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June 6, 2003
QUIET ON THE SET!By Greyhawk
The year: 2009
Woman (sobbing): What do you mean? What are you saying? Why did you lie to me?
Man (approaching her, arms extended): Now sugerbuns, don't get all...
Woman (sobs turning to anger): “I can hardly breathe, (gulps for
air) and you have the nerve to...
Man: Honey, now come on, you know your the only one I love!
(Man reaches woman, she smacks him)
Woman: (Sobbing but angry) Don't you honey me, you...
Mike M: Hey, I'm the director! I'm supposed to say that!
Hillrod: Shut up, you disgusting fatzoid shlob, or you'll wish you had free health care. I thought we agreed that my character would not display violent tendencies?
Mike M: Surveys of our target demographic indicate that they prefer a strong female role model who...
Hillrod: Surveys? You are polling people to see what they think? I'll tell you what they think! I tell them what they think!
Mike M: But the target demographic is young unmarried democrats, and...
Hillrod: When I want to know what young unmarried democrats think I'll call Chelsea! And by the way, you will start referring to me with some respect or I will have your fat butt right back in that unemployment line. Kapish, chubby?
Mike M: Yes, but I..
Hillrod: What did you say?
Mike M (sheepishly): Yes ma'am.
Hillrod: That's better. Now lets talk some more about casting.
Mike M: I thought we agreed..
Hillrod (through clenched teeth): You want to talk about "agreed", what did we just agree to one second ago? (A large man who had been standing near her now steps towards Mike M, while reaching under his suit coat)
Mike M: Ma'am, I'm sorry. (Large man steps back.) Please accept my apology. But on the subject of casting...
Hillrod: Listen carefully Jabba, I'm not going to have this version turn out like that Sharon Stone TV movie nightmare a few years back! That woman playing me, she's too old, she looks too plain, and she's not convincing me that she's shocked by Bill's nasty pig behavior...she sucks. She can't act to save her life. In fact, threaten her with death, maybe she'll...
Mike M: We can't do that, ma'am, she's union.
Hillrod: Okay, say no more. But I'll take care of the "union" thing soon as I get back to DC. Let me think about her fate for a while. She's not cutting it. I need to be convinced that I was shocked when I discovered my husband's treachery.
Mike M: As do we all, ma'am.
Hillrod: What was that, cretin?
Mike M: I said, "yes, she's too small" it's a Hollywood term, the roll is just too big for her. Ma'am.
Hillrod: Exactly! I knew I picked the right man to direct! Now, how about this hag you've got playing....her? The skank?
Mike M: Playing Monica? That's...
Hillrod: Do not mention that name in my presence!
Mike M: Yes Ma'am.
Hillrod: Now who is that unknown young skank?
Mike M: She's more of a has-been skank then an unknown, ma'am. An old friend from the Iraq war days who needed some work...
Hillrod: I don't care about any of that! Just give me her name, moron! She's a great actress, she's got me convinced that she's a whore attracted by my husband's fame!
Mike M: That's Janeane Garofalo, ma'am
Hillrod: I despise her completely. Have Ms Garofalo sent to my trailer immediately after shooting is done for today. But make her ditch that blue dress first!
Mike M: It's quite realistic, yes? You know that spot is actually..
Hillrod: I don't care! Keep your Hollywood secrets to yourself. Now, I've decided the fate of that no-talent hack playing me. Fire her now.
Mike M: Ma'am, this will set us back and we're already way over our budget, so maybe...
Hillrod: Listen, Moby, I've still got some campaign money from the American Muslim whosis and the Chinese just sent another briefcase full of...
Mike M: Maybe it's the script...
Hillrod: Don't know. Don't care. Haven't read it. Fire her now.
Mike M: Ms C, Ma'am, with all due respect, you can't just...
Hillrod (face completely red, spittle flying): I'm the President of this stink hole of a country, buster! Do not tell me what I can and can't do. Now if that homely no-talent hack can't convince me that I was absolutely crushed when I discovered the truth about my husband and his 'ho's then we will find somebody who can! I'll be in my trailer! (Stomps off, secret service agents in tow, stops and shouts back) And don't forget! Send me Gafugalo!
Mike M (mumbling) It's Garofalo, yer highness. (Now waddling over to actress portraying Hillrod) Hey, Ms. Streep, Meryl, ummmm...we need to talk...
