol in March, 2005. With today's entry we're going to reset the clock - but not re-write the history - and recreate the world as it was - on a day the world changed...

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(More front pages here.)

Updating... more to follow....

MILBOGS

Andrew Olmsted, 19 Mar 2003, Stateside: It would appear that the liberation of Iraq has begun.

Greyhawk, 18 Mar 2003, Germany: A united world could have, just maybe, brought down Saddam without firing a shot. We will never know. 19 Mar: We'll never know what a united world could have achieved... the UN could not agree on anything, the situation degenerated, and here we are. Status quo was not working. The French were too desperate for oil and trade at any cost. Well-intentioned Americans were led into the streets by Communists (and others) with an agenda. The media distorted the split. Many in America and abroad thought they could manipulate the situation to their personal gain. They miscalculated. The fire is lit.

Pontifx ex Machina, 18 Mar, undisclosed location: Rolling out the gate, the guard gets a quick "hook-em, horns" sign as we weave through the barricades. Then we're off, cruising through the desert in a battered-up SUV. On the eve of war, only one thing passes through our minds: is there going to be any appropriate music on the radio?

Lt Smash, 19 Mar, undisclosed location: Read the President's speech today. The clock is ticking.

Chief Wiggles, 22 Mar, Kuwait: The war started Wednesday morning for us right after the president gave a speech to the American people that lasted about 4 minutes. We were all very anxious for this whole thing to be either over or get it on its way.

Will, 22 Mar, en route: I am going to Baghdad to personally shoot that paper hanging son of a bitch!

Lt Smash 20 Mar, undisclosed location:
From: Public Works Department
To: Saddam Hussein
Subj: BLASTING OPERATIONS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

Sgt Stryker, 20 Mar, Stateside: Iraq to File U.N. Complaint About Attack

Primary Main Objective, 30 Mar, undisclosed location I Dare Kofi to Come Get Me.

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BruceR, Flit, 19 Mar, Canada: AND SO IT BEGINS. Godspeed, Yanks. Come home safe and soon.

Andrew Olmsted, 20 Mar 2003, Stateside: The most important thing to remember over the next few days is this: the first reports are almost always inaccurate. First reports are generally submitted in the heat of battle before any real analysis can take place. Therefore, they're highly subjective, based on limited information, and rarely hit the mark. So as the first reports of 'surgical strikes' on Iraqi forces come in, it's best to take those reports with a grain of salt...

Iraqi Blogs

Salam Pax, Baghdad: The bombing aould come and go in waves, nothing too heavy and not yet comparable to what was going on in 91. all radio and TV stations are still on and while the air raid began the Iraqi TV was showing patriotic songs and didn't even bother to inform viewers that we are under attack. at the moment they are re-airing yesterday's interview with the minister of interior affairs. THe sounds of the anti-aircarft artillery is still louder than the booms and bangs which means that they are still far from where we live, but the images we saw on Al Arabia news channel showed a building burning near one of my aunts house...

Other Blogs

Andrew Sullivan, The Daily Dish: How much more morally indefensible is appeasement when we also have complete international authority to do what must be done? I think we will look back in the future and not ask, as so many now are, how it was that diplomacy didn't get unanimity on this matter. We will look back and see the moral obtuseness of Chirac and Putin and Schroder and Carter and feel nothing but contempt for them, and their preference for state terror over the responsibilities of the free world. That's why I felt enormous pride tonight in the stand being taken by Blair and Bush. The president's speech was measured, firm, just. Blair's political risks - in order to do what he believes is plainly right - will confirm him in history as a great prime minister, the conscience of his party, and the leader of his country. I say that before this war begins, because the cause is just whatever vicissitudes of conflict await us...

Charles Johnson, Little green Footballs: SPEED BUMPS - I just had to go into Westwood (here in Los Angeles) and couldn't make it, because a small group of "peace activists" is blocking traffic and getting into scuffles with police. Unbelievable footage on local TV of these creeps taunting police, trying to grab their batons, sticking cameras into their faces...

Glenn Reynolds/Instapundit: WAR SEEMS HAVE BEGUN IN EARNEST: Not much more to say at the moment. I hope it goes well, and quickly...
Of course, he's got a ton of links.

Other Opinions

Mark LeVine, Alternet - 'Bush Wins': The Left's Nightmare Scenario: ...With war seemingly imminent, the movement is being forced to fall back on a second scenario, "Everyone Loses," in which the warnings of a protracted and bloody war that destabilizes the Middle East and increases terrorism bear their bitter fruit.

However unpalatable in terms of destroyed lives and infrastructure, this latter scenario would at least quash the Administration's imperial dreams and force the kind of soul searching of United States' policies that is a major goal of the movement. But this outcome is less likely than many assume, and the antiwar movement would be well advised to plan for a third scenario: "Bush Wins."

In this third scenario, the war is over quickly with relatively low U.S. casualties, some sort of mechanism for transitional rule is put in place and President Bush and his policies gain unprecedented power and prestige. From my recent conversations with organizers and their latest pronouncements, it is clear that this possibility has yet to be addressed. Waiting much longer could spell disaster for the antiwar movement...

The social and political forces unleashed by the end of decades of Hussein's murderous rule will not easily be penned in by a US-sponsored show-democracy; but whether these forces use a reopened public sphere or turn to violence to respond to the likely betrayal depends in good measure on how adroitly the world progressive community can lay fast but deep roots in Iraq.

Newpapers

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Updating... more to follow....


(The Dawn Patrol's Archives are here.)



Posted 2:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)


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The Mudville Gazette is the on-line voice of an American warrior and his wife who stands by him. They prefer to see peaceful change render force of arms unnecessary. Until that day they stand fast with those who struggle for freedom, strike for reason, and pray for a better tomorrow.
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The Mudville Gazette is written and produced by Greyhawk. Unless otherwise credited, the opinions expressed are those of the author, and nothing here is to be taken as representing the official position of or endorsement by the United States Department of Defense or any of its subordinate components. Furthermore, I will occasionally use satire or parody herein. The bottom line: it's my house.

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