Posted by Greyhawk / June 6, 2003 6:35 PM | Permalink
November 26, 2010
I think anyone who's ever pondered the "comment" option - once only available on blogs and bulletin boards, now ubiquitous on almost any web site - will appreciate this:
The so-called faculty of writing is not so much a faculty of writing as it is a faculty of thinking. When a man says, "I have an idea but I can't express it"; that man hasn't an idea but merely a vague feeling. If a man has a feeling of that kind, and will sit down for a half an hour and persistently try to put into writing what he feels, the probabilities are at least 90 percent that he will either be able to record it, or else realize that he has no idea at all. In either case, he will do himself a benefit.
That's wisdom from the past, captured for posterity at the US Naval Institute, shared via the web on the institute's 137th anniversary.
From their about page:
"The Naval Institute has three core activities," among them, History and Preservation:
The Naval Institute also has recently introduced Americans at War, a living history of Americans at war in their own words and from their own experiences. These 90-second vignettes convey powerful stories of inspiration, pride, and patriotism.
Take a look at the collection, and you'll see it's not limited to accounts from those who served on ships at sea, members of the other branches are well-represented.
I'm fortunate to have met USNI's Mary Ripley, she's responsible for the institute's oral history program (and she's the daughter of the late John Ripley, whose story is told here). She also deserves much credit for their blog. ("We're not the Navy nor any government agency. Blog and comment freely.") We met at a milblog conference - Mary knew (and I would come to realize) that milbloggers are the 21st-century version of exactly what the US Naval Institute is all about. Once that light bulb came on in my head, I mentioned a vague idea for a project to her - milblogs as the 21st century oral history that they are.
"Put that in writing," she said (of course - see first paragraph above!) - and here's part of the result.
Shortly after the first tent was pitched by the American military in Iraq a wire was connected to a computer therein, and the internet was available to a generation of Americans at war - many of whom had grown up online. From that point on, at any given moment, somewhere in Iraq a Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine was at a keyboard sharing the events of his or her day with the folks back home. While most would simply fire off an email, others took advantage of the (then) relatively new online blogging platforms to post their thoughts and experiences for the entire world to see. The milblog was born - and from that moment to this stories detailing everything from the most mundane aspects of camp life to intense combat action (often described within hours of the event) have been available on the web...
And et cetera - but since you're reading this on a milblog, you probably knew that. And you know that milblogs aren't just blogs written by troops at war, that many friends, family members, and supporters likewise documented their story of America at war online in near-real time, as those stories developed.
The diversity in membership of that group is broad, the one thing we all have in common is the impulse to make sense of the seemingly senseless, and communicate the tale - for each of us that impulse was strong enough to overcome whatever barriers prevent the vast majority of people from doing the same. Everyone at some point has some vague idea they believe should be shared - we were the people who, from some combination of internal and external urging, found and spent those many half hours persistently trying to write it down.
But where will all that be in another 137 years? Or five or ten, for that matter. That's something I've asked myself since at least 2004 - when I wrote this:
Membership in the ghost battalion has grown in the years since, and an ever growing majority of those abandoned-but-still-standing sites are vanishing. Have you checked out Lt Smash's site lately? How about Sgt Hook's? If you're a long-time milblog reader you know the first widely-read milblog from Operation Iraq Freedom and the first widely-read milblog from Afghanistan are both gone from the web. If you're a relative newcomer to this world you may never even have heard of them - or the dozens upon dozens of others who carried forth the standard they set down.
If you have a vague notion that something should be done about that, (a notion I've heard expressed more than once...) then you and I and the good folks at the US Naval Institute are in agreement. Preserving the history documented by the milbloggers is just one of the goals of the milblog project, the once-vague idea that we're now making real.
And it's a big idea, if I say so myself - too big to explain in one simple blog post, so stand by for more. Likewise, it's too big a task to be accomplished by just one person. So if you're a milblogger (and exactly what is a milblogger? is a topic for much further discussion on its own) I'm asking for your help. All I'll really need is just a little bit (maybe just one or two of those half hours...) of your time, and your willingness to tell the tale.
We've already made history, it's time to save it.
(More to follow...)
The Mudville Gazette is the on-line voice of an American warrior and his wife who stands by him. They prefer to see peaceful change render force of arms unnecessary. Until that day they stand fast with those who struggle for freedom, strike for reason, and pray for a better tomorrow.
Furthermore, I will occasionally use satire or parody herein. The bottom line: it's my house.
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Original content copyright Â© 2003 - 2011 by Greyhawk. Fair, not-for-profit use of said material by others is encouraged, as long as acknowledgement and credit is given, to include the url of the original source post. Other arrangements can be made as needed.
Contact: greyhawk at mudvillegazette dot com